pat robertson

Professional Bible-humper Pat Robertson — who uses his teevee show The 700 Club to golden shower the faithful with handy advice like how to avoid icky adopted children cooties and how to get the Satan out of your Goodwill sweaters — has some new tips for clean living: Ladies and gentlemen, beware these scamsters, especially […]

You can’t even be mad at Pat Robertson for telling people with no houses and no jobs to send him “just $20 a month” so that God would shower them with blessings. Being mad at a televangelist for parting fools from their rent is like being mad at your dog for eating your cat, or […]

There is a lot of Yap and Huff on the Internet right about now about how poor Paula Broadwell is being SEXISMED because nobody is making tons of mocking fun of disgraced former top spook David Petraeus, but people are all OH HER CLOTHES WERE TOO TIGHT SLUT SLUT SLUT. They seem to be regarding […]

Oh look, a poorly produced video about some guy named “Jim,” a.k.a “our bitch who got us drunk.” (No, not Jim Newell, although we will make him our bitch and let him get us drunk if he asks nicely.) This video is about Jim Henderson, formerly a senior attorney at the American Center for Law […]

Do you guys remember the good old days? Things were so much simpler then, when we could identify the homosexualista menaces in our midst, at which point the wind would start to a-blowin’ on account of “come a cloud!” and we could tie all those things together in order to fulfill the holy wrath of […]

National comedic treasure Pat Robertson has once again allowed words to come out of his face, triggering a Severe WTF Warning from the National Surrealism Agency. On a segment of his 700 Club television program, Robertson and co-host Kristi Watts were doing a Dear Abby style thing, giving people the same sort of smart, well-grounded […]

We never thought we would live to see the day when gross old perv Pat Robertson declared that whether worshiping at a Baptist church or a Sikh temple, all believers were worshiping God. The fuck you say! Luckily, Robertson immediately restored our faith in him by explaining all these horrible massacres are committed by (who […]

The fine fellows at RightWingWatch have once again brought the most delightful of horrorshows to our attention. (How do they do it every day?) Below, you will find Pat Robertson explaining that anti-Semitism is the Devil’s Work (yes?), and the Devil hates Israel because Israel is evidence of the existence of God (oookay?) because the […]

Aw, that’s nice. Pat Robertson, who has previously assured us that abortion caused Hurricane Katrina and feminists and gays caused everything else, would like to let married straight women know God is totally chill with it if they lick, fondle, suck on, and otherwise “blow” their male husbands cocks and balls.

Pat Robertson, the 81-year-old titan of Goddist bombast, has proven that some boxed sacks of two-buck chuck age well if you can wait eight decades and have nothing else to drink, not even water. Robertson experienced a brief tic of normalcy when he came out of the marijuana closet this week, telling the New York […]

The Pat Robertson teevee show has been desegregated, apparently by force, and now allows a Negress interviewer to interview “her kind” (Condoleezza Rice). What are the mysterious black people up to, this Thanksgiving? The hip-hop? Smokin’ crack? Crunking? Voodoo? Hankering for the Original Constitution days when they were slaves? No, worse. They are eating bizarre […]

It does not require major political math to figure out that the stark raving lunacy of the GOP base is bound to eventually backfire in a presidential election when American voters are faced with a choice between even a Barack Obama they are extremely “meh” about and some hollering Republican promising to personally bludgeon uninsured […]

Pat Robertson, the guy you can’t even call a delusional, militantly homophobic, fearmongering warrior of Satan because that description essentially understates the case by several orders of magnitude, has a small clarification to make about Jesus’s stance on traditional marriage. It’s still all “till death do you part” and whatever, but people who have Alzheimer’s […]

Zombie hate turd Pat Robertson has issued his Official Statement regarding New York’s new gay marriage equality law, and it is not pretty. Is everybody ready? Here it is: history’s immutable cycle of birth and decay and the periodic rise and downfall of each and every human civilization is hereby canceled, because from now on, […]

DUM DUM DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMM. What advantage does a lesbian have over a married woman? She doesn’t have to seek love from a planet full of dickwad men, that’s right. But what deficiency does she have? She doesn’t have equal rights, correct! Wait, let’s try that again.