Monday, January 19th, 2009
THAT’S NOT CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN: “‘Because competent mating did not occur,’ the zoo statement said, veterinarians anesthetized both pandas on Saturday, collected semen from Tian Tian and inserted it into Mei Xiang’s uterus.” [Washington Post]
Thug Panda Butterstick Nearly Humps D.C. Zookeeper’s Leg To Death
Thursday, March 20th, 2008
The kids, they grow up so fast these days! Not so long ago, our little Butterstick was the National Zoo’s newest adorable panda cub, conceived in a blissful and loving act of artificial insemination. Now officially called “Tai Shan,” he is all growns up and raping zookeepers. At least, we assume that is what they mean when the Washington Post says he made “physical contact” with one of his caretakers. MORE »
Monday, August 6th, 2007
“Despondent” Chinese panda attempts to eat Chinese zookeeper; could Washington’s beloved fuzzy black-and-white tourist attraction be next?
Help Name 18 Lousy Little Baby Pandas!
Tuesday, January 30th, 2007
Remember the innocent days of 2004 or whenever and how much you loved the National Zoo’s pet panda baby, Marion Barry “Butterstick” Jr.? Well, those days aren’t coming back.
But the once-loved Chinese animals are now breeding like the vermin they are, and these days nobody wants to name the little critters. This is why China is solemnly asking the world to Help Name the Number-Pandas. Not even a panda wants to spend its whole life known as “Number Five.”
After the jump, we give YOU the opportunity to vote for the new official panda baby names!
CNN.com Now Run By Pre-Schoolers
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007![]()
Hooray for Take Your Child To Work and Let Them Edit CNN.com Day. Also, it’s a story we made fun of two weeks ago. As Susan B. Anthony said, America will not be free until the last congressman is strangled with the entrails of the last panda. MORE »
Down With Butterstick: Japanese Panda Has Twins
Tuesday, December 26th, 2006
Now we’re officially scraping the bottom of the holiday news barrel, because we’re going to invoke that goddamned National Zoo baby panda we hate so much, Sun Myung Moon or whatever it’s called. MORE »
Lame Atlanta Panda Gives Birth To Non-Butterstick Panda Baby
Thursday, September 7th, 2006
What else do you need to know? Some zoo down in CNN-ville has some low-level pandas that make even average pandas seem like Lindsey Lohan. MORE »
To Do: Get Out and Exercise (Or Watch Others Do So)
Friday, March 31st, 2006* Hillary isn’t the only one who’s running. Participate in the Cherry Blossom 10-miler, either as a runner (if you’ve pre-registered) or a volunteer. [Credit Union Cherry Blossom 10 Mile Run] MORE »
Metro Section: Bitterness and Frustration
Monday, March 27th, 2006Despite the continued success of George Mason in the NCAA tournament, our computer troubles today have left us in a pretty foul mood. Not even that cute panda can lift our spirits. So please forgive the grumpiness. MORE »










