pat robertson
Pat Robertson Celebrates The Beautiful Miracle Of Not Knowing Stuff
You may have wondered, as did a caller to Pat Robertson’s 700 Club teevee show yesterday, why God just doesn’t seem to fling miracles at people in U.S. America the way He did in biblical times, or even the way He reputedly does in the Third World today. Robertson explained, with that smile of his [...]
Beware ‘Scamsters In Religious Garb,’ Says … Wait For It … Pat Robertson
Professional Bible-humper Pat Robertson — who uses his teevee show The 700 Club to golden shower the faithful with handy advice like how to avoid icky adopted children cooties and how to get the Satan out of your Goodwill sweaters — has some new tips for clean living: Ladies and gentlemen, beware these scamsters, especially [...]
Lost Your House? Got No Job? Just Send Pat Robertson $20 A Month, And God Will Give You A New One
You can’t even be mad at Pat Robertson for telling people with no houses and no jobs to send him “just $20 a month” so that God would shower them with blessings. Being mad at a televangelist for parting fools from their rent is like being mad at your dog for eating your cat, or [...]
Nuts & Sluts: In Which Your Wonkette Agrees With Pat Robertson And Richard Cohen About Paula Broadwell
There is a lot of Yap and Huff on the Internet right about now about how poor Paula Broadwell is being SEXISMED because nobody is making tons of mocking fun of disgraced former top spook David Petraeus, but people are all OH HER CLOTHES WERE TOO TIGHT SLUT SLUT SLUT. They seem to be regarding [...]
Attorney For Pat Robertson’s Anti-Gay Legal Outfit Fired For Alleged Wide Stance With (Possibly) Under-Age Boys
Oh look, a poorly produced video about some guy named “Jim,” a.k.a “our bitch who got us drunk.” (No, not Jim Newell, although we will make him our bitch and let him get us drunk if he asks nicely.) This video is about Jim Henderson, formerly a senior attorney at the American Center for Law [...]
God Too Lazy To Destroy New Orleans Homosexualistas A Second Time
Do you guys remember the good old days? Things were so much simpler then, when we could identify the homosexualista menaces in our midst, at which point the wind would start to a-blowin’ on account of “come a cloud!” and we could tie all those things together in order to fulfill the holy wrath of [...]
Pat Robertson: Don’t Touch That Orphan, You Don’t Know Where It’s Been
National comedic treasure Pat Robertson has once again allowed words to come out of his face, triggering a Severe WTF Warning from the National Surrealism Agency. On a segment of his 700 Club television program, Robertson and co-host Kristi Watts were doing a Dear Abby style thing, giving people the same sort of smart, well-grounded [...]
In Wake Of Temple Shooting, Pat Robertson Strikes Ecumenical Note: ‘It’s The Atheists’
We never thought we would live to see the day when gross old perv Pat Robertson declared that whether worshiping at a Baptist church or a Sikh temple, all believers were worshiping God. The fuck you say! Luckily, Robertson immediately restored our faith in him by explaining all these horrible massacres are committed by (who [...]
Talmudic Scholar Pat Robertson: It’s Not Their Fault The ‘Poor Jews’ Are So Stupid (VIDEO!)
The fine fellows at RightWingWatch have once again brought the most delightful of horrorshows to our attention. (How do they do it every day?) Below, you will find Pat Robertson explaining that anti-Semitism is the Devil’s Work (yes?), and the Devil hates Israel because Israel is evidence of the existence of God (oookay?) because the [...]
Mummy Evangelist Pat Robertson Okays Sodomite Sexy-Time (for Hetero Marrieds)
Aw, that’s nice. Pat Robertson, who has previously assured us that abortion caused Hurricane Katrina and feminists and gays caused everything else, would like to let married straight women know God is totally chill with it if they lick, fondle, suck on, and otherwise “blow” their male husbands cocks and balls.
Pat Robertson Calls For Pot Legalization, Ruins Everything
Pat Robertson, the 81-year-old titan of Goddist bombast, has proven that some boxed sacks of two-buck chuck age well if you can wait eight decades and have nothing else to drink, not even water. Robertson experienced a brief tic of normalcy when he came out of the marijuana closet this week, telling the New York [...]
Pat Robertson Mystified By Strange African-American Thanksgiving Ritual
The Pat Robertson teevee show has been desegregated, apparently by force, and now allows a Negress interviewer to interview “her kind” (Condoleezza Rice). What are the mysterious black people up to, this Thanksgiving? The hip-hop? Smokin’ crack? Crunking? Voodoo? Hankering for the Original Constitution days when they were slaves? No, worse. They are eating bizarre [...]
Right-Wing Extremist Pat Robertson Calls For Less Extremism In GOP
It does not require major political math to figure out that the stark raving lunacy of the GOP base is bound to eventually backfire in a presidential election when American voters are faced with a choice between even a Barack Obama they are extremely “meh” about and some hollering Republican promising to personally bludgeon uninsured [...]
Pat Robertson: Jesus Doesn’t Mind If You Divorce Your Spouse With Alzheimer’s
Pat Robertson, the guy you can’t even call a delusional, militantly homophobic, fearmongering warrior of Satan because that description essentially understates the case by several orders of magnitude, has a small clarification to make about Jesus’s stance on traditional marriage. It’s still all “till death do you part” and whatever, but people who have Alzheimer’s [...]
Pat Robertson: History Will Reverse Itself To Punish Gay Marriage Law
Zombie hate turd Pat Robertson has issued his Official Statement regarding New York’s new gay marriage equality law, and it is not pretty. Is everybody ready? Here it is: history’s immutable cycle of birth and decay and the periodic rise and downfall of each and every human civilization is hereby canceled, because from now on, [...]
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