After that tragic series of events that led to the shuttering of the Mittens “Willard” Romney Campaign 2008, our comically convictionless protagonist campaigned at nine million rallies “for John McCain” and other candidates, a full seven million of which attracted only one attendee, Kathryn Jean Lopez — in booty shorts. Mittens’ extensive travel budget was funded largely by wingnut donations to his Free and Strong America PAC, which he created to “raise money for other Republicans around the country and to promote GOP policies.” Ha ha, why would he bust his ass for that? He wouldn’t! Because now we know that only 12% of the $2.1 million in PAC donations has gone towards helping other candidates. The other 88%, oh where did that go? MIGHT HE NEED MONEY FOR HIMSELF FOR HIS FUTURE? IN SAY… 2012?? Yep, that’s when he’s scheduled his appointment with the plastic surgeon — and boob jobs aren’t cheap. [Boston Globe]

Several people spent this week in suspense as they waited for Republican loser Mike Huckabee to reveal his exciting new website. The doomsday clock ticked, the days and hours and minutes went by, as they tend to do, and then it turned out Huckabee was just starting another PAC like every other political loser in the history of modern loserism. But the comments are hilarious! MORE »

On the website of VOLPAC — the PAC of former Senate majority leader Dr. Bill Frist — there is a “2008 Republican Leadership Survey,” where the good Doctor Frist wants your take on some of the important issues this election season. You know, things along the lines of, “If the Democrats claim to want to do such great things for America, then why are they gay?” Or, as Stephen Colbert likes to say, “George W. Bush — great president, or the greatest president?” Some of our favorites from this survey, below. MORE »

Who knows where Mittens goes? Marc Ambinder knows, Marc Ambinder knows: “According to two Republicans with knowledge of his plans, Romney, at some point during the next few weeks, intends to establish a new political action committee to help elect Republican candidates.” So Romney is going to raise money for all of the Republican candidates, campaign for them, and then buy their brains for the 2012 primary, in which he will also place third. And then, this: “Other Republicans close to Romney said that Romney was looking for ways to position himself as the ideas factory for the Republican party over the next four years…” This might be the only way for the Republican party to lose even more convictions. [Marc Ambinder]