Tag: osama bin laden

It's the bloody tears that really make this one work

BREAKING: George Bush Kept Us Even Safer Than We Knew On 9/11!

Bad news for revisionist historians who have decided to Never Forget 9/11 by simply forgetting 9/11. Or saying Bill Clinton did it. Or insisting the first terrorist attack on a president's watch doesn't count. Or all of 'em, Katie. While George Gee Dubya was...
Never Forget

Rick Santorum Beated Up Whoopi Goldberg And ISIS, Will Be Toughest President

Rick Santorum, whose polling throughout the primary season hasn't risen higher than Rick Santorum's dick when he discovers sexts from his wife's hot abortion doctor ex-boyfriend, has sent out a fundraising email. No, we do not know how the Washington...
No, Bill, we haven't forgotten.

It’s Official: Bill Clinton Did 9/11

It has long been the position of the Republican Party that 9/11 was the worst thing to ever happen to America, at least until Barack Obama was elected president (twice). But the party has never been comfortable with the FACT that...

Dana Perino So Sad George Bush Blamed For 9/11 Attack That Never Even Happened

Dana Perino, current Fox Blonde and former spokestwit for President Dubya, is none too happy that people are saying means about her boyfriend George. On Fox New's "The Five," she and four other Fox Morons discussed how unfair it is that...

Ben Carson: If Only We’d Drilled Baby Drilled, We Coulda Caught Osama Bin Laden

World-renowned neurosurgeon Ben Carson is still hitting the anaesthetics and rewriting history, and hoo boy, his latest installment is a real gas. On Sunday, Carson tried to explain to George Stephanopoulos comments he made during a Republican debate about how he...

President Obama: Afghanistan War Going So Great, Let’s Never Leave!

Remember how President Obama was going to pull all of our troops out of Afghanistan by the end of 2016, and then we would finally be done Never Forgetting 9/11 by bombing the crap out of Afghans? And, oh yeah, sometimes...
To be fair, he looks pretty safe there

Never Forget (Except For The Stuff They Wish We’d Forget, Go Ahead And Forget That Stuff)

What is it we're supposed to never forget again? George W. Bush, August 6, 2001: Bush listened to the briefing , Suskind says, then told the CIA briefer: “All right. You’ve covered your ass, now.” George W. Bush, March 13, 2002: just...
Cool Story, Bro

Convict James O’Keefe: Help, I Am Being Treated Like A Convict!

Oh, look at the violence inherent in the system. Just shocking. Oh, oh so sad. The American government is oppressing a crusading journalist, just for making the government look bad. Thanks to the dumb stunt where he waded across...
Bad president bad!

Nine Things President Obama Might Be Holding Besides This Dirty Pack Of Cigarettes

OH NO, President Obama is back behind the high school gym again, smoking all the cigarettes and rolling his eyes, maybe and allegedly! Cigarettes are a well-known slippery slope to getting potted up on weed and socializing America. Obama was...
Still empty.

Ben Carson Coulda Killed Bin Laden And Saddam Without Going To War, Just Like JFK Did

Ben Carson made a Dumb again! He was trying and failing, like so many other Republican candidates before him, to answer the question, "would you have invaded Iraq?" To his credit, he said it was a mistake! But he said...
Clearly photoshopped, since as we all know, Obama was actually out golfing

Breaking: Anonymous Source Says Obama Lied About Bin Laden Raid, Everything In Universe

Super-Journalist Seymour Hersh has published a hell of a story in the London Review of Books about the killing of Osama bin Laden that, had it actually included any significant sources willing to go on the record, would totally...
Him?

George W. Bush Emerges From Spider Hole To Trash-Talk Obama’s Middle East Strategy. Really.

Ever since leaving the White House, the worst president in America's history has mostly kept his stumbling idiot wordhole shut, because he is a man of integrity, and he would never stoop so low as to criticize President Obama, as he...
Just going through the motions anymore

Sen. Tom Cotton Would Like Some Iran War, Like Bill Clinton Did

Republican Hero Sen. Tom Cotton, America's greatest constitutional expert since Jesus wrote the document himself, has already taught us everything we need to know about the president's authority To Do Stuff, which is zero. He can't just go around...
Behind that mask is a very sad face.

Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!

Rightwing dildo-lube-boat-enthusiast James O'Keefe is being oppressed again by activist judges and the mean liberal media. An obviously terrible judge has struck down his libel case arising from his infamous (failed) attempt to pretend to be a phone company...

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Lies To Your Face And You Love It

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report, Brian Williams gets a time-out for fibbing, Congress forms a circular firing squad over DHS funding, and Alabama Judge Roy Moore don't cotton to no sodomites. Missed last week's Report? Well...
Any story combining 'Trump' and 'intelligence' makes us nervous

CIA Lady Was Worst Spy Ever, Got Promoted To King Of Torture

Just when we'd thought we'd heard all the worst from the Senate's report on the CIA's torture program, along comes even more. Not only did the CIA do some pretty horrific stuff that violated the law without gaining any...