Like grimy Chicago leeches, the Obama “transition team” (AS IF) has sent review panels to every federal agency to decide which budget items need to be cut, forever, to finance the next $100 billion wave of AIG bailouts. Agencies like FEMA probably abandoned their entire offices before their transition team appointments, just to avoid the embarrassment, whereas places like NASA — which holds valuable information about quasars, space monsters, and the planets Mars and Neptune — are simply telling the transition team “YOU WOULDN’T GET IT YOU STUPIDS — PHYSICS.” Space nerds. MORE »

“Alright, uh, there she is, Jessica Yellin, I know you’re in Chicago but we’ve uhhh done something, a hologram. We beamed you in. We beamed you in, here, uhh into the CNN Election Center. I want to talk to you as I would normally be talking to you if you were really face-to-face with me. I know you’re uhh at least a thousand miles away, but it looks like you’re right here. …You’re a hologram now, Jessica.” [YouTube]

If you were watching CNN around 7:15 ET then you saw this frightening hologram beast named “Jessica Yellin” appear from the planet Saturn to talk about, uh, Obama and the elections. So… who the hell greenlit this? BILL BENNETT? [Philadelphia Examiner]