Two of George W. Bush’s favorite lovers, Andy Card and John Bolten, held a fancy party where everybody got to pay $5 to french the outgoing president. They held the party in Maryland, of course, where the Law still allows those types of things. MORE »

As you all have read various times on this blog, Wonkette, we hosted an Inaugural Ball Friday to commemorate the first president, Barack Obama. Hundreds of people showed up just in time for the bathroom to break completely. Liz Glover even showed up to her party, eventually! No one was killed, but hey, we can’t have ALL the excitement. Now let’s check out some sexytime photos for you losers who didn’t fly in for this one night or were too cold to leave your houses. MORE »

OMG we just had so much fun, right, at Wonkette’s Inaugural Ball last night. Just soooooooooo much fun. Packed, it was! Now, between (a) your associate editor’s lack of a camera and (b) your associate editor’s hour-long absence from the party after the kegs ran out at midnight, when he and Liz drove to HYATTSVILLE, MARYLAND to locate more alcohol (unsuccessful, although there was liquor in abundance when when we returned, somehow, hooray)… your associate editor doesn’t have enough photos. Please send yr sexy party pixxx to tips@wonkette.com, subject line “MOAR,” and we’ll do a longer picture post tomorrowish. Thanks to everyone who came!

IMPORTANT SEXYTIME INFORMATION: Okay so a full 10.9 million people plan on attending Wonkette’s Inaugural Ball tomorrow night at the yoga studio of the Washington Times‘ Liz Glover. Hooray! A few people have asked questions. (1) There is no “dress code,” so wear jeans or other common pants, or skirts, and festive tops. (2) We will have a few kegs but all liquor is BYO. (3) If you vomit on the floor then your full name and occupation will be posted on this website. Ha! What fun we shall have! [FACEBOOK EVENT PAGE]

In the history of Weeks, never has there been so much fun to be had on Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays. Now, in honor of President Barry, all the parties on Earth have come to DC, making for a very special a To-Do: Wonkette’s Official Inaugural Mid-Week Programme. MORE »

To honor Barack Obama’s swearing-in as the first Luo president of America, ever, your Wonkette is hosting a sexy sexy party this Friday — yes, the one that’s in two days! Ha ha! And it’s free for everyone, with the musics and the alcohols. America’s videographer Liz Glover will play host at her very own yoga studio to boot! Oh boy! Details! MORE »

Back in the day, people would ring in the New Year the old fashioned way: by scoring an eight ball, buying a $5,000 VIP table at a Miami Beach party hosted by a fancy young rap impresario, and having sex in a jacuzzi with a half-dozen hot Brazilian models while smoking cigars made out of hundred-dollar bills. But this year, with everybody impoverished and starving, festivities were looking a little slimmer. MORE »

There are many exciting things to do this weekend, this freezing, rainy, middle-of-December weekend. For example: a concert at a pizza place. That’s something new. Oh, and Tim Gunn, the “distinguished one” from Project Runway will be in town promoting some charity thing, for gays. Get liquored up and ask questions about Heidi Klum. MORE »

The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, Adm. Mike Mullen, and his lovely wife, “Mrs. Mike,” are canceling their annual Christmas soiree for various local warlords and celebrities such as Kid Rock — Because Of The Recession. Curses! We had just purchased our Barry Goldwater costumes, too. Instead, “the Mullens will host a small gathering for wounded service members, their families, and the families of the fallen.” Oh that is so Washington of them, hiding behind the pwecious SOLDIERS. Will Kid Rock be there, though? [Washington Whispers]

Oh boy howdy here’s a winner of a party from our special friends at Late Night Shots, the exclusive invite-only social networking club for glib Georgetown trust-funders whose hearts belong to the Confederacy. The members were recently inspired by the playful cultural activities of the slaves on their plantations, and they’ve decided to throw an ironic version for themselves! HA HA HA, see it’s an AWESOME and hilarious idea for a party, because they’re pretending to be like black people!!

The weekend is, fundamentally, a series of days, two days, in which Americans have a choice — an important choice — for the states, federally. But even not all Americans are going to agree, absolutely, so that’s why we have choices in terms of the law of the land, in this great nation of Alas– America. The United States. For all people really, and John McCain has always said culture is the key to, embracing America, on a state level, for the good folks in Washington DC. MORE »