Tag Archives: palestine

  Here have some news n stuff

Sore Loser Mitt Romney Loses Again, Like A Loser

Loser. Again.
Shocking news! Perpetual loser Mitt Romney, who swears he’s done losing presidential elections but we’re not sure we believe him because he is Mitt Romney and he loves losing and we love watching him lose, did not win his charity pretend boxing match against actual boxer Evander Holyfield. Holyfield graciously did not grind his bones into dust and even allowed Romney to land a punch, out of pity we guess, before Romney — who has apparently named himself “The Glove,” how original — surrendered, maybe so he could wrap up the night and put his apparently drunk wife to bed. Romney also delivered some “jokes” after the match, we guess because he’s still trying to prove he has a personality, sigh: Read more on Sore Loser Mitt Romney Loses Again, Like A Loser…
  Why Can't Toby Keith Perform At The Met Instead?

Wingnuts Will Save You Poor Jews From Getting Pogromed By Metropolitan Opera

Why can't more operas be about American Exceptionalism?
Time for an Arts Update! The editor of Superpatriot and disgraced torture aficionado Allen West’s blog is so mad at the Metropolitan Opera that she’s just about ready to go to New York’s Lincoln Center and stage a mock execution of the artistic director. You see, the monsters at the Met are staging a production of John Adams’s 1991 opera, The Death of Klinghoffer, a dramatization of the 1985 hijacking of the cruise ship Achille Lauro by Palestinian terrorists. The opera focuses on the murder of Leon Klinghoffer, a retired American businessmen whom the hijackers shot and threw overboard, and while his killing is treated as a tragedy, the opera also allows the Palestinian guerrilla to sing about their motives, which are, surprisingly, not pro-Israel. Or as West’s Editor-in-Chief Michele Hickford explains it, the opera “presents [Klinghoffer’s] murder as justified, not only because of Palestinian grievances against Israel, but also by the alleged evil and exploitative actions of Jews against others around the world.” Read more on Wingnuts Will Save You Poor Jews From Getting Pogromed By Metropolitan Opera…
  children's television bomb-making workshop

Cuddly Bee Character On Hamas Kids’ Show Shares Whimsical Jew-Killing Tips

This Hamas teevee show for kids, Pioneers of Tomorrow, is pretty hardcore compared to American kids’ shows. No messing around with letters or numbers or the Magic of Friendship; instead, this loveable Bee Guy explains the joys of attacking Jews to little Palestinian children. ¡No es bueno! And it’s a pretty outrageous example of what Hamas is filling children’s minds with right this very minute, or at least until 2009, and maybe in reruns, who knows?* Read more on Cuddly Bee Character On Hamas Kids’ Show Shares Whimsical Jew-Killing Tips…
  Judgment Day. Also Judge Dredd.

Louie Gohmert Fears John Kerry Is A Wizard Who Has Cursed Israel And Will Bring God’s Wrath Upon U.S.

GOHMERT!
Louie Gohmert, always on the lookout to prevent the doom of our nation, is extremely upset with John Kerry for having suggested that maybe it is a bad thing the way they treat the Palestinians and that maybe they should stop and sign a peace treaty before it goes further and they have Apartheid. Which they already kind of do. He feels he must warn us now that Kerry is obviously an evil wizard who has put a curse/hex/mahlook on Israel and who will stop at nothing to bring about God’s Wrath Upon America. Luckily for Israel, my sainted Nonnie swears that first part can be dealt with by dropping some olive oil into water and praying to the Virgin Mary, but what of us? Read more on Louie Gohmert Fears John Kerry Is A Wizard Who Has Cursed Israel And Will Bring God’s Wrath Upon U.S….
  tweeting your house to pieces

Israel Having Time Of Its Life Live-Tweeting Assault on Gaza

Maybe Israel doesn’t have a choice but to explode chunks of the Gaza Strip, because Hamas has been shooting rockets into Israel. And maybe not! We are told we must support The Good Guys, though, because of the Bible, and then later when the Good Guys do not accept our version of ancient things, they burn in hell? Right? Either way, it seems pretty clear the good old time the Israeli Defense Forces is having live-tweeting its bombardment of Gaza, complete with propaganda leaflets and multi-lingual Facebook pages, is mucho fucking creepy. Read more on Israel Having Time Of Its Life Live-Tweeting Assault on Gaza…
  stand for something or you'll fall for...fall for...don't fall

Romney: The Things I Say All The Time Are Debunked And Selectively Edited

As it turns out, we need not see what was in those missing two minutes of video from Romney Gone Wild: 47% Of His Clothes Off. Willy Mittens is now declaring the video “debunked and selectively edited” for some reason. Romney campaign is now referring to the fundraiser video as “a debunked and selectively edited video.” — Sabrina Siddiqui (@SabrinaSiddiqui) September 19, 2012 Yes! This is a great plan! There is no part of this that won’t work except all of it! Read more on Romney: The Things I Say All The Time Are Debunked And Selectively Edited…
  also he doesn't know where syria is

‘Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Too Hard To Solve,’ Says Forceful Leader Mitt Romney

A happy Mitt Romney Whitey Tape Day to each and every one of you! By now, you are well aware that Mitt simply does not care for the 47 percent of Americans who, due in part to tax-cutting policies put in place by Republican presidents, don’t count Federal income tax among the array of taxes that they pay. But who else does Mitt Romney secretly hold in contempt, on video? And what other long-standing bipartisan foreign policy positions does he reject as unworkable? If you said “the Palestinians, collectively” and “a two-state solution to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict,” you are correct! It turns out Mitt is “torn by two perspectives in this regard”: On the one hand, the Palestinians are monsters who don’t want peace; and, on the other, solving this problem is hard so why bother. Read more on ‘Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Too Hard To Solve,’ Says Forceful Leader Mitt Romney…
  terrorists under the bed

Hot New Guardian Pundit: Novelist Alice Walker and Holocaust Survivor Helped Arm Terrorists

People (mostly liberal elitists) were a little disappointed when the Guardian announced that Redstate.com cofounder and former George W. Bush speechwriter Josh Treviño would be joining its team of U.S. columnists. This is because back in June 2011, as unarmed activists (including the novelist Alice Walker and Holocaust survivor Hedy Epstein) set sail on a flotilla to protest Israel’s then-four year blockade of Gaza, Josh Treviño tweeted that he would be TOTALLY COOL with the IDF killing Americans aboard because Free Gaza Flotilla participants “adhere to our enemies.” But see, all these excitable liberals can chillax because he didn’t MEAN it; all he MEANT was that the Free Gaza activists were actively helping arm terrorist groups so if they did happen to get shot by the IDF, everyone would probably be ok with it, so what’s the big deal? Oh, and by “everyone” he means him, Hillary Clinton, Rick Perry, and “the broad sweep of American opinion.” So can we all just calm down so he can write for the Guardian now? Read more on Hot New Guardian Pundit: Novelist Alice Walker and Holocaust Survivor Helped Arm Terrorists…
  hacks

WSJ Spews Bunch of Racist Garbage in Defense of Romney’s Racist Garbage

Oh look, another asshat was given space in the Wall Street Journal Op-Ed section, and it seems fair to say that this asshat is even more ill-informed than the last one. What’s particularly surprising is that this particular asshat, Richard Landes, is a historian at Boston University and yet has absolutely no understanding of Middle Eastern, Arab, or  Ottoman history — it’s kind of fascinating, actually! Read more on WSJ Spews Bunch of Racist Garbage in Defense of Romney’s Racist Garbage…
  judeo-puritan work ethic

Mitt Romney Did Not Say Any of the Things You Heard Him Say

Who ELSE can Romney offend, now that he is done insulting England, praising socialism (seriously), scheduling a $50,000 per plate fundraiser on a national day of fasting set aside to commemorate Holocaust victims, making thinly veiled anti-Semitic comments praising Israel’s “business acumen,”and basically telling Palestinians that they suck for being poor?  A Palestinian official summed up our thoughts exactly when he said, “What is this man doing here? Yesterday, he destroyed negotiations by saying Jerusalem is the capital of Israel, and today he is saying Israeli culture is more advanced than Palestinian culture.” Indeed. What IS this man doing here, and would you like to exchange him for Rick Santorum or Michele Bachmann, because we can maybe work that out for you! Anyway, you are thinking that there is no one left that he can possibly insult, but you are WRONG, there is someone, and it is you and your intelligence. Read more on Mitt Romney Did Not Say Any of the Things You Heard Him Say…
  middle east mittens

Mitt Romney’s Slaphappy Israel Party: A Roundup

Mitt Romney had mondo problems winning over the British on the first leg of his diplomatic photo-op vacation, so you know what? Screw the “Special Relationship.” Israel is now more special-er to the United States Empire than England ever was, harumph, so that’s where Mitt Romney spent his last couple of days before jetting off to Poland. Oh, he saw the Western Wall, and some Israeli leaders, and stuff, and oh man, it’s so much better than… it’s just that England… grrr… England is stupid. What did Mitt Romney love the most about Israel? Read more on Mitt Romney’s Slaphappy Israel Party: A Roundup…
  just like that dumb girl in 'twilight' we bet

Ever Since Arafat Turned Him Down, Newt Swears Palestinians Don’t Exist

A long time ago, when amoral sperm whale Newt Gingrich was simultaneously banging another extramarital bimbo and prosecuting Bill Clinton for an extramarital sexytime, Newt was also deeply in love with Palestinian heartthrob Yasser Arafat. Read more on Ever Since Arafat Turned Him Down, Newt Swears Palestinians Don’t Exist…
  ironclad logic

Newt Gingrich Wants Everyone To Know Palestinians Are Pretend People

This is a Thing People Are Discussing, today: smartest being of all time Newt Gingrich declared in an interview that the Palestinian people are “invented” in his grand historical estimation, sort of like how all peoples with their fancy national identities are at one point or another in history also “invented” out of thin air. “Americans,” for example. But let’s not let this latter detail ruin Newt’s main point: why haven’t Palestinians discovered that they are fake yet? Read more on Newt Gingrich Wants Everyone To Know Palestinians Are Pretend People…
  mixed messages!

Barack Obama Is Now Secret Muslim President of Palestine

Maybe Barack Obama’s attitude about 2012 is “Fine, you want this country? Please, help yourself,” because he is moving on – to the Middle East! Where he belongs, according to everybody’s handful of (crazy?) relatives who think Barack Obama is a no good Muslin terrorist. This is why he is totally taking the Palestinians’ side, according to some radio advertisement! Read more on Barack Obama Is Now Secret Muslim President of Palestine…
  decisive moves

U.S., Other Sharia-Based Countries Destroying Israel With UN

The Obama administration is trying very hard at the moment to not have to call the Israeli settlements in Palestine illegal. Oh, diplomacy, you’re so silly. In order to do so, the U.S. has tried to make a deal with Arab countries to vote for a statement saying it “does not accept the legitimacy of continued Israeli settlement activity.” What is the difference between calling something illegal and saying you don’t accept its legitimacy? A lot, apparently. Enough to get all upset about. So much so that if this “settlements are illegal” resolution gets to the Security Council, the Obama administration may make its first veto. Does Obama really want the Palestine issue to be resolved, or does he want things to just stop happening in Palestine and for everybody to shut up their countries? It’s confusing. Let’s just say he’s a secret Arab Muslim because he doesn’t scream out “OH, ISRAEL, YES” when he’s having sex with Michelle, okay? Read more on U.S., Other Sharia-Based Countries Destroying Israel With UN…
  house of cards

‘Palestine Papers’ Leak Causes Chaos; Whole World Now Leaking Away

Will Al Jazeera be accused of “surprise sex” for its release of thousands of “Palestine Papers” detailing the dirty deals of the Middle East peace process? That’s the question some blogger somewhere is probably writing a long post about, right now, as the world’s governments groan and shudder like a weary whore under the weight of these endless document dumps. What have we learned about the Israel-Palestinian thirty-year back and forth over recognition and return and all that? Eh, everybody’s corrupt and each government does little more than sell out its own people, ha ha, what did you think? Read more on ‘Palestine Papers’ Leak Causes Chaos; Whole World Now Leaking Away…
  it's morning in america

America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President

John F. Kennedy was assassinated forty-seven years ago today. Where were you when you read The Warren Report, and then laughed? We will probably never know if H. L. Hunt hired Blackwater to shoot JFK in the head, but most people reject the Oswald conspiracy theories and have accepted that President Handsomepants’ violent murder was just another routine CIA hit job. Sarah Palin says that John Kennedy betrayed his religion, so maybe Jesus was the guy with the gun at the Grassy Knoll? We simply do not know. Many equate JFK’s assassination with the End of America’s Innocence. Apparently everyone still had a super clean conscience in 1963, even after we dropped all those atomic bombs. [Voice of America/The Atlantic] Read more on America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President… Read more on America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President…
  weekend at ariel's

Comatose Ariel Sharon Still In Coma

Ariel Sharon, who had a major stroke while prime minister of Israel nearly five years ago and has since been in a coma in a hospital room, was moved on Friday to his ranch in the Negev Desert, hospital officials told Israel Radio. Read more on Comatose Ariel Sharon Still In Coma…
  boy meets world

Obama Criticizes Israel In Muslim Indonesia, Once Had a ‘Tranny Nanny’

President Obama criticized Israel for its approval of new settlements in East Jerusalem today, which is surprising not because Jews should be allowed to have whatever land they want, because of the Bible, but because Obama hates the Jews and their rightful country. Or perhaps, considering he said this in Indonesia, Obama was just afraid that all the Muslims would immediately murder him if he said otherwise — and we all know that being deathly afraid of such people is the most patriotic thing an American can do. But The New York Times reminds us that Obama grew up in this foreign land, unpatriotically, which is what makes him actually a secret Muslim. The Times has another interesting story to tell: even though Obama joined their religion, those people called him a duck and allowed the poor boy to have a KNOWN TRANSVESTITE GAY as his nanny. Read more on Obama Criticizes Israel In Muslim Indonesia, Once Had a ‘Tranny Nanny’…
  peace at last

Obama Will Use His Magic Hopey Dust To Bring Eternal Peace To Middle East

Apparently Barack Obama had a sweet vacation, because he’s glowing with optimism and just can’t wait to “cure” the Middle East of its eternal sadness. We wish you luck, sir: President Obama is meeting with Israeli, Palestinian, Jordanian and Egyptian leaders on Wednesday to jump-start Middle East peace talks. He’ll have separate meetings in the Oval Office with Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel, President Mahmoud Abbas of the Palestinian Authority, King Abdullah II of Jordan, and President Hosni Mubarak of Egypt. Each will speak to the news media in the evening, and the leaders will work over dinner. David Sanger examined Mr. Obama’s efforts this week to make progress on Israeli-Palestinian peace, Iraq and Iran, a trifecta that eluded his predecessors and for which he faces tough odds. Read more on Obama Will Use His Magic Hopey Dust To Bring Eternal Peace To Middle East…
  i see what you did there

Huffington Post Makes All of America Believe Israel Is Devil By Cropping Photo

Pajamas Media is still updating its website, somehow, and today we have IMPORTANT NEWS about the front page of another Internet website. It seems Huffington Post has EVILLY CROPPED A PHOTO of Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu so that it looks like he has ANTLERS! Wait, DEVIL HORNS! DEVIL HORNS! That’s it. This kind journalist has brought this to our attention and has even done some shoe-leather reporting on this amazing sign that the Huffington Post is brainwashing us to hate Israel. Read more on Huffington Post Makes All of America Believe Israel Is Devil By Cropping Photo…