Jeez, the news sure was newsy back then, in 1982, when then-Congressman Larry Craig was also on national teevee denying he fucks boys. He was “unmarried by choice” at the time, and accused of getting Congressional pages HIGH ON COCAINE/MARIJUANA and screwing them at his house. MORE »

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After the Mark Foley scandal, it was all but certain that even the most naive “civic minded” teenager would avoid the House and Senate page programs. Instead, becoming a page is more popular than ever before. MORE »

Former best-speaker-ever and PageFuckerGate legend Denny Hastert is recovering from mysterious surgery “to remove his gall bladder,” the Illinois congressman’s office reported. MORE »

Letters to the editor are just more fun out in the middle of nowhere. Take Chillicothe, Ohio (”Ohio’s First Capital!”). An elderly gentleman writes: MORE »

Last Cocktober, the Taliban sat down together and put together a very important, useful list of rules. Blogger Jon Swift notes that many of the rules would’ve been quite helpful for our Republicans brothers and sisters who got into so much trouble these last couple months. Rule number 19, in fact, could’ve stopped the bloodbath before it ever started: MORE »

They have a big-ol Mark Foley story in the issue that drops this week — big revelation is that the White House knew about the Page-fucking, and convinced Foley to drop out of the Senate race before the rest of the world figured it out. Which we heard (and wrote something or other about) back in Cocktober. MORE »

• Bush began final campaign trip in Montana, and will travel to other historically Republican strongholds that are now under threat. [WP, NYT]

• Campaigns to end with ad blitz that “will boost spending on political and issue advertising past $2 billion in this campaign, or $400 million more than in the 2004 presidential campaign.” [WP]
• U.S. Government website releases Iraqi nuclear “cookbook.” Post is titled, “BREAKING! Must Credit Saddam!” [NYT]
• Conservative Christian leader Ted Haggard resigns amid allegations of whoring, gaying. [WP]
• A cost/benefit analysis of raising minimum wage shows it does cost business owners, does benefit workers. [WSJ]
• Economist bloggers believe “Democrats are better for growth than Republicans.” [WSJ]
• Report by House Ethics Committee on Pagefuckergate cover-up to be released to an apathetic post election world. [WP]
• Latest Military authorization bill eliminates the, “Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction,” as the reconstruction no longer needs inspecting, obv. [NYT]
• New web-based tool showing Metro train arrival times aims to allow passengers an extra few minutes to take care of blowjobs before heading to the station. [WP]

• Iraq is a “serious concern” for President Bush and he is “unsatisfied,” but we’re still totally winning, obv. [WP, LAT]

• In many Congressional races Iraq has become the central issue. “For Republicans it is a problem to be navigated and for Democrats a stick to be brandished.” [WP]
• New Jersey’s highest court affirms equal benefits for same-sex couples. Gary Bauer thinks it’s great. [NYT, USAT]
• Can’t wait for Democrats to sweep into Congress next month, comrade? These Democrats may be a bit more conservative than you’re used to. [LAT, USAT]
• There are ghosts in the voting machines and the old ass poll workers can’t get them out. [WSJ]
• Apparently all the crazy shit candidates are saying is because they’re “strained” by the tough campaign season, and not because they’re actually crazy. [NYT]
• Kid who first put the Foley emails on the web was fired from Human Rights Campaign, but is still anonymous. [NYT]

Brian Ross’ crack team of Blotters has once again taken the Foley Story to the next level. He’s not with the Scientology space monsters at all!

Former Rep. Mark Foley checked himself into the Sierra Tucson Treatment Center in Arizona two days after he resigned from Congress in disgrace, ABC News has learned.

Lawyers for Foley confirm he’s been an inpatient at the facility since Oct. 1.

Actually, nobody found Foley. ABC News just got hold of a press release from Foley’s lawyers (PDF) that says he’s in the program until Halloween, please leave him alone, etc. He could still be anywhere on Earth, and is most likely following the Old 97’s around the country. MORE »

Embattled ( (c) Mainstream Media) Representative Dennis Hastert’s appearance before the House Ethics Committee was so surprising, the AP only had time to rewrite the first couple grafs of their story, placing us in a bizarre time-space continuum shift: MORE »