paranoia

Over at wingnut thought-leader drunktank TownHall.com yesterday, CNS News editor Terry Jeffrey explained the real reason Barack Obama wants universal pre-K: it doesn’t have anything to do with education; Obama just wants to indoctrinate children at ever-younger ages by making sure that children “spend most of their waking hours with members of a government teachers […]

Frontline reports from the Culture Wars: Our Oscar winners are full of leftist propaganda! Best Picture 12 Years a Slave is historically inaccurate, only depicting unhappy slaves with cruel masters, and ignoring the many “contented” slaves. And even this year’s Best Animated Feature, Disney’s Frozen, should be avoided since it encourages children to become gay. […]

National Rifle Association CEO and Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre admitted that he and most gun fondlers are motivated by fear, although he didn’t quite put it that way. At CPAC Thursday, the gun fetishist in chief shared a vision of America as a paranoid hellscape: “We fear for the safety of our families. It’s […]

We just can’t seem to escape rightwing freakouts about the Common Core educational standards, from concerns that Barack Obama is going to tell children that correct answers don’t matter at all in math to Victoria Jackson’s worries about how they will make children see tiny cartoon weenuses. Newest case: Arizona’s Senate Education Committee voted 6-3 […]

Time for another rightwing freakout over Obama’s private army coming to take your guns and freedom and maybe marry your daughter off to a Muslim whilst they’re at it. Turns out that in January 2013, the Ohio National Guard’s 52nd Civil Support Team did a counterterrorism training exercise that simulated this completely impossible scenario: The […]

OMG, as if it weren’t bad enough that Barack Obama is using the Common Core educational standards to decree that all schoolbooks will praise him and that 3 X 4 = 11, now the genius researchers at Dead Breitbart’s Center for Duct-Taping Random Facts Together have discovered the secret agenda of the new standards: to […]

Tom Bauerle, an Amherst, New York, AM radio talker who has long opposed gun control, apparently became convinced that operatives from Gov. Andrew Cuomo were staking out his backyard, so he waved a loaded semiautomatic pistol at the nonexistent intruders. Police in the Buffalo suburb of Amherst took the gun away from him early last […]

At this point, it’s inexcusable that GOP Rep. Louie Gohmert’s name is not a widely used neologism meaning something like “a person or thing that makes everything worse by being a fucking asshole.” Notice we did not say “a stupid fucking asshole” because Louie Gohmert isn’t stupid — he knows exactly how to formulate his […]

Paranoid anti-Muslim savior of western civilization Pam Geller must go through a lot of undies, considering her ability to soil them at the slightest hint of MUSLIM JIHAD TERROR. Consider this scary headline from Sunday: “FBI WARNS: MUSLIM TERRORISTS PLAN TO ATTACK FUEL STORAGE PLANTS INSIDE U.S.” And her lede is full of I-told-you-so victimhood […]

The tiny community of Deer Trail, Colorado, (population 546) is considering passing an ordinance to sell “drone hunting licenses” and offer a bounty for shooting down federally owned unmanned aerial vehicles (UAVs). But don’t worry, they are only joking (except for the guy who introduced the measure — he says he’s completely serious). We aren’t sure whether […]

Barry West, a county commissioner for Coffee County, Tennessee, would like to know why he’s being “singled out” for having posted this witty little image on his Facebook page last Saturday. After all, it’s not him in the picture, and he didn’t make up the image. All he did was share it, and then a […]

What a week for gun news to wrap our cold dead hands around. We have already told you about the dust-up in the Senate Judiciary Committee when Canadian anchor baby Ted Cruz (R-Pew! Pew!) mansplained the Constitution to Dianne Feinstein and DiFi told him to STFU and DIAF. Readers who know something about DiFi’s history […]

Jim Treacher, who periodically writes incredibly stupid shit at the Daily Caller Media Foundation Trademark, is now demanding the real birth certificate for Hillary Clinton’s concussion or something, and DEMANDS RESPECT FOR HIS CRUSADE. A few weeks ago, when Hillary’s people said she wouldn’t be testifying about Benghazi because she’d fallen down and hit her […]

Back in our grad skool Shakespeare class, Professor Kiefer noted that Elizabethan tragedians, keen to keep the groundlings entertained, kept ramping up onstage murders until some plays ended with bodies heaped all over the stage. He linked this to other escalations of sensationalism in popular culture, from the Théâtre du Grand-Guignol to the ever-more baroque […]

WE KNEW IT! That Google thought it could win over our trust by keeping secret about our favorite porn and about our weird health fears, but now it’s gone too far: It’s single-handedly taken down Glenn Beck’s best bro, Hosni Mubarak. Look, this isn’t a political thing. Glenn Beck didn’t like it when Bing gave […]