osama bin laden
Why Is Michelle Obama Visiting Bin Laden’s Son In The Hospital After He Did The Boston Bombings?
So it turns out, via tipster “Michael,” who would like Wonket to investigate before we get 9/11ed again, that the SAUDI NATIONAL (who has already been cleared of the Boston Bombings but only because the FBI IS IN ON IT) is actually Osama Bin Laden’s son, Hamza, and Michelle Obama visited him in the hospital [...]
A Children’s Treasury of NYT Commenters Who Love Eternal Detention
The New York Times posted an op-ed online Sunday night that’s jarring not only because of its content but because of its very existence: It’s a column from a prisoner at Guantánamo Bay that explains how degrading and painful it is to be force fed while trying to hold a hunger strike to protest his [...]
Rep. Peter King Leaks Government Secrets To Threaten National Security Some More
If there’s one thing New York Rep. Peter King (R-OF COURSE) hates — besides Muslims, obviously — it’s people who leak classified information because they hate America. (Why else would they leak classified information, right?) Leaking government secrets is like an “invitation to murder” basically, according to Peter King. Like that one time there were [...]
Join The Navy, See New Places, Meet New People, And Return To Broken Dreams And Limited Health Insurance
Join the armed forces you guys! We cannot stop counting the perks! You’ll maybe get to travel to foreign and exotic places, shoot Bin Laden in the face and kill him, and then come home a hero! Movies will be made about you, people will sing your praises, the world will be your oyster! Until [...]
Never Forget The Summer Bin Laden Briefly Distracted Us From Saddam Hussein
In the summer of 2001, while most Americans were first and foremost worried about shark attacks, our newly installed neocon foreign policy leaders had their eyes on the real enemy, the one man who was working tirelessly to destroy us: Saddam Hussein. This evil dictator, whose plans for world conquest had received a minor setback [...]
American Literature Saved! Bin Laden Death Porn Displaces Actual Porn As #1 Best-Seller
If you ever want to weep bitter tears for the death of American good taste, just purchase a coach class domestic airline ticket and take a little trip across Real America. You will discover that literally dozens of your fellow airline passengers are openly reading 50 Shades Of Grey or its offshoots, a terribly written [...]
Ronald Reagan May Give Greatest Performance By Pretending To Tolerate Mitt Romney From The Grave
Fox News is hinting/wishing/masturbating furtively to the idea that the “surprise speaker” at the Republican National Convention tomorrow may be a hologram of Ronald Reagan.
Treasure Hunter Gives Up Hunting For Gold Because Bin Laden’s Corpse Is More Interesting
One ambitious Californian by the name of Bill Warren, who has spent decades hunting, but never really finding, treasure at the bottom of the sea, has declared that now Osama Bin Laden’s body, not gold, is his everything. Warren has been looking for the body of Bin Laden for about a year, and told the [...]
blog advertising is good for you
