Tag Archives: paintings

  That's not racial transendence

Bobby Jindal Can’t See Race, Not Even In The Mirror

Official Senate Portrait
So last week or so, there was a thing Wonkette was going to type about, concerning a certain “official portrait” of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal, shown above, that, um, did not look like him, not even a little bit. I mean, judge for yourself, but that is not what Bobby Jindal’s face looks like, not even close, and SOME PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET pointed out that, PERHAPS, Bobby Jindal’s skin is quite a bit darker than that, because they are not racially transcendent. One headline asked, “Was Brown Paint Busy When They Created This Bobby Jindal Portrait?” But then everyone was made aware that it was NOT an “official portrait” at all, but just some thing one of his constituents made for him after school one day, so we didn’t write a thing about it. Read more on Bobby Jindal Can’t See Race, Not Even In The Mirror…
  How can we miss you if you don't stay away?

Dick Cheney Tortures Us By Making Us Look At More Of George Bush’s Paintings Or Something

Dick Cheney auditions for a reboot of
Sunday was a good day for the bookers on a couple of those political chat shows where Washington’s power brokers yap at each other in brazen displays of verbal hand jobbery. It’s not every week that the president and vice president of the previous administration both make appearances, but with last week’s release of the Senate’s torture report, both men might have been feeling the need to defend their legacy a bit. Surely there would be some tough questions and intense showdowns. Read more on Dick Cheney Tortures Us By Making Us Look At More Of George Bush’s Paintings Or Something…
  wonkette world of art

Greatest Living President Is Also Fantastic Painter

Haha, we tricked you! We stole the title of this post from the upstanding fellows at the Washington Free Beacon, who are fucking idiots. They are such fucking idiots that they think the paintings of the greatest living president (GEORGE W. BUSH OBVS) look like the work of Degas and Manet! No, they look like Hockneys, MORANS. (Former professional art critic, yo.) (I am talking about me.) Read more on Greatest Living President Is Also Fantastic Painter…
  photo tours

George W. Bush Is President of Paintings

And this is a painting of George W. Bush, as unveiled at a White House ceremony that just wrapped up. Look at ‘im. He’s like, “Boy howdy don’t I look good, hummina hummina.” And no, it wasn’t “awkward,” this ceremony. Some folks have suggested that the atmosphere might be uncomfortable since Barack Obama has been known to criticize George W. Bush’s record on the campaign trail. As if Bush gives a crap? No, they just told jokes and everyone had a laugh, ha ha ha, like that. Read more on George W. Bush Is President of Paintings…
  wonkette review of art

America’s Greatest Artist Depicts Obama Burning The Constitution

Our old pal Jon McNaughton, the hero behind such paintings as 2009’s One Nation Under God (The Jesusy-Constitution one) (Don’t forget the Blood Remix!) and 2010’s The Forgotten Man has produced this new masterwork, One Nation Under Socialism, which you can purchase for a mere $345. What does it mean, this work of paintery in which Barack Obama is just stone cold lightin’ the Constitution on fire? Jon McNaughton will answer all of your questions. Read more on America’s Greatest Artist Depicts Obama Burning The Constitution…
  fine tit art

Birther Who Described Orly Taitz’s Sex Parts Sells Nude Painting of Her

In an effort to keep yourself from vomiting, you should probably close your eyes as you read this post. Birther Lucas Smith, who was last seen in an affidavit claiming Orly Taitz asked him to perjure himself and also recounting another birther guy’s claims about the narrowness and viscosity of her womanly passages when she was having an extramarital affair with him, has painted and sold a nude portrait entitled “Orly Taitz and her Exhibits,” a seminal work for one lucky eBayer’s seminal fluid. Oh, are you still not vomiting? Let us repeat a sentence from that affidavit: “Orly’s better in bed than 99% of the much younger girls I’ve ever met: you name it, hotter, hornier, wetter, tighter, more of a nympho than I’ve ever met.” There you are. Read more on Birther Who Described Orly Taitz’s Sex Parts Sells Nude Painting of Her…
  art with a vengeance

U.S. Labor Dept. Wants Money It Gave Maine For Mural Torn Down By Teabagger Gov. Paul LePage

Remember that “labor-themed mural” in the Maine Department of Labor headquarters that wingnut teabagger Paul LePage ordered removed, because his administration hates Maine’s working families? The U.S. Department of Labor says Gov. Paul LePage violated the terms of a federal grant when he removed a labor-themed mural from a state office building last month. Now the federal government, which paid most of the mural’s $60,000 cost, wants its money back. Read more on U.S. Labor Dept. Wants Money It Gave Maine For Mural Torn Down By Teabagger Gov. Paul LePage…
  great art

Jesus-Constitution Painting Guy Has New Painting, Minus Jesus

Did Da Vinci have trailers for his paintings, you ask? No. But that I-talian bastard has nothing on Jon McNaughton, who, you will remember, gave the world that lovely painting last year depicting Jesus delivering his freelance Constitution to the People. Jon McNaughton has REDEFINED art itself. And now art is dumb paintings of American presidents milling about while Obama stands on some Constitution debris. Read more on Jesus-Constitution Painting Guy Has New Painting, Minus Jesus…
  alternative investment opportunies

Buy Charlie Crist’s Official Painting, On The eBay

This is real, you guys! The Florida Republican Party, as part of its ongoing efforts to scrub any hint of association with pariah Charlie Crist — most of which just involves wiping all of those orange smears from the walls of their headquarters — is selling Crist’s official state portrait on eBay. It cost the party $7,500 when commissioned (which seems like a pretty big ripoff, considering that the artist thought Crist was Mexican), and they want to recoup some cash. Your Wonkette has been needing to grow its office collection of fine oil portraits, which is a little too dominated by original 19th century Romantics and plump Renaissance nudes at the moment, so we’ll be keeping an eye on the bidding. Read more on Buy Charlie Crist’s Official Painting, On The eBay…
  wonkette art review

‘The Jesus Painting Yesterday’ Produces Obama Campaign-esque Artistic Revival

Well how about this! Jacksonville artist David Durrett sends this “real painting” (super-sized) to your Wonkette and writes, “I love Wonkette, and was inspired to do an acrylic response to the Jesus painting yesterday! Hope you like it!!” Yes it is very nice! Maybe Obama can steal this one too, for his house. Also, we’re awarding first-time commenter Shortpacked with an “iPhone” for his take, which was quite a hit yesterday, in the comments. What have the rest of you slobs done lately? [Yes You Canvas, Shortpacked] Read more on ‘The Jesus Painting Yesterday’ Produces Obama Campaign-esque Artistic Revival…
  wonkette art review

‘Real American’ Records Actual Historical Event In Beautiful Painting

A bunch of you have sent us a link to this painting by a fellow named Jon McNaughton, depicting the divine event that took place during the hot Philadelphia summer of 1787, when Jeebus flew to America from his ice cave on Pluto to deliver the U.S. Constitution to some brat before an in-studio audience consisting of George Washington, Mister Hollywood, Liberal News Reporter, Satan, and others. “Jon McNaughton would like to set the record straight,” we read. Read more on ‘Real American’ Records Actual Historical Event In Beautiful Painting…
  the week in d.c. art

Three Trippy Exhibits and New Orleans Cocktails

The Connor Contemporary showcases the works of John Kirchner and Brandon Morse in a joint exhibit, “Unknowns” and “This Shape We’re In,” an exploration of decay and rebirth. Kirchner takes old oil paintings from unknown artists and adds commonplace things to them — an apple, a shirt — while Morse’s videos show structures breaking down and forming new shapes. Until March 21. [Connor Contemporary] Read more on Three Trippy Exhibits and New Orleans Cocktails… Read more on Three Trippy Exhibits and New Orleans Cocktails…
  weird

Putin’s Painting Sells For $1.15 Million

And it is a very nice work of art from Vladimir Putin, too! He painted a portrait of a beautiful, smiling woman, seen just to the right of that auction hall window in this photograph. [Telegraph] Read more on Putin’s Painting Sells For $1.15 Million…
  garbage don't lie

Large Heap Of Trash Points Way To Obama Landslide

A Wonkette Refuse Desposal Spy sends us this snap taken while biking through beautiful Lisbon, Iowa recently during the RAGBRAI, which is Iowan for “bicycle ride.” Bikers and volunteers were asked to vote for president by throwing stuff in the dumpster for the earnest young Egyptian man or the sinister one-eyed albino villain. The fellow on the left won by a three-to-one margin, which is why Barack Obama is President of Iowa. [City of Lisbon] Read more on Large Heap Of Trash Points Way To Obama Landslide…