Tag: pat robertson

Pat Robertson Would Like To Starve All The Drug Addicts To Death, Just Like Jesus Would Have

WHOA IF TRUE, but we don't think Pat Robertson understands the Bible.

Bristol Palin Knows Who Has A Penis And Who Has A Vagina

It was just another day at the office at Bristol Palin Writin' Stuff Real Good Industries, LLC. Bristol was mad, because her personal assistant had gotten her lunch order wrong. Two KFC Double Downs, a bottle of Boone's Farm...

Did A Transgender Try To Watch Pat Robertson Poop?

We are very serious with the journalism question we are asking here. Pat Robertson told his "viewers" on The 700 Club that "so much" of the time, transgender people are big fakers who just want to sneak into the wrong bathrooms...
Everybody Must Get Stoned

Jesus Pals Disagree On Which Whores To Stone, Just Kidding No They Don’t

Donald Trump's suggestion last week that of course there have to be criminal penalties for women who have abortions -- even after he tried to walk it back -- has caused no small amount of consternation among the Religious...

Pat Robertson Doesn’t Understand Why NFL Loves Georgia Buttsex So Much

America's senile grandpa Pat Robertson is having a confuseness in his brain. You see, Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal (The Republican) announced that he would veto HB 757, a bill to protect the "religious freedom" of dongweasel lunatic fundamentalist Christians...

Pat Robertson Can Heal You And Drive Out Demons — Even On Tape!

Superannuated Godswallop peddler Pat Robertson has some excellent news for you: He (and God of course) can heal you even if you're watching a recording of "The 700 Club" on the DVR, or even "on tape." He didn't specify...
Are they giggling because they stealed a baby???

The Duggars Will Help You Steal A Baby In Five Days Or Less, Maybe

Doesn't it blow when you want a baby but you ain't got no baby, and they won't let you take home the first one you see at the baby store? That's when you have to get on your knees and...

Pat Robertson Teaches How To Hate Your Gay Kid Real Good This Thanksgiving

This post originally ran in the Olden Timey Days of just a few weeks ago, but now we think it might be a Thanksgiving tradition! Curl up in your snuggie with your first cocktail of Thanksgiving morning, and learn...
He doesn't look quite so D-U-M when he's being correct about a thing.

Pat Robertson Lets Gays Off Hook For That Whole ‘Sodom’ Thing

It's the weirdest thing on the whole planet when Pat Robertson is Right About A Thing, especially when it's about gaygendersexicans! Usually Grandpa Pat is all "Hey, you homosexuals, stop thrusting inside Pat's dusty man cave!" and "Hey, fake...

Hell Yeah, Jeb Bush Would Murder A Baby!

Jeb Bush is soooooo pro-life, he will defund women's healthcare because come on, how much do we really need to spend on vag checks for cancer, right? Jeb Bush is soooooo pro-life, he will use the power of Big Government...
What what, in the butt.

Pat Robertson Wishes The Homosexuals Would Stop Thrusting Into Him So Hard

Pat Robertson, congratulations, for you are getting your second mention on Wonkette in one week. Your Google Alerts must be going CRAZY! Last time we visited with America's most embarrassingest grandpa, he was teaching us how to make sure...
But I thought I hated fags real good too!

Nice Christian Protesters Say Kim Davis Is Big Whore, Going To Hell Probably

Do you need something to make you LOL on this Monday? Well, that's why you're at Wonkette, obviously, but for real though. Because even if we didn't make all the hilarious jokes about it, you would still be ROFLMAOing...
Thinking face.

Pat Robertson Teaches How To Hate Your Gay Kid Real Good This Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is such a nice time! (Unless you hate it.) You get to see your family, or whatever family you've created for yourself, and they shove eleventy thousand pounds of food in your face and then you take a...

Pat Robertson Swears Faith Healing Works For People Who Aren’t Pat Robertson

Didn't we just discuss a GRRR MAD SO ANGRY KILL IT WITH FIRE story about parents who let their children die because they believe -- huh, wrongly, oh well -- they can pray the life-threatening illnesses away? Yup, we sure...
Hooray, an actual witch hunt!

Hindu Witch Lady Terrorizes Innocent Christians At Air Force Dental Clinic

  As we all know, the United States military is an all-evangelical Christian fighting force that's been under attack as of late, mostly by the homosexuals and the transgenders being allowed to do their gay-gender diddles in foxholes next to...
Something like this.

Let’s Help Jesus Punish That Judge For Being Mean To Poor Kim Davis!

Pull out your pitchforks and trim your bushes, Christian warriors of God's love, it's time for some Crusades! How are we going to show everybody just how much Jesus loves the little children, all the little children of the...