Tag: pat robertson

Wonkagenda: September 28th, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!

Melania Trump Isn’t A Plagiarist, She’s a Brony, Says Utterly Shameless RNC Dude

The defenses of Melania Trump's plagiarism are beginning to get a little silly. Imagine that!
She's sassy!

Fox News’s Laura Ingraham Has Diaper Fantasies, And They Are Disgusting

Laura Ingraham can't wait to poop her pants. Don't you want to sit next to her?

Pat Robertson Can’t Believe You Thought He Wanted Gays And Muslims To Kill Each Other Just Cause He Said So

Only disingenuous left-wing bloggers would ever think such a thing!

Pat Robertson Would Like To Starve All The Drug Addicts To Death, Just Like Jesus Would Have

WHOA IF TRUE, but we don't think Pat Robertson understands the Bible.

Bristol Palin Knows Who Has A Penis And Who Has A Vagina

It was just another day at the office at Bristol Palin Writin' Stuff Real Good Industries, LLC. Bristol was mad, because her personal assistant had gotten her lunch order wrong. Two KFC Double Downs, a bottle of Boone's Farm...

Did A Transgender Try To Watch Pat Robertson Poop?

We are very serious with the journalism question we are asking here. Pat Robertson told his "viewers" on The 700 Club that "so much" of the time, transgender people are big fakers who just want to sneak into the wrong bathrooms...
Everybody Must Get Stoned

Jesus Pals Disagree On Which Whores To Stone, Just Kidding No They Don’t

Donald Trump's suggestion last week that of course there have to be criminal penalties for women who have abortions -- even after he tried to walk it back -- has caused no small amount of consternation among the Religious...

Pat Robertson Doesn’t Understand Why NFL Loves Georgia Buttsex So Much

America's senile grandpa Pat Robertson is having a confuseness in his brain. You see, Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal (The Republican) announced that he would veto HB 757, a bill to protect the "religious freedom" of dongweasel lunatic fundamentalist Christians...

Pat Robertson Can Heal You And Drive Out Demons — Even On Tape!

Superannuated Godswallop peddler Pat Robertson has some excellent news for you: He (and God of course) can heal you even if you're watching a recording of "The 700 Club" on the DVR, or even "on tape." He didn't specify...
Are they giggling because they stealed a baby???

The Duggars Will Help You Steal A Baby In Five Days Or Less, Maybe

Doesn't it blow when you want a baby but you ain't got no baby, and they won't let you take home the first one you see at the baby store? That's when you have to get on your knees and...

Pat Robertson Teaches How To Hate Your Gay Kid Real Good This Thanksgiving

This post originally ran in the Olden Timey Days of just a few weeks ago, but now we think it might be a Thanksgiving tradition! Curl up in your snuggie with your first cocktail of Thanksgiving morning, and learn...
He doesn't look quite so D-U-M when he's being correct about a thing.

Pat Robertson Lets Gays Off Hook For That Whole ‘Sodom’ Thing

It's the weirdest thing on the whole planet when Pat Robertson is Right About A Thing, especially when it's about gaygendersexicans! Usually Grandpa Pat is all "Hey, you homosexuals, stop thrusting inside Pat's dusty man cave!" and "Hey, fake...

Hell Yeah, Jeb Bush Would Murder A Baby!

Jeb Bush is soooooo pro-life, he will defund women's healthcare because come on, how much do we really need to spend on vag checks for cancer, right? Jeb Bush is soooooo pro-life, he will use the power of Big Government...
What what, in the butt.

Pat Robertson Wishes The Homosexuals Would Stop Thrusting Into Him So Hard

Pat Robertson, congratulations, for you are getting your second mention on Wonkette in one week. Your Google Alerts must be going CRAZY! Last time we visited with America's most embarrassingest grandpa, he was teaching us how to make sure...