Tag Archives: paranoia

  'Bagger & Me

Angry Screaming Patriot Pretty Sure Army Just Invaded Michigan, Has Video To Prove It

He sure looks tyrannical
In Flint, Michigan, earlier this week, the U.S. Army was conducting some perfectly routine training exercises that involved pretending to do urban combat — the kind of close-quarters fighting that poses some of the greatest risks to soldiers. Think Fallujah in 2004. So, like a fire department burning down a condemned house for practice putting it out, the Army got permission from the City of Flint to do some maneuvers among condemned buildings at a long-vacant junior high school. Problem is, when the Army unit changed its schedule, the city only gave a couple hours’ advance warning to locals that there would be a bunch of loud booms coming from the old school as the Army practiced “attacking” it. Read more on Angry Screaming Patriot Pretty Sure Army Just Invaded Michigan, Has Video To Prove It…
  Readin' Ritin' And Rifles

Idaho School Staff Packing Heat, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

Garden Valley School (machine gun nests not shown)
A plucky rural Idaho school is ready to protect its students from All The Bad Guys, yay! The Garden Valley School district, about 50 miles northeast of Boise, bought itself four rifles and 2,000 rounds of ammunition, to prepare for whatever horrific mayhem might descend on the town’s single K-12 school, which has a total of 239 students. KBOI TV reports that the school is also “considering spending up to $2,000 to purchase extra magazine rounds and body armor vests, according to school board documents. Each rifle was purchased for $680.” They’re going to want that body armor, just in case the zombies or militant Idaho jihadis start attacking. Read more on Idaho School Staff Packing Heat, What Could Possibly Go Wrong?…
  Pobody's nerfect!

Oops, U.S. Military Accidentally Ships Live Anthrax All Over The Place

Coulda been worse. They coulda sent Slayer.
Oh, man, were there some red faces at the Dugway Proving Ground in Utah when it was discovered that the Army lab there had accidentally sent out live samples of anthrax to labs in six states and South Korea. Fortunately, it was just red faces, without any nausea, vomiting, or coughing up blood, so let’s all count our blessings, shall we? Read more on Oops, U.S. Military Accidentally Ships Live Anthrax All Over The Place…
  Snake River Jihad

Sure, Idaho, Child Support Bill Will Lead To Sharia Law. What? No, You’re Not Crazy At All

Get out of that state, get out of that state you're in. You better beware...
Left: State Sen. Sheryl Nuxoll (R-Cottonwood) Right: The International Radical Islamic Juggernaut, Everywhere But Idaho The Idaho Legislature’s 2015 session came to an exciting end Friday with a small group of nutjob Republicans killing off a bill to enforce child support judgments so Idaho wouldn’t have to fear living under the yoke of radical Islamic law. The decision to kill the bill endangers the state’s access to about $46 million in federal funding and to programs that help with processing child support payments and tracking down delinquent parents. But isn’t that a small price to pay to remain free of the taint of Sharia? Read more on Sure, Idaho, Child Support Bill Will Lead To Sharia Law. What? No, You’re Not Crazy At All…
  No Mention Of A Free Toaster Oven Either

Gays Admit To Recruiting Your Children, Say Adorably Gullible Rightwing Nutjobs

They want you! They want you!
Well, darn it, if you can’t believe the headline of an article at Bradlee Dean’s Refuge For WND Rejects, how can you trust anything you read on the interwebs? A March 12 piece by Tim Brown certainly sounds terrifying enough: “Open Sexual Deviant: I’ve Been Indoctrinating America’s Kids to Be Sodomites – I Lied about It & Am Not Sorry” OMG it’s true! The Gheys really ARE trying to recruit our children into their lifestyles of sin and depravity! And lord knows it certainly starts with a fine goulash of paranoid terror: Read more on Gays Admit To Recruiting Your Children, Say Adorably Gullible Rightwing Nutjobs…
  Going Back To Kali

Pat Robertson Has Thoughts On Devil’s Yoga. They Are Bad Thoughts.

Danger Yoga!
Pat Robertson reminded his viewers (we assume he has some) on Tuesday that the world is beset with traps and snares for the unwary Christian, like the prospect that a simple exercise class could trick your innocent child into speaking in foreign tongues and invoking strange Hindoo devil-gods! Read more on Pat Robertson Has Thoughts On Devil’s Yoga. They Are Bad Thoughts….
  Our Cold Dead Hands

A Responsible Gun Owner Thanksgiving

Not related to the story but CUTE.
With the annual Harvest Feast nearly upon us, when we give thanks for all our blessings, especially the Second Amendment, which makes all other blessings possible, let’s take a quick look at how America’s Responsible Gun Owners are keeping themselves safe from crime and preventing tyranny. Read more on A Responsible Gun Owner Thanksgiving…
  Ira We Hardly Knew Ye

Ira Hansen, Your New Favorite Nevada Wingnut, Already Calls It Quits

Goodnight Sweet Dunce
Just after we proclaimed him our favorite new wingnut and looked forward to a 2015 full of brilliantly idiotic quotes and policy positions, Nevada state assemblyman Ira Hansen has announced that he will not become Speaker of the Nevada House of Representatives after all. Read more on Ira Hansen, Your New Favorite Nevada Wingnut, Already Calls It Quits…
  The Far Right Stuff

Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut

Listen: Nevada Republicans are not interested in your “bipartisanship” or your “getting along” or your “logic and facts.” As soon as they took over the state House, they chose as their new Speaker one Ira Hansen, a gentleman who, according to the Reno News & Review, “doesn’t like blacks, gays, Israel, many Republicans, and most Nevadans[.]” Mr. Hansen got a brief mention in Yr Wonkette earlier this year when he explained that the reason Republicans don’t do so well with younger voters is that the GOP needs to be more firmly conservative on traditional marriage, to catch the wave of anti-gay sentiment among young folks. Read more on Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut…
  When The President Does It It's Not Illegal

Watch Harry Shearer Dick Nixon — Before He Dicks You (Video)

You'll believe a man can be slimy
If you’re any kind of liberal at all — and as a Wonkette reader, you’re the very best kind of liberal, because you’re immune to cheap flattery — you hold a special, very dark place in your heart for Richard Milhous Nixon, the slimiest human being to ever pace around the Oval Office and cry to a portrait of Lincoln at 3 AM. Oh, sure, Reagan and Dubya may have been far worse at actually Presidenting, but Nixon’s paranoid self-importance and underhanded sleaziness put the man in a category all his own. He was truly a complex mass of inconsistencies, for whom Hunter S. Thompson’s loathing was fully justified: Read more on Watch Harry Shearer Dick Nixon — Before He Dicks You (Video)…
  Infectious Unease Vectors

Left-Wing Nurse Knows Too Much About Ebola To Have Opinions About Ebola

How odd that a volunteer for Doctors Without Borders isn't a Republican
Since Barack Obama stubbornly insists on listening to public health experts instead of Fox News, it’s become quite clear that wingnuts’ favored non-solution, a ban on travel from West Africa, isn’t going to happen. Happily, a few governors figured out that even if they can’t ban travel, they can impose a quarantine order on people who have been in West Africa, so now it’s time to scoop up people with no Ebola symptoms and isolate them all for 21 days. Read more on Left-Wing Nurse Knows Too Much About Ebola To Have Opinions About Ebola…
  Washed In The Blood And Other Bodily Fluids Of The Lamb

Pastor Warns Gay Weddings Will Give Us All Ebola

Do you, Jim, Haz Matt to be your husband?
The forecast for North Carolina is gay skies with a chance of Ebola, according to Babtist pastor Ron Baity — really! — who told his flock at Berean Babtist Church that God is going to strike America with all sorts of nastiness because the Gay Homosexual End Times are here. It wasn’t immediately clear if Baity (snk!) considered last week’s ruling striking down the state’s ban on marriage equality a cause or a symptom of the End of Days, which are definitely here: Read more on Pastor Warns Gay Weddings Will Give Us All Ebola…
  The Big Ebolaski

Erick Erickson Blames Fat Lesbians For Lack Of An Ebola Vaccine

Srs political thought is srs bsns
As we enter Week Umpteen of the National Compulsory Ebola Freakout, complete with a second U.S. patient, we also get this interesting detail: Dr. Francis Collins, director of the National Institutes of Health, says a steady trend of fiscal austerity has slowed research on important topics, including work on a vaccine for Ebola: Read more on Erick Erickson Blames Fat Lesbians For Lack Of An Ebola Vaccine…
  Lies From the Pit Of Hell

Morning Maddow: So Many GOP Lies, So Much Rachel Debunking

This animation annoys us: aren't the two choo-choos on the left crashing into each other?
Rachel Maddow brought us a double helping of Debunktion Junction Wednesday night, because there was just too much misinformation out there for a single segment. First off, she looked at that outrageous ad that congressmoron Kevin Cramer filmed in the North Dakota Veterans Cemetery without permission, violating VA rules to use dead soldiers’ graves as props in an ad. Cramer insisted to several media outlets that he would withdraw the ad. Has he actually done it? Watch and find out! Read more on Morning Maddow: So Many GOP Lies, So Much Rachel Debunking…
  Irrefutable Proof Is Irrefutable

The Bible Proves Obama’s The Antichrist, Again

It's th' Pink Pony of the Apocalypse! Run for Your Lives!
Hope you enjoyed your Blood Moon this morning — it’s a sign of the Apocalypse! So is the fact that our morning bagel showed us a vision of Satan gnawing on the bones of the damned. But that could just say more about the quality of bagels available in Boise. Read more on The Bible Proves Obama’s The Antichrist, Again…