Tag: pandas

Go, corgis, go!

It’s National Dog Day. Pretty Sure We Could All Use Some Doggies About Now

We were getting all ready to end this perfectly shitty news day by sharing photos of the new panda babies at the National Zoo, but even that story went all to hell this afternoon, with the death of one...
What a thrilled zookeeper that must be, peeping in the background!

Inspiring! These Pandas F*cked Each Other For Almost Eight Whole Minutes!

Move over, all you other panda dudes who think you're hot shit or something. This Chinese panda bear studmuffin has set a whole new sex record that will leave you feeling downright flaccid and Not Good Enough. His name is Lu...
And that's what Hearth's Warming Eve is all about, Zombie Brown

Derp Roundup: Zombie Baby Jesus Edition

It's a special Ho-Ho-Huh? Edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the stories that don't quite deserve their very own posts, but are too stupid to ignore altogether. So light the candles and gather round the...

It’s All Going To Be OK: The Zoo Pandas Signed a Five-Year Extension

Why do we suddenly see members of Congress referring inanely to nerdface Hu Jintao, the weakest leader in the history of the People's Republic of China, as a "dictator" and a murdering "gangster"? Our pandas have been SECURED. That's...

Forgotten Butterstick Released From Chinese Prison

What has become of Washington's beloved comedy animal, Butterstick the Panda Bear? If this tragic BBC News photo is to be trusted, the once-adored animal is now a beaten, sad-faced monster finally let out of its horror jail after...

China Tired of Loaning Us Everything, Seizes Butterstick From Washington Zoo

Beloved black-and-white poopbag "Butterstick" has finally been seized by our Chinese overlords and flown back to Red China, where the sad worn-out creature will be brutally interrogated for his contacts with the Dalai Lama. And then, magically, the famous...

Farewell, Butterstick: Unwanted Panda Being Shipped To China

Good lord, has it really been five years since famous baby panda "Butterstick" -- which means Tai Shan in Chinese -- was born in the Washington zoo? Yes it has, even though it feels like at least 50 years...

Asses: Another Installment In an Irregular Series

By the Comics CurmudgeonAs your Comics Curmudgeon demonstrated earlier this year, political cartoonists love butts. Just love ’em! The ass is the most polysemous of images, representing everything from sex appeal to debasement and humiliation to an...

Panda Pregancy Is Not So Black And White (Sorry!)

It doesn't matter whether the National Zoo's panda's uterus is half full or half empty—the important thing is how you look at it. Like a sullen teenager, the DC Metro is looking towards food to fix its problems. A...

THAT'S NOT CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN: "'Because competent mating did not occur,' the zoo statement said, veterinarians anesthetized both pandas on Saturday, collected semen from Tian Tian and inserted it into Mei Xiang's uterus."

Help Name 18 Lousy Little Baby Pandas!

CNN.com Now Run By Pre-Schoolers