Tag Archives: oscars

  shame shame

Catholic School Principal Must Atone Forever For Sin Of Putting Ellen DeGeneres On School Dance Fliers

Was your high school principal always trying to be down with the kids, but then did something embarrassing like putting pix of Kid’n’Play on a flier – in 2004? Pity the poor Catholic school principal who tried to be cool by using Ellen Degeneres’s Oscar photo to flog a dance, forgetting that Ellen is a big homosexxican and that the Catholic Church kinda frowns on that. Read more on Catholic School Principal Must Atone Forever For Sin Of Putting Ellen DeGeneres On School Dance Fliers…
  clipbait

Come Watch Jimmy Kimmel’s Star-Studded Post-Oscars Show Of Terribly Not Funny!

Hosting ABC’s late night show is pure sweetness on Oscar night, because you are the only late night show available. No other network is going to fling their show up against the perpetually late-running behemoth that is the Academy Awards. This could have been Jimmy Kimmel’s best night ever. Was it? Haha nope. Read more on Come Watch Jimmy Kimmel’s Star-Studded Post-Oscars Show Of Terribly Not Funny!…
  spoiler alert

Breaking! Jesus People Who Hate Hollywood Are Definitely Going To Boycott Hollywood

Oh man, now you have done it, Hollywood. All those years of unfettered liberal sex and drugs and violence! Religious people mumbled unhappily about that, but they never found the chink in your armor. Now you’ve made your fatal mistake: telling them that they can’t cheat to get their awful song into the Oscar nominations. Read more on Breaking! Jesus People Who Hate Hollywood Are Definitely Going To Boycott Hollywood…
  michelle obama is finally famous

Appearance Of Powerful Black Woman At The Oscars Provokes Predictable Pavlovian Response In Prickish Political Press

Last night, after the world tuned into the insufferable movie industry and their big night of self-congratulation, denizens of the somehow even more insufferable political industry decided to take their uniquely awful brand of commentary and apply it to entertainment. What prompted this year’s wingnut freakout? Was it a retro act of moralization over a visible nipple? Did Michael Moore take the mic to remind everyone that he was right about the war ten years ago? Nope, Michelle Obama showed up and instantly ruined what had previously been an awesome 4-hour episode of American Dad. Read more on Appearance Of Powerful Black Woman At The Oscars Provokes Predictable Pavlovian Response In Prickish Political Press…
  america's last days

Sarah Palin Movie … Nominated For An Oscar? (OH WAIT NOT REALLY)

Can the Wasilla Grifter possibly get another five minutes added to her expired fifteen minutes of infamy? Well, yes, of course. Besides, her fifteen minutes actually turned out to be three-and-a-half years, which is pretty substantial for an aging snowbilly grandma whose one and only talent was being less physically repulsive than John McCain, back in 2008. Anyway, that awful feature-length commercial for Palin’s nonexistent presidential campaign, Undefeated, has been nominated for an Academy Award (TM) … and not even in the expected categories of Animated Feature Film or Hilarious Costume Design. UPDATE FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT MOVIES: Ha, thank Christ, it’s a different movie also called the same thing, Undefeated. Whew. Read more on Sarah Palin Movie … Nominated For An Oscar? (OH WAIT NOT REALLY)…
  even more quayles

Mike Huckabee Criticizes Actress For Having Baby, Neglects To Spell ‘Potato’

Mike Huckabee said the word “starlet.” And then he said this: “Most single moms are very poor, uneducated, can’t get a job, and if it weren’t for government assistance, their kids would be starving to death and never have health care.” He was talking about Natalie Portman, who mentioned at the Academy Awards on Sunday she is happy she’s going to be a mother. But Mike Huckabee really hates mothers who are happy and aren’t what he believes to be the right kind of woman. First the Obama Kenya stuff, now this: Is he just trying to destroy any chance he has at the presidency right now so Fox News won’t suspend him from his stupid talk show? Read more on Mike Huckabee Criticizes Actress For Having Baby, Neglects To Spell ‘Potato’…
  the great indoors

The Sun Does Not Set On Hibernation

Would you look at that, the sun has decided to come out in D.C. in February, the most miserable and pointless of all months. Nothing good ever happens in February. Maybe it’s out because now that CPAC is over there are less wingnuts in town so the Sun can resume doing elite activities like shining. Or because, hooray, Washington is DONE with the Recession as D.C.’s super-rich hectomillionaires are once again able to doodle on their iPads and run off to France with ease! Sun or not, maybe it’s best to stay inside, forever. Now that there’s nothing good to watch on Al Jazeera Live anymore, here are some fun indoor activities patriotic Americans can do other than sitting at their desks watching porn: Read more on The Sun Does Not Set On Hibernation…
  the stars cum all night

Liveblogging Hollywood’s Special Election, ‘The Oscar Movies’

What do you think of when you think of a night of very special Movie Magic, when the Stars Come Out, in the night? What else could anyone be thinking about, but the feature-film industry’s special Valentine to Earth, “The Oscar(TM) Movie Awards,” which appears on teevee tonight all over the world except in New Jersey, Connecticut and New York, because whatever channels there that show The Oscar(TM) Movies have been shut off by the Government. Anyway, who will win? The movie with the blue things vs. the Hobbits, or the one where Sandra Bullock plays her own twin, Sandra Day O’Connor? Read more on Liveblogging Hollywood’s Special Election, ‘The Oscar Movies’…
  defeated by oscars goblins

Nate Silver Must Be Fired From Statistics

Welllll Mr. Fancy Baseball and Politics Man knows nothing about the Oscars, apparently! He thought that Taraji Henson would win Best Supporting Actress and Mickey Rourke would win Best Actor. Silver’s calculations excluded several important factors, including: 1) Penelope Cruz is very hot and 2) Sean Penn starred in a feel-good Issues Movie that concerns an issue that many people in Hollywood care about. Nate Silver must be publicly shamed, his statistics license revoked, and his $700,000 book advance donated to a math academy of his choice. [New York Magazine, OSCAR.com] Read more on Nate Silver Must Be Fired From Statistics…
 

ELITIST PRESIDENT OBAMA HATES MOVIES? The Oscar ® Movie Awards nominees are always announced on January 20, of every year. But the next president of the United States doesn’t seem to care about America’s love affair with the Silver Screen, because January 20 is also when the next prez will be sworn in. So now the movies won’t be announced until, uh, two days later. [LAT Top of the Ticket] Read more on …
 

THEY’RE ALL IN ON THE OBAMA SMEAR! Teevee’s Jon Stewart hosted the Oscar(TM) Teevee/Movie Awards last night, and he mentioned that Barry Hussein Obama’s middle name is “Hussein” while also noting how “Obama” rhymes with “Osama.” It was just a fun joke, of course! [Tabloid Baby] Read more on …
 

Gossip Roundup: Party Line

* Heard on the Hill: There is a woman from DC on the American Idol television program, apparently… Rep. Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) roomed with, got lots of lectures from ex-House Ways and Means Chairman Bill Thomas… “GOP Sens. Richard Shelby (Ala.) and Craig Thomas (Wyo.) crossed party lines to vote to adjourn for the weeklong Presidents Day recess.” [Roll Call] * Reliable Source: How did “famous” DC-ites do in their Oscar predictions? … Ralph Nader: still a dick. [WP] * Yeas and Nays: Press Club dinner scandal! Mice at the Hilton! … Our next president to be chosen by Judge Judy… Press corps not allowed to watch Idiocracy on Air Force 2. [Examiner] * Washington Whispers: Mitt Romney uses PowerPoint at campaign events… Al Gore is secretly just trying to make enough money to finance his ’08 campaign himself… Dick Armey quit smoking. [USN&WR] * Shenanigans: SCOTUS to rule on important car chase law… Hill staffers emailing around funny joke about Bush and JetBlue, look, you should just go read it, we can’t do it justice. [Politico] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Party Line…
 

Gore Will Wait For Dems To Destroy Themselves

Al Gore just gave another semi-solid refusal to run in ’08, which means his plan is working just fine. While symbolically tossing around a replica of the Earth with spaceship billionaire Richard Branson, Gore said he hasn’t “completely ruled out any possibility of running at some point in the future” but “cannot perceive circumstances in which I would.” Read more on Gore Will Wait For Dems To Destroy Themselves…
 

Rumors On The Internets: Don’t Forget to Light a Candle, Match

* New Fox show “Red Eye” gives the impression it came out of a brown eye. [Think Progress] * “Getting kicked in the balls” now has a higher approval rating that you-know-who. [Radar] * In case you hadn’t heard already, Al Gore’s announcing his candidacy at the Oscars, so watch if you care. [Intoxination] * Somebody’s got to take the “bucket of warm piss.” [Political Insider] * Republicans under FBI investigation losing their seats to Democrats? It’s not just hazy memories of 2006— the fun begins again in 2008! [Election Central] * Happy fourth birfday to the bag of horseshit Colin Powell gave to the UN about Iraqi WMD. [Lawyers, Guns and Money] Read more on Rumors On The Internets: Don’t Forget to Light a Candle, Match…
 

Rumors On The Internets: Bitches and Snitches

* Which President has spent the most time talking about Pearl Harbor? Hint: It’s not Franklin Roosevelt. [Lawyers, Guns and Money] * Buy two regular price blowjobs from DC hookers and they’ll keep your secret for free. [TPM Muckraker] * President Bush wants a cookie for some shit he was supposed to do anyway. [Hotline on Call] * DHS program that assigns “secret terrorist ratings to millions of U.S. citizens,” gets highest possible “Five Kafkas” for its scary PoMo essence. [Computerworld, The Heretik] * Walnuts McCain hires a communications director even Wal-Mart thinks is too evil. [Election Central] * Some people just have to be first: “Top Ten Funniest Political Moments of 2006.” [Extreme Mortman] * On Oscar night, pay close attention to the size of Al Gore’s ass — that’s how you’ll know if he’s running in ’08. [SFGate] Read more on Rumors On The Internets: Bitches and Snitches…
 

What Hath Crunk Wrought?

Most worrying press release of the day: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASEFriday, March 10, 2006 KINGSTON: “IT AIN’T HARD OUT THERE TO FIND A JOB” Jobs Report Released Today; Nearly 5 Million Opportunities Created Since May 2003 WASHINGTON-Today U.S. Rep. Jack Kingston (R-GA), vice chairman of the Republican Conference, issued the following statement regarding the Department of Labor’s jobs report announcement: “For those who say tax cuts do not help stimulate the economy, today’s news emphasizes the fact that President Bush’s tax cuts have now done for the economy what Kennedy’s cuts did in the 60s and Reagan’s cuts did in the 80s. Today’s numbers show that the American people can spend their money better than Washington can. To have continued job growth, you must limit the size of government. “The bottom line is that Republican principles have helped create an environment for opportunity and job creation. Maybe the Republican Party could win an Oscar for our song, ‘It ain’t hard out there to find a job.'” Read more on What Hath Crunk Wrought?…
 

Remainders: Still Inside the Media Bubble

* Rush Limbaugh on Hillary Clinton: “She sounds like a screeching ex-wife.” Heh, he should know. [Media Matters] * Former Fed chairman Alan Greenspan lands an $8.5 million book deal — and he doesn’t even blog. [NYT] Read more on Remainders: Still Inside the Media Bubble…
 

Remainders: Our Post-Oscars Celebrity Hangover

* Brokeback Mountain fans: sore losers? [HuffPo] * No, that wasn’t Jeff Gannon sitting next to George Clooney at the Oscars. [The Gilded Moose] * A libertarian’s take on the Oscars. [Hit & Run] Read more on Remainders: Our Post-Oscars Celebrity Hangover…
 

The Oscars: Our Guide To Faking It

So you didn’t watch the Academy Awards last night. Well, that’s okay; with the help of this handy little guide, you can pretend that you did. The Oscars lie more squarely within the jurisdiction of our L.A. and New York siblings (whose coverage is available here and here). But since the awards were fairly political this year — which shouldn’t be surprising, with Jon Stewart as host — we’ll put in our two cents. Read more on The Oscars: Our Guide To Faking It…
 

At the Movies with Mr. Tight Hole Operations

This Sunday night brings us Hollywood’s big mutual masturbation festival, better known as the Academy Awards. In advance of Oscar night, conservative pundits are going through the motions of railing against clueless and/or evil Hollywood liberals. Ann Coulter has done it; and now it’s time for Jeff Gannon to say his piece. After the jump, our fisking — yes, with a “k” — of Gannon’s column. Read more on At the Movies with Mr. Tight Hole Operations…