Tag Archives: paranoia

  Snake River Jihad

Sure, Idaho, Child Support Bill Will Lead To Sharia Law. What? No, You’re Not Crazy At All

Get out of that state, get out of that state you're in. You better beware...
Left: State Sen. Sheryl Nuxoll (R-Cottonwood) Right: The International Radical Islamic Juggernaut, Everywhere But Idaho The Idaho Legislature’s 2015 session came to an exciting end Friday with a small group of nutjob Republicans killing off a bill to enforce child support judgments so Idaho wouldn’t have to fear living under the yoke of radical Islamic law. The decision to kill the bill endangers the state’s access to about $46 million in federal funding and to programs that help with processing child support payments and tracking down delinquent parents. But isn’t that a small price to pay to remain free of the taint of Sharia? Read more on Sure, Idaho, Child Support Bill Will Lead To Sharia Law. What? No, You’re Not Crazy At All…
  No Mention Of A Free Toaster Oven Either

Gays Admit To Recruiting Your Children, Say Adorably Gullible Rightwing Nutjobs

They want you! They want you!
Well, darn it, if you can’t believe the headline of an article at Bradlee Dean’s Refuge For WND Rejects, how can you trust anything you read on the interwebs? A March 12 piece by Tim Brown certainly sounds terrifying enough: “Open Sexual Deviant: I’ve Been Indoctrinating America’s Kids to Be Sodomites – I Lied about It & Am Not Sorry” OMG it’s true! The Gheys really ARE trying to recruit our children into their lifestyles of sin and depravity! And lord knows it certainly starts with a fine goulash of paranoid terror: Read more on Gays Admit To Recruiting Your Children, Say Adorably Gullible Rightwing Nutjobs…
  Going Back To Kali

Pat Robertson Has Thoughts On Devil’s Yoga. They Are Bad Thoughts.

Danger Yoga!
Pat Robertson reminded his viewers (we assume he has some) on Tuesday that the world is beset with traps and snares for the unwary Christian, like the prospect that a simple exercise class could trick your innocent child into speaking in foreign tongues and invoking strange Hindoo devil-gods! Read more on Pat Robertson Has Thoughts On Devil’s Yoga. They Are Bad Thoughts….
  Our Cold Dead Hands

A Responsible Gun Owner Thanksgiving

Not related to the story but CUTE.
With the annual Harvest Feast nearly upon us, when we give thanks for all our blessings, especially the Second Amendment, which makes all other blessings possible, let’s take a quick look at how America’s Responsible Gun Owners are keeping themselves safe from crime and preventing tyranny. Read more on A Responsible Gun Owner Thanksgiving…
  Ira We Hardly Knew Ye

Ira Hansen, Your New Favorite Nevada Wingnut, Already Calls It Quits

Goodnight Sweet Dunce
Just after we proclaimed him our favorite new wingnut and looked forward to a 2015 full of brilliantly idiotic quotes and policy positions, Nevada state assemblyman Ira Hansen has announced that he will not become Speaker of the Nevada House of Representatives after all. Read more on Ira Hansen, Your New Favorite Nevada Wingnut, Already Calls It Quits…
  The Far Right Stuff

Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut

Listen: Nevada Republicans are not interested in your “bipartisanship” or your “getting along” or your “logic and facts.” As soon as they took over the state House, they chose as their new Speaker one Ira Hansen, a gentleman who, according to the Reno News & Review, “doesn’t like blacks, gays, Israel, many Republicans, and most Nevadans[.]” Mr. Hansen got a brief mention in Yr Wonkette earlier this year when he explained that the reason Republicans don’t do so well with younger voters is that the GOP needs to be more firmly conservative on traditional marriage, to catch the wave of anti-gay sentiment among young folks. Read more on Incoming Nevada Speaker Ira Hansen Is Your New Favorite Wingnut…
  When The President Does It It's Not Illegal

Watch Harry Shearer Dick Nixon — Before He Dicks You (Video)

You'll believe a man can be slimy
If you’re any kind of liberal at all — and as a Wonkette reader, you’re the very best kind of liberal, because you’re immune to cheap flattery — you hold a special, very dark place in your heart for Richard Milhous Nixon, the slimiest human being to ever pace around the Oval Office and cry to a portrait of Lincoln at 3 AM. Oh, sure, Reagan and Dubya may have been far worse at actually Presidenting, but Nixon’s paranoid self-importance and underhanded sleaziness put the man in a category all his own. He was truly a complex mass of inconsistencies, for whom Hunter S. Thompson’s loathing was fully justified: Read more on Watch Harry Shearer Dick Nixon — Before He Dicks You (Video)…
  Infectious Unease Vectors

Left-Wing Nurse Knows Too Much About Ebola To Have Opinions About Ebola

How odd that a volunteer for Doctors Without Borders isn't a Republican
Since Barack Obama stubbornly insists on listening to public health experts instead of Fox News, it’s become quite clear that wingnuts’ favored non-solution, a ban on travel from West Africa, isn’t going to happen. Happily, a few governors figured out that even if they can’t ban travel, they can impose a quarantine order on people who have been in West Africa, so now it’s time to scoop up people with no Ebola symptoms and isolate them all for 21 days. Read more on Left-Wing Nurse Knows Too Much About Ebola To Have Opinions About Ebola…
  Washed In The Blood And Other Bodily Fluids Of The Lamb

Pastor Warns Gay Weddings Will Give Us All Ebola

Do you, Jim, Haz Matt to be your husband?
The forecast for North Carolina is gay skies with a chance of Ebola, according to Babtist pastor Ron Baity — really! — who told his flock at Berean Babtist Church that God is going to strike America with all sorts of nastiness because the Gay Homosexual End Times are here. It wasn’t immediately clear if Baity (snk!) considered last week’s ruling striking down the state’s ban on marriage equality a cause or a symptom of the End of Days, which are definitely here: Read more on Pastor Warns Gay Weddings Will Give Us All Ebola…
  The Big Ebolaski

Erick Erickson Blames Fat Lesbians For Lack Of An Ebola Vaccine

Srs political thought is srs bsns
As we enter Week Umpteen of the National Compulsory Ebola Freakout, complete with a second U.S. patient, we also get this interesting detail: Dr. Francis Collins, director of the National Institutes of Health, says a steady trend of fiscal austerity has slowed research on important topics, including work on a vaccine for Ebola: Read more on Erick Erickson Blames Fat Lesbians For Lack Of An Ebola Vaccine…
  Lies From the Pit Of Hell

Morning Maddow: So Many GOP Lies, So Much Rachel Debunking

This animation annoys us: aren't the two choo-choos on the left crashing into each other?
Rachel Maddow brought us a double helping of Debunktion Junction Wednesday night, because there was just too much misinformation out there for a single segment. First off, she looked at that outrageous ad that congressmoron Kevin Cramer filmed in the North Dakota Veterans Cemetery without permission, violating VA rules to use dead soldiers’ graves as props in an ad. Cramer insisted to several media outlets that he would withdraw the ad. Has he actually done it? Watch and find out! Read more on Morning Maddow: So Many GOP Lies, So Much Rachel Debunking…
  Irrefutable Proof Is Irrefutable

The Bible Proves Obama’s The Antichrist, Again

It's th' Pink Pony of the Apocalypse! Run for Your Lives!
Hope you enjoyed your Blood Moon this morning — it’s a sign of the Apocalypse! So is the fact that our morning bagel showed us a vision of Satan gnawing on the bones of the damned. But that could just say more about the quality of bagels available in Boise. Read more on The Bible Proves Obama’s The Antichrist, Again…
  Another Hotbed Of Extremism (We Mean Breitbart)

Dead Breitbart Outraged Muslims Helped Rebuild Oklahoma After Tornado

Muslim sharks will behead you!
Hey, just how paranoid and crazy is Dead Breitbart today? Well, howzabout this here headline? WHITE HOUSE SENDS ‘THANK YOU’ TO BEHEADER’S OKLAHOMA MOSQUE CONGREGATION Good gracious gravy, why is the White House praising the nest of vipers that spawned Oklahoma beheader man Alton Nolen? After all, as all right-wingers know, Nolen singlehandedly brought Jihad to America a couple weeks back when he cut off a woman’s head in a horrible murder, even though the local DA continues to think, wrongly of course, that Nolen was more motivated by being fired for being a racist than by his religion — probably because, as everyone knows, Oklahoma prosecutors are so notoriously PC. Read more on Dead Breitbart Outraged Muslims Helped Rebuild Oklahoma After Tornado…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why Aren’t You Cowards Afraid Of Muslims Like You Should Be?

Twilight Sparkle and Rachel Maddow would be buds, for sure.
Time for another visit to the ol’ comment queue, where we find that our coverage of the Scary Muslim Beheading In Oklahoma really set off this one person going by the username”Karolthekafir,” who appears to be inordinately fond of limes. Over the space of a couple days, karolthekafir left just under 20 comments on the one story, and they shared a certain… predictability after a while. Here’s one of karol’s first efforts to educate us poor benighted liberals to the need for immediate panic: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why Aren’t You Cowards Afraid Of Muslims Like You Should Be?…
  It's Hard Out There For A Sociopath

George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet

Ready for all comers
It’s been a little while since we’ve checked in on the escapades of Completely Innocent Teen-Killer George Zimmerman, at least not since he got fired from his pretend duties as a night watchman at a gun shop that hadn’t invited him to watch it anyway, followed about five seconds later by an alleged incident of gun-waving road rage. Read more on George Zimmerman’s Entire Family Oppressed By Internet…
  Bullet Points

NRA Wonders Why You Paranoids Fear Gun Nuts And Their Weapons Stockpiles

Playing the arms race card
The NRA just can’t understand the paranoia of you people who have a problem with Responsible Gun Owners and their Perfectly Legal Firearms, which they keep with them at all times because they need to be ready to instantly kill a possible assailant. And so the NRA put together this very convincing video to explain that anyone who has a problem with armed citizens is a seriously disturbed human being who is afraid of both the Holy Second Amendment, and, even crazier, afraid of an inanimate object, for god’s sake. There is nothing to fear about a gun, you pussies. Here, listen to completely level-headed NRA commentary person Billy Johnson: Read more on NRA Wonders Why You Paranoids Fear Gun Nuts And Their Weapons Stockpiles…
  Freakoutbreak

Obama Declares War On Ebola. Wingnuts Discover Ebola Just Misunderstood.

You can always find a scary Obama image, no matter the topic
The U.S. government will be sending 3,000 troops to West Africa to help build treatment centers and coordinate services in the fight against the Ebola outbreak. President Obama announced the initiative during a visit to the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta Tuesday. The deployment will be done in coordination with the World Health Organization and will be centered in Liberia, where the virus has hit the hardest. The U.S. effort will build 17 treatment centers in that country and will eventually be training 500 healthcare workers a week in patient care and in sanitary procedures to prevent the spread of the virus. America will also be distributing sanitation kits to affected families and, sad part, distributing over 5000 body bags to municipal health authorities. Still, good on us! Read more on Obama Declares War On Ebola. Wingnuts Discover Ebola Just Misunderstood….
  Snake Oil Cowboy

Ted Nugent Poops Pants Again

Still neither jailed nor dead
Walking Teabagger Id Ted Nugent is a man who knows what’s going on in the world. He is a fellow with what the French call the savoir faire, or “Savory Fairies” as we would say. And sure, maybe some of his prognostications haven’t quite come to pass just yet, such as the Absolute Tyrannical Monarchy of Barack Obama, or that disappointingly inaccurate prediction that he’d be dead or in jail by April 2013. But you can’t be as hell-raising a wango ze tango full-auto full-metal jacketed Patriot sonofagun as Ted Nugent without the occasional off day, or decade. What we’re getting at is that Ted knows stuff, man. And what Ted knows this week is that 1) Thursday is the anniversary of 9/11; 2) ISIS is one scary bunch of maniacs and they are very definitely coming across our completely unprotected borders right now; 3) Barack Obama is still a big pussy weakling subhuman mongrel sumbitch, not that Ted means that in a racist way; and 4) Guns solve everything. Read more on Ted Nugent Poops Pants Again…
  'Big Sodomy' Is Our Favorite Laurie Anderson CD

Wingnut ‘Christian Fantasy’ Author Warns ‘Big Sodomy’ Is Coming For Your Kids

We couldn't improve on the original article's illustration. Though we'd center that flag on the podium. Lazy homophobes.
Here’s some interesting thinking from BarbWire, the internet catbox (now with clumping litter!) run by hyperChristian weirdo Matt Barber (it’s bad enough that he has a whole website, but did he have to insult a perfectly good cheesy sci-fi remake of Casablanca with the name?). It’s a think-piece titled “How ‘Sexual Liberty’ Devours Real Liberty” by “Christian Fantasy Literature” author Lee Duigon, in which the Christian fantasist worries that Barack Obama and his Big Gay Army will soon destroy America (what, again?) by deploying the forces of “Big Sodomy,” which will eventually, of course, outlaw Christianity and send all the faithful to FEMA camps or something. Read more on Wingnut ‘Christian Fantasy’ Author Warns ‘Big Sodomy’ Is Coming For Your Kids…
  Barack Ebola

Stupidest Men On The Internet: Obama Bringing Africans, Ebola, And Polygamy To America!

It is never the wrong time to panic
Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, and Kristinn Taylor, the Stupidest Guest Blogger on the internet, have been having a nice pretend meltdown the last couple of days about how Barack Obama is recklessly trying to kill America with the Ebola virus by inviting a whole bunch of Africans — from Africa, the continent that has Ebola — to Our Nation’s Capital for a summit of African leaders next week and a meeting of influential young Africans this week. Not that they’re sensationalizing or anything; they just have articles with judicious, careful headlines that urge a note of caution: Read more on Stupidest Men On The Internet: Obama Bringing Africans, Ebola, And Polygamy To America!…