MSNBC analyst Patrick “Pat” Buchanan hates Michelle Obama because she didn’t specifically say “church” in her speech last night. Apparently, the OPENING PRAYER and CLOSING BENEDICTION to Jesus at the convention weren’t enough to prove to Average Americans that Democrats don’t worship a cat’s asshole. [YouTube]

Your favorite pretend girlfriend Rachel Maddow, whose regular fights with Pat Buchanan this year have become the stuff of comedic television legend, has earned her very own television show. It will air on MSNBC at 9 p.m., following angry old Keith Olbermann. She will replace some show that nobody watches hosted by Dan Abrams, who in the last couple of years has gone from running MSNBC to having his time slot usurped by some uppity short-hair. [NYT/TV Decoder]

Tonight we have the 750th and 751st primaries in the 2008 Democratic nominating contest, in Kentucky and Oregon. This means we’ll probably be watching MSNBC for a good portion of the night because (a) Chris Matthews is such a stitch and (b) Chuck Todd, he so dreamy! Hillary will likely be declared the winner of Kentucky as soon as polls close, we’ll get an earful of mindless chatter about Obama’s continuing problems courting Bitters, Chuck Todd and Rachel Maddow and Eugene Robinson will note that Obama’s likely victory in Oregon will neutralize Hillary’s Kentucky delegate pickups, Tim Russert will declare that we have just reached some historical turning point in Math, Matthews will pull down his pants, Nora O’Donnell will be shown from the front only because she is pregnant, Dan Abrams will appear at 1 a.m. with no tie on, the end. Most importantly, Pat Buchanan will spasm uncontrollably all night long — he’s been doing it more and more recently — over Obama’s fatal flaws. Why, exactly, has Pat been even more of a nut recently on the teevee? It’s simple enough: Barack Obama is threatening to undo his life’s work. MORE »

Do you know who watches The McLaughlin Group? If you guessed “Not us,” you’re right! But a certain filthy-jeans-wearing writer of party anthems named Andrew W.K. counts himself among those who waken every Sunday to the dulcet tones of old people screaming at each other. And now he has made a musical song based on Pat Buchanan and John McLaughlin’s crazy rantings! MORE »

Here’s MSNBC’s panel debating the merits of Hillary’s ad — political effectiveness vs. truth vs. fearmongering. What this tense debate reveals: Rachel Maddow is a libtard; Eugene Robinson is a moderate liberal; Pat Buchanan is an old white Republican; Joe Scarborough is a younger douchebag Republican. Who knew?

In 2008, what would post-primary analysis be without a dose of Chris “Rangoon” Matthews getting faux-snippy with a guest? Why it wouldn’t be post-primary analysis at all, you see! Check out Tweety getting into it with older-than-ever Pat Buchanan on MSNBC last night. Pat oh-snaps Chris for being wrong about New Hampshire, Chris adorably defends himself, and then Pat shouts about Mitt Romney being able to win everything.

On Dan Abrams’ program last night, he talked to Salon’s Joan Walsh, the Log Cabin Republicans dude, and Pat “Virginia’s Next Senator” Buchanan about Larry “He Said/He Said” Craig and David “Diaperman” Vitter. This was the most important part. Because who among us hasn’t wanted to shout “GAY PROSTITUTES” at Pat Buchanan?

Former Virginia governor and weird-looking multi-millionaire Democrat Mark Warner — apparently no relation to retiring 80-year-old Republican Senator John Warner — is announcing his run for the Senate maybe today. ([Hampton Roads]

This is as awesome as news gets: Pat Buchanan is going to run for the Senate from Virginia. Maybe. If there is a god. This dude reports today that Pat’s “being discussed as a possible candidate,” and unlike other GOP hopefuls Tom Davis and Jim Gilmore, Pat is a total fucking nutjob who says any crazy thing that pops into his head, regardless of whether it leads to people accusing him of hating, say, black people or Jews (just like his old boss, Richard “Greatest American Hero” Nixon). MORE »

It’s a fey and foppish week in Wonk’d with John Kerry eating organic, Pat Buchanan feeling ladylike, Dennis Kucinich running down the dream, Christopher Hitchens, uh, drinking, and wittle Kenny Mehlman walking off his lunch. All these dandies, plus a whiff of the week’s biggest asshole’s asshole.

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Did you know that The McLaughlin Group is still on the air? It is, broadcasting live each week direct from 1986. Last Sunday’s was apparently insane. We didn’t catch it, but HuffPo’s Rachel Sklar, Pat Buchanan fetishist, did, and she’s posted the video. MORE »