Wonkette

• Recent good news, including the killing of Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi and the non-indictment of Karl Rove, may lift President Bush’s poll numbers, allowing the White House and the GOP to get off the defensive. [WP; WP]

• Democrats pick Vietnam War veteran and former Reagan Navy Secretary James Webb to run against Sen. George Allen (R-VA). [WP; WP; NYT]
• At the Take Back America conference, liberal activists boo and hiss at Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton (D-NY), after she reiterates her opposition to a timetable for Iraq withdrawal. Sen. John Kerry (D-MA) denounces the war, to cheers and applause. [WP]
• Rep. Patrick Kennedy (D-RI) pleads guilty to driving under the influence of prescription medication, gets a year of probation. [WP; NYT]
• Rep. Alan Mollohan (D-WV), currently under federal investigation, acknowledges numerous mistakes in his financial disclosure forms. [WP; NYT]

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News from the “state” of Rhode Island: MORE »

• Reliable Source: Rep. Patrick Kennedy spent the night before his driving accident with a female “friend”. . . Katie Couric stopped by Cafe Milano late Saturday night for a martini and pizza with local beer distributor Jimmy Reyes. [WP]

• Heard on the Hill: Journalism professor will testify that the investigation of Jack Anderson was sparked by a convict. . . Robert Redford will be on the Hill next week to fight oil addiction with Sen. Harry Reid. [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-N.C.) adds amendment stating, “None of the funds made available to the Federal Emergency Management Agency in this act may be used to purchase a Louis Vuitton handbag.” [The Hill]
• Page Six: Hillary recommends “An Inconvenient Truth.” [NYP]

Patrick Kennedy spoke yesterday before a group of mental health specialists at Brown University (and the assembled press). Now he’s heading back to Congress, where he’ll join the rest of the burnouts to bicker about homos and wetbacks. We’re not sure why people keep saying he’s unfit to be a Congressman, he’s like the platonic ideal of a member of the House. Dumb as a brick, a few too many generations removed from greatness, able to skirt any kind of serious trouble with connections and occasional mea cuplas, and locked into his seat for life. MORE »

• Bush renews call to ban gay marriage; social conservatives cheer the “litmus test” as critics contend the move is mainly political. James Dobson: “It is true what this vote will do will be to help the voters identify who is and is not supportive of the family, and I think those that are not are going to have to answer for it.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
• This week’s Senate agenda, from the ban on gay marriage to a repeal of the estate tax, is “all about” motivating conservative voters. Sen. Russ Feingold (D-Wis.) on the marriage amendment: “I am confident that the American people will see this for what it is: a mean-spirited attempt to score political points in an election year.” [WP, W$J]
• Intense campaigning is already underway for the midterm election, “reflecting a consensus in both parties that Republicans could lose control of the House and perhaps the Senate”; Republicans have spent at least $4.5M on today’s special election for Randy Cunningham’s seat. [NYT, W$J]
• Congress and the courts “are beginning to push back against what has been the greatest expansion of presidential powers in a generation or more.” [USAT]
• Bill Clinton hopes to raise over $20M for midterm campaigns. [NYT]

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Patrick Kennedy reads aloud from ‘A Million Little Pieces’ MORE »

• In speech tonight, Bush will call for thousands of National Guard troops to be deployed along the southern border as a temporary solution; “a number of Democrats and even a few key Republicans” have already “voiced skepticism or outright opposition.” Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.): “That’s a short-term fix, and I’m not sure that’s a very wise fix.” [WP, NYT, USAT]
• GOP reaches out to activist base as Christian conservatives seek action on controversial issues such as gay marriage and abortion. [NYT, WSJ]
• Fearing their own political futures, House and Senate Republicans are increasingly divided and disloyal. [WP]
• Reports of domestic call logging “seemed to fly in the face of months of public statements and assurances from President Bush and his aides,” who have been “punctilious in discussing” NSA programs. [WP]
• Views of call logging split along party lines but strong majorities are concerned it’s just the tip of the iceberg and support congressional hearings. [USAT]

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• Heard on the Hill: A freelance photographer has been sneaking into the Senate Photo Studio. . . Rep. Adam Putnam (R-Fla.) catches a 360-pound shark. . . Chuck Norris meets his biggest fan, the Senate elevator operator. [Roll Call]
• Under the Dome: Glenn Close visits the Hill to save wild animals. . . Sen. Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.) is reaching out to the Polish-American vote. [The Hill]
• Rush & Molloy: National Enquirer uncovers photos of Rep. Patrick Kennedy dressed up as Michael Jackson. . . Rupert Murdoch on raising funds for Hillary: “It’s not a million-dollar raising. It’s got nothing to do with anything other than her Senate re-election.” [NYDN]
• Inside the Beltway: C-SPAN will add the major cities in congressional districts to their lower-third graphics. [WT]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Laurie Dhue wins a free trip to Jordan at a party for Queen Rania. . . Ralph Nader gets a form letter response from Bill Clinton. [NYDN]
• Cindy Adams: What about a Gore-Clinton ticket? [NYP]

• Reliable Source: Court TV’s Washington correspondent Savannah Guthrie is more focused on Zacarias Moussaoui than Scooter Libby. . . Monica Lewinsky spotted at a political comedy show in London. [WP]
• Heard on the Hill: Aide to Rep. Steve Israel (D-N.Y.) hits “reply all” with “let’s all just booze soon” missive. . . James Dobson gets caught in the doors of the Senate subway. [Roll Call]
• Page Six: John Dean gives W. Mark Felt’s memoir a horrible review, saying it “is riddled with errors” and “adds absolutely nothing to our understanding about Felt’s role as Bob Woodward’s source during Watergate.” [NYP]
• Cindy Adams: Rep. Patrick Kennedy’s car accident will not actually be investigated. [NYP]
• Rush & Molloy: Patrick Kennedy has reportedly “been yearning for the company of ex-girlfriend” Tatiana Platt. [NYDN]
• Liz Smith: McCain on Washington: “So much is going to come down, so many indictments… well, it’s all so corrupt,” and to Katie Couric: “Congratulations and condolences.” [NYP]
• Inside Politics: Sen. George Allen wins Young Republican National Federation straw poll. [WT]

Edited slightly for formatting, content untouched. You don’t mess with genius.

1) You guys don’t get it. Porter Goss USES national intelligence.

2) Note that Porter Goss abruptly resigned to leave for his farm two days after Fran Townsend put out Bush’s Pandemic Flu Plan — in which Bush first told us “You’re Fucked” — see here.

Next, he told us “You’re on your own” — see here.

Which looks a lot like the Bush Hurricane Katrina plan.

3) In the 1960s after the Cuban Missile Crisis, Porter Goss left the CIA and settled on Sanibel Island near the bottom of southwest Florida — one of only two spots in the USA that would have survived the massive fallout from a Soviet Nuclear Strike — see here.

4) Now, the news reports that “Goss and his wife own a central Virginia farm, where they raise cattle, sheep and chickens. ” See bottom of here.

It just so happens that Central Virginia is one of the few spots in the country that does not have geese carrying Avian flu flying over it. See here and here.

5) Face it — when the pandemic hits, interstate transport shuts down and you guys in Washington are feeding on each other like cannibals –literally, not just politically — Goss will be setting on his front porch eating goat cheese, sipping homemade Cabernet and enjoying the rural sunset. Laughing his ass off as he tells his wife about how Donald Rumsfeld talked Dick Cheney into buying an estate on the Chesapeake Bay –an area which receives the largest dump of migratory goose droppings in the country.

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* CIA Director Porter Goss called it quits this week, and didn’t make up a reason for leaving. Not even the standard “time with my family” excuse, which of course makes us think it had something to do with the hookers or the gambling and payola. Anyway, he’s back on the gulf shore already, and everyone is waiting to hear who the next shady character to take over the job is going to be. MORE »

So, uh, now we feel a little bit bad. ‘Cause, we were just having a bit of fun, you know, and considering that the two options available for Patrick Kennedy’s weird behavior were either a) plain ol’ Kennedy-approved alcohol and b) hilarious drug mix-up, we thought, well, no harm. MORE »

Scott’s last briefing? A lot like the rest of them, but everyone was being a little bit nicer. His first answer was an almost poetic blend of nearly every talking point he’s been given over the last two years and cherry-picked economic statistics. Anyone have a rush transcript? We can’t even remember the question, but his lengthy response made us fall in love all over again. Then: BREAKING NEWS: PERSONNEL CHANGE! …to be announced later. MORE »