THE CHICAGO INDICTMENT IS JUST SOME BORING ALDERMAN: Patrick Fitzgerald you are a loser. Your Wonkette editors had prepared for the worst regarding this impending indictment of an elected official in Chicago, “joking” that it was “probably just some alderman.” And that’s all it is, some slob who looks like Jesse Jackson after eating Rush Limbaugh: “Ald. Isaac Carothers (29th), a staunch ally of Mayor Richard Daley, was indicted today on federal public-corruption charges.” [Chicago Breaking News]

• OH AND HERE’S SOME ACTUAL NEWS: “Blagojevich, 52, was indicted on 16 felony counts, including racketeering conspiracy, wire fraud, extortion conspiracy, attempted extortion and making false statements to federal agents. He allegedly abused his office in numerous matters to seek money, campaign contributions, and employment for himself and others, in exchange for official actions, including trying to leverage his authority to appoint a United States senator, U.S. Attorney Patrick J. Fitzgerald said in a statement.” Patrick Fitzgerald is the fucking angel of death (but also racist for doing this to important Civil Rights leader Gandhi Blagojevich). [CBS 2 Chicago]

The “corruption trial” for everyone’s favorite Chicago real estate developer, Tony “Slum Landlord” Rezko, began jury selection this morning. The verdict has somehow already been released, and Barack Obama is guilty of knowing him! Wait, what? No, the trial will go on forever — Patrick Fitzgerald is the prosecutor, and that guy takes his time. But according to “Chicago lawyers,” Barack Obama could very well have to testify, as a defense witness. MORE »

This week, Dawn Eden, Patrick Fitzgerald, Bill Emmott, John Bolton, John Boehner, and John Ashcroft were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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This week, Michael Steele, Adam Kokesh, Clint Borgen, John Edwards, Donald Rumsfeld, Gabrielle Carteris, Patrick Fitzgerald, and Fred Thompson were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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* On 4th anniversary of Iraq war, President Bush reminds everyone how great it is, why we should stay. [WP, NYT]
* Meanwhile, Democrats move towards “a withdraw-the-troops bill, not a fund-the-troops bill,” one greased congressional palm at a time. [WP]
* Justice Department considers shutting up one of the fired attorneys with a new job. Hopefully, he’ll also demand a hush-corner office, a hush-oak desk, and a giant hush-jar of only green jelly beans. [WP]
* Patrick Fitzgerald was on the DOJ “enemies list” released in yesterday’s document dump. [WP, NYT]
* Flunkies for Barry O. and Hill Rod have a little spat in front of some college boys over “who would have been more against the war if 2003 was a Presidential election year.” [WP]
* Supreme Court hears “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” case, finds a lack of any bong hits or any Jesus. [NYT]
* Rudy Giuliani: it’s almost as if he’s a real lawyer. [WSJ]

* The sooner old Al gets the boot the sooner we get Attorney General Patrick Fitzgerald. [Above the Law]
* Fox News reporters in Afghanistan think American soldiers there are “motherfuckers.” [Nitpicker]
* Tomorrow’s concertless anti-war protest will be opposed by similarly music-free pro-war rally, neither of which anyone gives a shit about. [Jawa Report]
* The rambling political thoughts of Donald J. Trump. [The Swamp]
* Bill Clinton bashes the New York Times for using the kid gloves on Obama and the lead-weighted ones on Hillary. [Horse's Mouth]
* But he’s not talking about his brackets. [Freep (2nd Item)]
* Tune into 20/20 tonight for a lispy tribute to Hugo Chavez. [Business & Media]

AP-APNEWSALERT

WASHINGTON (AP) - Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald has rested his perjury and obstruction case against former vice presidential aide I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby.

And now it’s all over but the lyin’. MORE »

The Scooter Libby trial might get interesting next week. Michael Isikoff just posted a short-yet-confusing thing on MSNBC.com that attempts to explain this latest twist. Our interpretation: MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Ricky Martin on the Hill to talk about human trafficking, won’t break into song… The Distilled Spirits Council and the Scotch Whisky Association is throwing a party for Prince Andrew (not the Nazi). [Roll Call]
• Yeas and Nays: Heath Shuler, former Redskin, current Congressional candidate, owes a shitload of back taxes… LAT: “Bourbon drinkers tend to be Republican; gin is more often a Democrat’s drink.” Tell that that to… uh, us. [Examiner]
• Reliable Source: O Magazine declares David Gregory, Barack Obama, Fareed Zakaria, and Patrick Fitzgerald to be among the 50 “Sexiest Men Alive.” [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Chaos at FoxNews as marital problems between Brit Hume and wife/DC bureau head Kim lead to her departure from the bureau. [NYDN]
• Under the Dome: Rep. Chris Dodd (D-CT) is Catholic, wife is Mormon. Dodd: “At Bob Jones University, we are now a two-cult family”… “Rep. John Sweeney (R-N.Y.) has proudly accepted a $1,000 contribution from a strip-club owner.” [The Hill]

We still can’t quite get over how odd the new development in the Scooter Libby case is. In case you don’t remember this morning’s Daily Briefing (it was pre-lunch, we don’t blame you), Libby’s lawyers are bringing in a hypnotist “memory expert” to, uh, testify to the ineffability of time, the fleetingness of memory, and how the past is both inescapable and unknowable. We assume his testimony will be delivered in flashback, narrated by Edmond O’Brien. MORE »