IT IS YET ANOTHER SARAH PALIN STORY and it is no one’s fault but that of Sarah Palin, alright?, or possibly that of Meg Stapleton, who evidently forgot to explain to Sarah Palin what “Iowa” is. Right so, some Iowa-based group of Iowa-caucus participating conservatives invited Palin to speak at some banquet next month. Something about families, definitely a pro-family thing where everyone eats food and claps to prove how much they love families. Except Palin is charging the Iowa people $100,000 for the privilege of having her campaign for President during their fancy eating and clapping meal, and all the Iowa people can do is laugh and laugh. MORE »

And so continues the most sordid tale in the history of Earth, in which Sarah Palin and Levi Johnston argue publicly about who called Trig Palin a “retard,” how many times, and with what inflection. You’ll recall that yesterday, Levi went on teevee, uhh, some show, let’s say game one of the World Series, in which someone—probably Derek Jeter—asked him whether or not it was true that Palin called Trig a retard constantly. He affirmed! Now Meg Stapleton is like, “Yeah, nice try, except impossible, because were too busy calling Trig a ‘blessed little angel’ to call him a retard.” No but like actually. MORE »

The news of Sarah Palin’s literary fortunes—both fiscal and fictive—also brought a smaller bit of news about a secret mystery company owned by Palin. “In April, while still governor, she founded what she describes as a “marketing” business, called ‘Pie Spy.’ Palin lists herself as the owner of the limited liability company, which was incorporated in March by her spokeswoman, Meghan Stapleton, who listed Palin’s lawyer, Thomas Van Flien, as its agent.” Extensive journalism Googling by Ben Smith also reveals that the dessert-based marketing company has something to do with helping disabled people, possibly old disabled people, by spying on them. Um, and corollary sub-revelation: of course Meg Stapleton is essentially also her de facto lawyer. [Ben Smith]

Okay, all aboard, the next stop of the Sarah Palin’s Preemptive Book Tour will be… the Oprah Winfrey show! The big day is the 16th of November—the book is being released on the the day after—so you should just go ahead and pencil in these important dates. Or you know what, use pen. This is Oprah, alright, not some backwoods three-foodstamps-a-couple picnic with Palin’s constituents that she’d normally just skip out on. It’s Hollywood by way of Chicago, baby—she’ll be there. Also: We shudder to consider what truly horrific thing Oprah must have done in her past that somehow only Meg Stapleton knows about. What is the equivalent, in murders, of writing Going Rogue? [HuffPost]

Sarah Palin filled out a Linkedin thing, and it is half-full (half-empty?) of lies, but also it’s Palin so this shouldn’t be news, per se. Ehh, so like for example, she went to literally four other schools before graduating from the University of Idaho but doesn’t list them all here. And right, it’s actually beyond disingenuous to recommend that the other Linkedin people contact her for “expertise requests,” because what, suddenly “quitting shit” is a form of artisanry? [Linkedin, Political Carnival]

On Friday, America’s spokesperson Meg Stapleton publicly announced that Sarah Palin was totally willing to help out Bob McDonnell win his governor’s race in Virgina, which is like the “contiguous states equivalent” of avoiding being elected governor of Alaska. Anyway, McDonnell did not appear to be too excited about this, which is funny, considering how into it he used to be, back in August. Says McDonnell: “There was a time earlier on when she was governor when I thought she would come here. But I think she seems to be busy with books and other things like that. We’ve still got about 20 different events scheduled down the road and she’s not one of them.” He was pretty sure it was a casual summer thing, is the point. MORE »

It’s the future in Hong Kong already, which means that all the details about Palin’s mega-secret speech to some investment company have arrived! Oh but first of all, Mazel Tov to Meg Stapleton, who will not be needing to feed some terrible lie into Google Translator only to at first frantically discover that there is no “English-to-Asian” option and later have to explain in Korean or Tagalog to the Hong Konger investors that Sarah “would house speech Vanity Fair mom wink values.” MORE »

• A New Mexican jihadist paintball terror squad caused nine-hundred and eleven 9/11s on the Straight Talk Express. [Marc Ambinder]
• Confused ironist Sarah Palin used the secret alias “Tina Fey” to check into a hotel. [Top of the Ticket]
• Palin did this interview called “Question from a Third Grader,” in which she fielded technical, jargon-filled queries like “what does a Vice President do?” from journalistic heavyweight/eight-year-old Brandon Garcia, who’s interviewed every Vice President since Richard Nixon. It was classic Gotcha Journalism, and all Palin could do was talk about how her second husband Piper asks her that all the time and spit out some garbled, half-English nonsense about gettin’ in and helpin’. [Daily Kos]

  [WATCH THIS VIDEO, she will kill us all -- Ed.]

• Her husband’s infinity affairs was just one too many for Mrs. Terry Mahoney, who filed for divorce today. [TPMMuckraker]
• OPRAH, a radical voter fraud advocacy organization, is producing a teevee infomercial for Obama. [NRO The Corner]
• Here are Obama’s and McCain’s videos that will be subliminally advertised in Wal-Marts, to “Wal-Mart Moms,” a nonexistent demographic. Obama talks about the economy, and McCain runs grainy black and white footage of himself being tortured seventysome years ago. [The Caucus]
  

• One of Palin’s antebellum friends, an Authentic American, told a black sound guy to “Sit down, boy!” at one of her Floridian rallies. [Washington Post]
• When Obama was hooking up with Bill Ayers, he claims he didn’t know that Ayers was a terror-worshipping Communist demon. This means that Obama is Not Ready to nuke Ahmadinejad’s palatial sex dungeon in North Korea. [The Corner]
• Every time Bush kisses McCain softly on the forehead, a mustachioed ginger in Florida loses his home. [Ben Smith]
• In the 1980s, McCain had a fairly impressive neo-Nazi porn collection which he often sold in the Facebook Marketplace in order to benefit Latin American terrorists like Bill Ayers. [Huffington Post]
• Pakistan is going out of business, because countries apparently can do that. Naturally, it wants a bailout, so John McCain is driving the Straight Talk express to Kashmir, to supervise. [Crooks and Liars]

• McCain pays his celebrity makeup artist $5,000 per session. Why won’t Cindy chip in for the 2 Whore Diamond upgrade?  [Us Weekly]
• America is saved, hooray! Meet the Palin Plan: “Congress not pointing fingers at this point at … one another.” Quick! Let’s go do this thing! [Matthew Yglesias]
• Campell Brown wants to know why the Sexist Media does not ask Sarah Palin tuff questions even though the media is forbidden to speak to Palin, who is kept inside a snowglobe.  [Ezra Klein]
• Oh dear, some racist Quakers hung Obama in effigy, in Oregon. The Decemberists opened. [Oregon Live]
• Bill Clinton says he can’t campaign for Obama — or do his Calc homework — because of September’s twelve Jewish holidays. [Ben Smith]

• Europe will not buy worthless America from Hank Paulson, who is selling it for six homosexual Lincoln pennies. [Crooks and Liars]
• The EPA has been spiking your drinking water with rocket fuel, which means water is now $100 a barrel. [Daily Kos]
• McCain owns three foreign cars, and the only American vehicles he does have were made for him in a children’s sweatshop in Michigan by Barack Obama. [Marc Ambinder]
• The only known exchange between Palin and Karzai was Karzai telling Palin his son’s name is Mirwais and Palin responding “Oh nice.” Sarah Palin knows of no other thing on this Earth besides baby-naming and even this she cannot do correctly. [Jonathan Martin]
• Even Joe Biden thinks Barry’s dumb teevee commercials are terrible. Literally, he called them “terrible.” [CNN Political Ticker]
• According to Norm Coleman, the federal government will turn a profit from the total implosion of the economy. [Andrew Sullivan]