Tag: pat robertson

But I thought I hated fags real good too!

Nice Christian Protesters Say Kim Davis Is Big Whore, Going To Hell Probably

Do you need something to make you LOL on this Monday? Well, that's why you're at Wonkette, obviously, but for real though. Because even if we didn't make all the hilarious jokes about it, you would still be ROFLMAOing...
Thinking face.

Pat Robertson Teaches How To Hate Your Gay Kid Real Good This Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is such a nice time! (Unless you hate it.) You get to see your family, or whatever family you've created for yourself, and they shove eleventy thousand pounds of food in your face and then you take a...

Pat Robertson Swears Faith Healing Works For People Who Aren’t Pat Robertson

Didn't we just discuss a GRRR MAD SO ANGRY KILL IT WITH FIRE story about parents who let their children die because they believe -- huh, wrongly, oh well -- they can pray the life-threatening illnesses away? Yup, we sure...
Hooray, an actual witch hunt!

Hindu Witch Lady Terrorizes Innocent Christians At Air Force Dental Clinic

  As we all know, the United States military is an all-evangelical Christian fighting force that's been under attack as of late, mostly by the homosexuals and the transgenders being allowed to do their gay-gender diddles in foxholes next to...
Something like this.

Let’s Help Jesus Punish That Judge For Being Mean To Poor Kim Davis!

Pull out your pitchforks and trim your bushes, Christian warriors of God's love, it's time for some Crusades! How are we going to show everybody just how much Jesus loves the little children, all the little children of the...

Get Filled Up And Gushed On By God, With Pat Robertson

Have you ever tried to love God so hard that he makes you say a bunch of crazy non-words sounds, with your tongue, but it just wouldn't work? Well, “Gary” has had that problem, so of course he turns...
LIKE WHAT ARE U EVEN TALKING ABOUT, WONKET?

Let’s Hate Mike Huckabee Some More! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Oh hi there! Sorry to interrupt you vacuuming your cat or whatever it is you do on Sunday afternoons, but we have to count down the top ten posts of the week, so your cat will have to wait....
Disappointed in Kim Davis's past sins obviously.

Pat Robertson Just Called Kim Davis A Whore

UH OH SHOTS FIRED! Grandpa Pat Robertson is real glad Kim Davis is standing up for Jesus Christ's true message, which is "PEEEEE-YEW! Notice how I never said Blessed Are The Icky Homos? They're the BEATITUDES, not the BE-FAG-ITUDES."...
Sex bus.

Josh Duggar Can’t Read This Post Because He’s In Jesus Jail. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Hey Wonkers, how is your Sunday? Just kidding, don't care, let's talk about ourselves. So last week there was, yet again, horrible, unspeakable tragedy, as two journalists were killed on air by a gunman with, surprise, a gun, and...
Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity.

Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo

Wonder why bad things happen to good people? We've been scanning the dregs of the wingnuttosphere since Roanoke TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward were shot to death while doing a routine interview Wednesday, and you'll be astonished...
God's financial analyst.

You’re Off The Hook, China. Pat Robertson Says Stock Markets Crashing Because Of Abortion

Just like all U.S. Americans, Pat Robertson woke up Monday morning to news that the stock market is kinda batshit right now. It's plunging! Then rallying, kind of! Then dipping again! By the time you read this, only Jesus...
Coming soon to a town near you, but Sarah Palin won't be there. OR WILL SHE?

Just Biding Our Time Until We Find Josh Duggar’s Grindr At This Point. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Hey Wonkers! We had a big week! Did YOU have a big week in your job? Just kidding, this post is not about you. Did you hear the big news about how Editrix Becca invested in a Winnebago for the...
Wonkette baby has formed opinions.

Crunchy Cooters, White Supremacists And Megyn Kelly. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Hey Wonkers! It is Sunday, and it is also August, which means the news is WEIRD and all the journalists who write the important stories about why everything is the Holocaust are on vacation, which means your top ten stories...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Why Did Jesus Send Us To Collections, Mommy?

Welcome back, sinners. It's time once again for the Snake Oil Bulletin! We would like to take this time to remind our readers that unless you've paid your monthly $7.99 readers' fee, in addition to keeping up on your...

BREAKING: Televangelist Scamster Pat Robertson Has Never Actually Read The Bible

Gather round, kidlets, time for another edition of What Do The Voices Say In Crazy Uncle Pat's Brain Parts? On a recent episode of Pat Robertson's Jesus Hour, a viewer named "Viewer" -- no, seriously, they didn't even bother to...
Good advice bro!

Pat Robertson Shows Grandma How To Shove Jesus Inside Her Grandkids

It's time for another episode of Pat Robertson answers an email from a viewer who probably doesn't exist! What's wrong, "Elizabeth"? Oh, you are a grandmommy, and your 6-year-old grandson hates Jesus? That sounds bad! Wait, he doesn't even...