Wonkette

Pat Robertson talks to God, who is obviously as obsessed with the 2008 Presidential elections as anyone because he doesn’t care that much about any of the other problems in the world because we’re like the really big Christian Nation. And although Robertson already endorsed Giuliani before this year’s chat with God, God told him some stuff. Important stuff. Election-y stuff.

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As you made your New Year’s Resolution this (last?) year, did you take into account what THE LORD OUR GOD may have wanted you to decide? Oh you did? Well you were probably wrong. Because Pat Robertson spoke directly to God and got the old man’s resolution, as he informed viewers on his teevee program today. In case you forgot to TiVo it, God’s plan is simple and generous (you know God!): He’s “going to give us China.” MORE »

It likely comes as little surprise to Wonkette readers that Pat Robertson is batshit. Your editors wouldn’t be doing their collective job if you thought he was at all sane. But watch this clip as that realization comes slowly to his co-host, as Robertson says that the complete destruction of Kennebunkport and last week’s ice storms in the Midwest are God’s revenge for not being solicitous enough to Israel. She looks kind of like a rabbit in a trap by the end, doesn’t she? By the way, have we mentioned recently that Giuliani sought and received Robertson’s endorsement? Just checking.

Pat Robertson has issued a warning to us degenerates, alcoholics, homosexuals and sex-outside-of-wedlock havers: stay off of I-35 (aka, Ron Paul’s NAFTA Superhighway of the End of American Autonomy) or face the love/wrath of God. Above, his minions explain how God’s prophecies have led a bunch of people who kinda scare me to run around trying to convince everyone on I-35 to be more like them, what with the swaying and the crying and the hearing voices. Today, it’s purity sieges on I-35; tomorrow, we Coastal types will be fighting them off like zombies. [Video courtesy of People For the American Way]

Pat Robertson’s endorsement of 9udy 11iuliani yesterday (above) was all the more surprising given the nature of its timing. As the two were on stage yesterday celebrating their unbeatable combination of Jesus and racism, Sam Brownback — the social conservative’s senator of choice — was announcing his endorsement of John McCain. So one social conservative endorses the abortionist, another endorses the Mexican-lover… Does anyone else smell a CONSPIRACY>?#@ MORE »

Pat Robertson endorsed Rudy Giuliani this morning, despite the latter’s obvious hatred of God. Watch Joe Scarborough break it down in the clip above! And in other social conservative news, ex-presidential candidate Sen. Sam Brownback will endorse John McCain this afternoon in Iowa. No one loves Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney sad!

Pat Robertson Endorses Giuliani [WP]
McCain gets conservative boost with Brownback endorsement [CNN]

Mormon-Scientologist Mitt Romney (pictured here with The Joker) was down at Regent University earning a master’s degree in Pretend World History yesterday, and he told an audience of future Monica Goodlings all about a crazy land called “France,” where the ladies wear no pants and people only mate every seven years on their home planet of Vulcan.

He also criticized people who choose not to get married because they enjoy the single life.

“It seems that Europe leads Americans in this way of thinking,” Romney told the crowd of more than 5,000. “In France, for instance, I’m told that marriage is now frequently contracted in seven-year terms where either party may move on when their term is up. How shallow and how different from the Europe of the past.”

While this is not true in any way, seven-year marriage contracts are a humorous feature of neo-con sci-fi author Orson Scott Card’s book The Memory of Earth, which is itself a science-fictionalization of The Book of Mormon.

We’re very close to endorsing Mitt Romney for President, because we really want to see Earth start a war with the Klingons. MORE »

The criminal Jesus Freak who praised the 9/11 attacks as being just what the USA deserved (due to homosexuals and feminists) is now promising his own terror attack on America — and this time, it’s Nuclear. MORE »