pakistan
Did Michele Bachmann share a sexy classified scoop about attacks on Pakistan’s nukular sites during last night’s GOP debate? Is she already sharing a cell with Bradley Manning, in the one twist of fate that could possibly worsen America’s inhumane/unconstitutional torture of Manning?
Your beloved Central Intelligence Agency has been caught running around the world trying to inject brown children with dirty syringes again. Is everyone impressed? That is the kind of creativity your nation uses to “keep the peace” in this world, by setting traps for small humans who merely thought they were being vaccinated. This is [...]
What are America’s allies up to, these days? Oh, just jailing the CIA people who targeted Osama bin Laden in his fancy Pakistan suburban castle. China reads the White House gmail, British prime minister David Cameron mocks our wonderful health care system that’s available only to people with lots of money, and now Pakistan is [...]
Here’s some good news for ally relations: If Pakistan had noticed the U.S. troops entering Pakistan airspace to take out bin Laden in time and opened fire on them, as they likely would have, the U.S. was prepared to shoot back and send in reinforcements to fight the Pakistanis until bin Laden’s body was back [...]
The past few days, the media have engorged themselves on a litany of little details about Osama bin Laden’s living conditions at the time of his death. But today, they’ve seen to hit a wall. Look, government officials, it’s not like they’re going to look into the veracity of whatever you give them, just throw [...]
In addition to bin Laden, at least three other people were killed in the operation, U.S. officials said, including a man they believe to be one of Bin Laden’s sons. Officials said that the action also claimed the life of a woman whom one of bin Laden’s aides used as a human shield, they said. [...]
Osama bin Laden was living in the suburbs. The suburbs! It figures! People who live in caves in the middle of nowhere get to know their immediate neighbors, and so do people who live in cities, but people in suburbs leave each other alone. Did bin Laden own a minivan and drive children to soccer [...]
Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Let’s celebrate by bombing Libya: “The U.S. ambassador to the U.N. raised the possibility of ‘going beyond a no-fly zone,’” but didn’t specify when the United States would save all the oil from oppression — causing major blue balls in diplomatic circles. Remember two days ago when Barack Obama said he [...]
That CIA dude who shot those Muslims dead in Pakistan has been released! Yay. How did he do it? By following Sharia Law. Apparently, you just give the relatives of the people you killed a shitload of (U.S. taxpayer) money and blammo, you’re free (to kill again, for America). How much does it cost, if [...]
The Senate is expected to vote today on a bill that would extend funding for the federal government for two additional weeks while also cutting four billion clams from current spending levels. Senate Democrats are “conceding defeat this time,” but vow to say mean things about John Boehner before voting on a similar bill two [...]
The American assassin held in Pakistan for shooting two people dead on the street was not just a random guy who wandered off his AARP tour bus, but in fact is a soldier of fortune employed by the CIA to murder people in foreign countries. Working for one of the thousands of covert assassination teams [...]
Praise Geezus, TLC found another meth-fueled megalomaniac desperate for reality teevee fame: Ted Haggard! America’s most favorite megachurch megahypocrite will star in his very own teevee special, “Ted Haggard’s Alaska,” which will feature scenes of Ted Haggard preaching to hobos at his new barn church in Colorado Springs. Yes, Haggard is back, and he’s spreadin’ [...]
Break out your advent calendar and enjoy a delicious chocolate-covered Alaska Supreme Court ruling which states there “are no remaining issues raised by Miller that prevent this election from being certified.” Yay! Blow it out yer butt, Joe Miller, you hairy fraud. Joe will have two days to file “additional complaints,” but it’s unclear what [...]
