Your Anti-Climactic And Partial Wonkette WHCD 2k9 Report, With Fotos!
Monday, May 11th, 2009
Just to the left of this photo is a 9-foot 350-pound brainsmasher who happens to be Rahm Emanuel’s Secret Service guy (he usually carries Rahm around on piggyback, with Rahm brandishing a whip, yelling, “Faster, seeee?”) As the flash goes off, Rahm is saying to this Colossus, basically, “Why is the fucking Wonkette kid taking my fucking picture at this fucking Atlantic party?” But that cannot be confirmed.
Oh you want more pictures from the two things we went to this weekend, for the White House Dinner-Dance? Sorry, you’re not on the list, and we can’t let anyone who isn’t on the list look at our photos. But okay. MORE »
On Monday night your two Wonkette associate editors attended a Dinner Party thrown by the digest The Week, called The Week Opinion Awards, and we’re only posting about it now because hey, shut up. It was somewhat “A-List,” meaning (a) why the poo were we invited and (b) why the poo did we go? Because after only four seconds at the opening cocktail party, your male associate editor was begging Sara to leave. But two full glasses of gin over the next four seconds changed that attitude into “LET’S GO FUCK WITH LINDSEY GRAHAM” and we stayed for the dinner after all. 
So the absolute most worthless people on this rotten planet are liberals, filthy rat-sucking liberals, particularly limousine liberals from liberal Hollywood and their east coast enablers, the Non-Profit Outreach Directors. They get together for these Red Bull-fueled art parties on either coast a couple of times a year to literally masturbate to themselves. They have NO FOOD at their parties because they are all gay, and anorexic. We went to one of these parties last night, and just you wait for this blush of libtardation: “The MoveOn.org, SEIU, Obey Giant Manifest Hope DC Party.” It was actually pretty cool and we don’t mean any of the nasty things we just wrote. (But seriously, no food.) Sexy picture time! 
As you all have read various times on this blog, Wonkette, we hosted an 
Your Wonkette despises leaving the house, ever, except for such things as food, but even that can frequently come in the form of home delivery these days, what with the Internet and all. But it is Holiday season, alas, and we feel obligated to cover DC’s many terrible holiday parties! Last night, your Wonkette, along with visiting college friend operative “Stephen,” went to two (2) parties that had absolutely nothing to do with The Holidays. The first was a “send-off to the White House” shindig at the Hawk and Dove for Obama’s fierce new press secretary, Robert Gibbs! This was almost certainly a “party crash;” we had absolutely no business being there. The second was a 40th anniversary party or something for libertarian deathrag Reason, which was just a bunch of drunk Cato Institute staffers from Norway getting belligerent at a filthy bar in Dupont. Endless tales of treachery and violence follow. 
Your associate editor took a long, expensive cab ride to a party at the club Aqua, in Minneapolis, and, despite having a ticket, was rejected. SAD. Here’s what happened: this thieving piece of trash “security” tranny asked us whether we were with the media before we even entered the line, and then told us we weren’t “on the media list.” Shortly thereafter we procured our regular, non-media ticket and were about to enter until, then, this same tranny told us we could not enter because she already “knew” we were with the media. “I have the right to revoke the ticket, this is a private affair, no media,” spaketh the tranny. Well, fine. But did she think we didn’t know what was going on in there? 