Tag: osama bin laden

President Obama: Afghanistan War Going So Great, Let’s Never Leave!

Remember how President Obama was going to pull all of our troops out of Afghanistan by the end of 2016, and then we would finally be done Never Forgetting 9/11 by bombing the crap out of Afghans? And, oh yeah, sometimes...
To be fair, he looks pretty safe there

Never Forget (Except For The Stuff They Wish We’d Forget, Go Ahead And Forget That Stuff)

What is it we're supposed to never forget again? George W. Bush, August 6, 2001: Bush listened to the briefing , Suskind says, then told the CIA briefer: “All right. You’ve covered your ass, now.” George W. Bush, March 13, 2002: just...
Why wouldn't you believe this man?

Convict James O’Keefe: Help, I Am Being Treated Like A Convict!

Oh, look at the violence inherent in the system. Just shocking. Oh, oh so sad. The American government is oppressing a crusading journalist, just for making the government look bad. Thanks to the dumb stunt where he waded across...
Bad president bad!

Nine Things President Obama Might Be Holding Besides This Dirty Pack Of Cigarettes

OH NO, President Obama is back behind the high school gym again, smoking all the cigarettes and rolling his eyes, maybe and allegedly! Cigarettes are a well-known slippery slope to getting potted up on weed and socializing America. Obama was...
Still empty.

Ben Carson Coulda Killed Bin Laden And Saddam Without Going To War, Just Like JFK Did

Ben Carson made a Dumb again! He was trying and failing, like so many other Republican candidates before him, to answer the question, "would you have invaded Iraq?" To his credit, he said it was a mistake! But he said...
Clearly photoshopped, since as we all know, Obama was actually out golfing

Breaking: Anonymous Source Says Obama Lied About Bin Laden Raid, Everything In Universe

Super-Journalist Seymour Hersh has published a hell of a story in the London Review of Books about the killing of Osama bin Laden that, had it actually included any significant sources willing to go on the record, would totally...
Him?

George W. Bush Emerges From Spider Hole To Trash-Talk Obama’s Middle East Strategy. Really.

Ever since leaving the White House, the worst president in America's history has mostly kept his stumbling idiot wordhole shut, because he is a man of integrity, and he would never stoop so low as to criticize President Obama, as he...
Just going through the motions anymore

Sen. Tom Cotton Would Like Some Iran War, Like Bill Clinton Did

Republican Hero Sen. Tom Cotton, America's greatest constitutional expert since Jesus wrote the document himself, has already taught us everything we need to know about the president's authority To Do Stuff, which is zero. He can't just go around...
Behind that mask is a very sad face.

Mean Federal Judge Won’t Let James O’Keefe Sue For Libel Just Because He Wasn’t Libeled, Unfair!

Rightwing dildo-lube-boat-enthusiast James O'Keefe is being oppressed again by activist judges and the mean liberal media. An obviously terrible judge has struck down his libel case arising from his infamous (failed) attempt to pretend to be a phone company...

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Lies To Your Face And You Love It

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report, Brian Williams gets a time-out for fibbing, Congress forms a circular firing squad over DHS funding, and Alabama Judge Roy Moore don't cotton to no sodomites. Missed last week's Report? Well...
Not that the CIA was as competent about these guys

CIA Lady Was Worst Spy Ever, Got Promoted To King Of Torture

Just when we'd thought we'd heard all the worst from the Senate's report on the CIA's torture program, along comes even more. Not only did the CIA do some pretty horrific stuff that violated the law without gaining any...
douche

John McCain Hearts James O’Keefe, Osama Bin Laden

On Wednesday, the Senate’s Homeland Security Committee held hearings about possible terrorist infiltration of the nation’s southern border. This gave lifelike waxworks statue Sen. John McCain (R-Dang Fence) a chance to cite the spectacular work of “journalist” James O’Keefe...
douche

James O’Keefe Takes Al-Qaeda Cosplay Fantasies To Mexico Border To Prove Something, We Guess

Since last week we had been hearing rumblings on the Internet that smirking dildo boat enthusiast James O’Keefe III had a new video that would SHOCK EVERYONE and CHANGE THE GAME (mostly we were hearing this from O’Keefe’s Twitter...
He Kept Us Mostly Safe Kind Of

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism

Well, fans of Christianist textbooks, just like in 1989, we're just about at the end of history once again, or at least the end of our two rightwing Christian textbooks, almost. Last week, our 11/12th-grade textbook, United States History...

Melt Bin Laden’s Face Off With This Awesome Doll The CIA Didn’t Make!

When we were but a young Wonket, we loved our G.I. Joe's. Pew, pew, pew!, we said to our Joes, along with eeeeeOOOWWW! and sch-BOOOM! when appropriate. Back then, we had to use Cobra Commander as the fill-in for...

Tea Party Coloring Books Help You Start ‘Em Young

Do you possess a small child? Do you wish your small child would color things to develop hand-eye coordination and patience or whatever it is that kids are supposed to learn from coloring? So maybe you'll buy the little...