Tag Archives: paris hilton

  No ho diddly for you!

Nevada’s Bunny Ranch: Stay Away From Our Nice Hooker Sex Ladies, Josh Duggar!

Nope, Josh Duggar can't have those either.
It’s funny how nobody wants Josh Duggar around anymore, all because a couple police reports, probably concoctions of the lamestream media, say he molested four of his sisters and a babysitter back in the day. The latest place Duggar is persona non grata is the very famous Moonlite Bunny Ranch outside Carson City, Nevada, which has issued a press release saying SORRY JOSH, but your diddle-fingers are just TOO GROSS for our ladies of the night. Read more on Nevada’s Bunny Ranch: Stay Away From Our Nice Hooker Sex Ladies, Josh Duggar!…
  eat the rich

Hero Hilton Heir Is Emperor Of All He Surveys, Also: Arrested

He looks like this probably
Terrible news on the social justice front: A young man was arrested and shackled just for exercising his First Amendment rights to free speech. Sort of: Paris Hilton’s younger brother Conrad has appeared in court after allegedly becoming enraged on a British Airways flight from London to Los Angeles, calling passengers “peasants” and making children cry. […] Read more on Hero Hilton Heir Is Emperor Of All He Surveys, Also: Arrested…
  candy candy candy i can't let you go

Today In Trademark Fun: Manufacturer of Candy Crush Now Owns The Word ‘Candy’

Have you played Candy Crush? Are you addicted to the rush of winning the lower levels, only to be driven mad by the higher, completely unfinishable levels? You’re not alone. Soon, though, you won’t be able to salve your wounded ego by playing other candy-themed games, because Candy Crush manufacturer King Ltd. trademarked the word “candy” and is going HARD after other games that were foolish enough to believe they could use a common English word for sweets in their game name. Read more on Today In Trademark Fun: Manufacturer of Candy Crush Now Owns The Word ‘Candy’…
  american aristocrats

As Mass Governor, Cartoon Plutocrat Mitt Romney Taxed People For Being Blind

Our good, decent, compassionate brethren on the right are always screaming and wailing about Paris Hilton’s god-given right to never work a day in her life because some fringe Mad Men character made a lot of money once, and taxing her on her inheritance means taxing DEATH ITSELF. We all know that His Lord High Hairgel Mittens of Romney understands wealth’s need to cascade from father to son, down through the centuries. He would never be so gauche as to tax the living for the money of the dead. But if you have to have “money” to run your state, and you don’t want it to come from you, from whose pocket should it justly be yanked? We will go with “blind people.” Read more on As Mass Governor, Cartoon Plutocrat Mitt Romney Taxed People For Being Blind…
  distractions

GlennBeckPalooza Already Forgotten Thanks To Paris Hilton’s Cocaine & the Emmys

Mad Men,, Glee and Paris Hilton’s arrest in Las Vegas for (allegedly!) dropping a sack of coke when the cops pulled her over — these are the three things America paid attention to this weekend, instead of Glenn Beck’s WalMart Parking Lot Jamboree. [Washington Post] Read more on GlennBeckPalooza Already Forgotten Thanks To Paris Hilton’s Cocaine & the Emmys…
  th-that's n-not hot

BLACK AND WHITE: The American People see Barack Obama’s ads as positive, hopeful messages of hopefulness, while John McCain’s commercials are universally seen as cheap, bitter little sacks of negative bile. That’s why 48% of The People are tired of hearing about Obama. [UPI] Read more on …
  important blog postings

The New Republic Debunks Paris Hilton’s Policy Plans!

Important news from the Wonkette Inbox(!): “Today on TNR.com, Dayo Olopade offers the definitive fact-check of Paris Hilton’s energy recommendations in her new ‘campaign’ video. While Hilton’s video is perhaps a humorous response to McCain’s recent ‘celebrity’ ad featuring her likeness, Olopade concludes that even Paris, alas, gets the facts wrong on offshore drilling.” While this seems like the perfect setup for a Rick Roll, or a blinking screen that says “No Shit,” Mr. Olopade did, in fact, write this article challenging Paris Hilton’s claims. What’s next? Jamie Kirchick’s imaginary response? UPDATE: Oh dear, someone e-mails to say that it is actually “Ms.” Olopade, which we strongly considered Googling to confirm, but now we’re just racist. [TNR] Read more on The New Republic Debunks Paris Hilton’s Policy Plans!…
  attack ads

Well How About That, It’s That Paris Hilton Gal

Oh that wacky Paris Hilton, seizing on the moment. Here she is wearing a creepy swimming gown and responding to John McCain’s dumb ad about her in an internet video from some comedy website we’ve never heard of. Top story on Drudge? Mission accomplished, obviously. [Funny Or Die] Read more on Well How About That, It’s That Paris Hilton Gal…
  war of the heiresses

Paris Hilton’s Mom To McCain: No You’re Frivolous

We told you how Paris Hilton’s grandfather and dad were furious about John McCain’s idiot commercial comparing Barack Obama to white party girls, which was the horrible stunt that finally brought RACE into America’s colorblind politics. But now Paris’ own mom, Kathy Hilton, has published her terse tirade against the campaign her ultra-rich family once supported — she put it right there on Huffington Post, which is Rich America’s version of Twitter. Read more on Paris Hilton’s Mom To McCain: No You’re Frivolous…
  the one

Finally, Finally, McCain Campaign Compares Obama To O.J. Simpson

John McCain and his loser friends are all racists, which we know because they made an ad with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton but not Brad Pitt, Tiger Woods, David Beckham or The Police. Can you even believe it. Back here on Planet Earth, however, there actually was some pretty clear racial shit coming out of the McCain campaign yesterday — not necessarily in their accusing Obama of playing the Race Card, but in the cleverly chosen words they used to accuse him of this. Horrible subliminal racist anger over O.J. Simpson, meet the candidacy of Barack Obama. Read more on Finally, Finally, McCain Campaign Compares Obama To O.J. Simpson…
  those celebrities are not racial transcendence!

Was John McCain’s Ad Racist Because It Didn’t Include Tiger Woods?

There’s been a hilarious debate on the Internet the last couple of days, as per usual, about whether the McCain “Celeb” ad was Racist because it chose two young white gals, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, as Barack Obama’s alter egos instead of the actual two most famous celebrities in the world. It is, apparently, a similar situation to the attack ad on Harold Ford in 2006, where he is constantly talking to loose white women on the telephone. If John McCain were to *objectively* pick the two most famous people in the world, the liberals argue, at least one of them would have been TIGER WOODS, the GOLFER. The conservatives do not believe Tiger Woods counts, however, because he has accomplishments! Prepare to rock and/or roll. Read more on Was John McCain’s Ad Racist Because It Didn’t Include Tiger Woods?…
  massive fail

Hilton Family FURIOUS Over McCain Insulting Paris Hilton

While everybody else was laughing at that ridiculous Paris Hilton/Obama ad the McCain people released yesterday, at least two very wealthy Republican donors were furious: William Barron Hilton and Rick Hilton, Paris’ grandfather and father. Read more on Hilton Family FURIOUS Over McCain Insulting Paris Hilton…
 

SCREAMING SCOOTER LIBBY SENT BACK TO JAIL

WASHINGTON (AP) — Screaming and crying, Irve “Scooter” Libby was escorted out of a courtroom and back to jail Friday after a judge ruled that he must serve out his entire 30-month sentence behind bars rather than in his home. “It’s not right!” shouted the weeping Libby, who was convicted of four felonies in a reckless spy-outing case. “Mom!” he called out to Dick Cheney in the audience. Read more on SCREAMING SCOOTER LIBBY SENT BACK TO JAIL…
 

Buy Barbara Bush’s Phone!

Last week, “mercado libre,” the Argentinian eBay, featured a quickly-removed auction for Barbara Bush’s stolen cell phone. The auction started at 1,000 pesos, and the seller jokingly declared that the phone would be delivered to the winner by Osama bin Laden himself. Read more on Buy Barbara Bush’s Phone!…
 

Paris, darling, you’re awful…but we love you

Oh, Paris! On this, the day that a transcript of your defamation-based deposition with lawyers for Zeta Graff has hit Page Six, we finally, truly understand the difficulties inherent to the life of an heiress. Namely, the lack of a good, old-fashioned enrollment in finishing school. Read more on Paris, darling, you’re awful…but we love you…