Tag Archives: orly taitz

  rap battles

Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)

Breaking political news to grandchildren is the pits
Well, it had to happen sometime, and apparently that “sometime” is 2016, because Barbara Boxer, one of the best liberals to ever lib up the Senate chamber with her San Francisco valyews, has announced to her grandson on video that she will not be seeking re-election in 2016, citing her desire to spend more time with her California. Is she RETIRING, though? Golly gee no, because there are still many, many things to be done. We are not certain whether she intended to release this announcement, or whether her grandson set this video to “public” on accident, but it’s out there now, can’t go back! Let’s watch it. I’ll live-blog, you laugh, got it? Me type words, you react in jolly manner. Let’s go: Read more on Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)…
  Taitz Necessarily So

Orly Taitz Pretty Sure George Clooney’s Hot Lawyer Wife Will Finally Prove Obama Isn’t President

If only I could find some loon with a really hopeless, arguably insane claim...
Excellent news! Birther Hivemind Queen Mother Orly Taitz got a gift subscription to People Magazine for Christmas! That’s the only thing we think could possibly explain this bizarre story from Bradlee Dean’s dumb website for dumb people: For some reason, the completely rational and very serious lawyer, dentist, real estate agent, and perennial fringe political candidate has gotten it into her head that she should try to recruit Amal Alamuddin Clooney, the hot human rights lawyer who married actor George Clooney last fall, into her very important campaign to prove that Barack Hussein Obama is a complete fraud with a stolen Social Security number, a fake Selective Service registration, and at least one Yahoo email account registered under the phony identity of “John Boehner’s Left Nut.” Read more on Orly Taitz Pretty Sure George Clooney’s Hot Lawyer Wife Will Finally Prove Obama Isn’t President…
  It’s like they think they’re black or something

Racist Obamas Try To Start Race War On Whitey By Talking About Being Black

always talking about race all the time
Ugh, the so-called “first family” is trying to start a race war — again! Like it’s not bad enough that President Obama is always injecting race into statements about how if he had a black son, his son would be black, which serves no purpose other than inciting White Man’s Fury on Fox News. Or how Michelle Obama has been injecting race into trying to keep our fat-ass kids from dropping dead from their strict diets of soda and cheesy poofs — by being black. Read more on Racist Obamas Try To Start Race War On Whitey By Talking About Being Black…
  But what is he really trying to say?!?

Jerry Brown Will Drown All Your Children

Subtle!
Because it is exactly three weeks to Election Day, it is also the time for desperate candidates who are going to be very sad on Election Day night to whip out the Hail Mary ads because why not? Read more on Jerry Brown Will Drown All Your Children…
  If She Says 'Also Too' We'll Know For Sure

Wingnut Congressional Candidate Lady Simply Does Not Care For ‘Infected Poors’

Itr's time for Weppner, yeah. I'm an excellent driver.
This serious-looking lady surrounded by insane anti-immigrant signs (including one decrying the debunked “immigrant resort with Wi-Fi and a weight room” story) is Kathy Weppner, a Republican candidate for Congress from Buffalo, New York. She’s a birther who has stated that Bill Clinton once had a sexually transmitted disease, and she once had her own local rightwing radio show where she enthusiastically interviewed Orly Taitz. And she is definitely someone who needs to stay on Wonkette’s radar — just look at her brilliant email Q-and-A with The Buffalo News. But that’s not why we’re talking about her today. This is why we’re talking about her today: Yesterday, she tweeted this fairly nutso message claiming that Guatemala is blackmailing the U.S. for aid: Read more on Wingnut Congressional Candidate Lady Simply Does Not Care For ‘Infected Poors’…
  let the eagle soar

13 Brave Americans Who Should Be Your New Stephen Colbert

CBS has announced that Stephen Colbert will replace David Letterman on “The Late Show,” leaving one really important question unanswered: if Stephen Colbert becomes David Letterman, who then will be Stephen Colbert? Never fear. We’ve compiled an incisive and trenchant and helpful list of 13 People Who Should Be Your New Stephen Colbert. Read more on 13 Brave Americans Who Should Be Your New Stephen Colbert…
  the golden dream by the sea

More Wonket Dreams Come True: Birther Diva Orly Taitz Running for California Attorney General (Updated!)

Now with Important Update! Drudge Sirens! See End of Post! We thought that nothing could make us happier than the news that Victoria Jackson was running for local office in Tennessee. But now we see that Birth Certificate Goddess Orly Taitz, DDSquire, has filed to run for Attorney General of California. We don’t know what we did to deserve this bounty, but we thank the Great Cosmic Whatever and hope that our luck holds. Her press release is modest enough, and of course asks for money, because once she wins the primary, she still has to face incumbent A.G. Kamala Harris, $3 million in her war chest. On the other hand, Orly has the TRUTH about Barack Hussein Obama’s birth certificate and his forty-eleven Social Security numbers, so it’s probably a toss-up at this point. But please be generous, because Orly just spent $10,000 in fees to get on the ballot. Read more on More Wonket Dreams Come True: Birther Diva Orly Taitz Running for California Attorney General (Updated!)…
  l'affaire obama

Beyonce And Barack Probably Le Boning, Says France

Remember back last week when we had some explosive totally fake news about how Big Bill Clinton totally did Elizabeth Hurley, but it was a lie from a completely drug-addled Tom Sizemore? Yeah, that is so over. The new hottness is that Bamz is totally getting it on with Beyonce. Today in WHAT?????!!!!, a French photographer named Pascal Rostain claims that the President of the United States of America, Barack Obama, is embroiled in a love affair with internationally famous pop star Beyoncé. Oh, and we’re going to read about it in the Washington Post tomorrow. Now, we are not endorsing stepping out and seriously, when you’ve got FLOTUS at home, why would you, but damn, if you’re going to cheat, Bey is the way to go. Although there is that pesky part where Beyonce is married to Jay-Z, who is probably not above cold-cocking the president or ordering a hit or whatever. Read more on Beyonce And Barack Probably Le Boning, Says France…
  two birthers enter one birther leaves

Here Is Your Birther Slap Fight, Starring Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Minions And Super-Heroine Orly Taitz

If you were feeling like you really weren’t confused or exasperated enough yet today, Orly Taitz is here to help! It looks like there is trouble in birther paradise, what with one of Sheriff Joe’s minions, Reverend Carl Gallups — whose website helpfully offers you a guide to determine whether you are in a cult — asking our favorite perpetually aggrieved dentist-lawyer to step off, motherfucker, because her perpetual litigation machine is interfering with the INCREDIBLY TRUE SHOCKING news that Sheriff Joe and Company will be releasing very very soon, or “in a month and change.” Can you feel the excitement? Read more on Here Is Your Birther Slap Fight, Starring Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Minions And Super-Heroine Orly Taitz…
  the conspiracy goes all the way to the top

Birther Lawyer Philip Berg Forgot To Do Anything Other Than Sue Obama And Is Now Suspended

Remember way back on Monday when we lawsplained to you how inveterate fabulist Stephen Glass did not get to be a lawyer in California because of the ceaseless lying (and racisms!), and you guys were all like OH YEAH WHAT ABOUT BIRTHER QUEEN ORLY TAITZ, HMMM? SHE IS STILL A LAWYER, HENNNGGHH? We do not control the Supreme Court of California and cannot fix this problem for you, and Ms. Taitz sadly remains allowed to practice. However, the US Supremes did claim the scalp of another famous birther lawyer, Philip Berg, after Pennsylvania suspended him from practicing for two years. What was his crime? Loving hating Obama so much that he kind of forgot he had other things to work on. Read more on Birther Lawyer Philip Berg Forgot To Do Anything Other Than Sue Obama And Is Now Suspended…
  through the looking glass...again

Obama Killing All Birth Certificate Cover-Up Related Witnesses In Desperate Attempt To Distract From Obamacare

What with all the other craziness that has gone on in Washington this fall, it only makes sense that Our Great Leader and Guiding Star of the Heavens Barack Obama would choose this moment to start quietly knocking off all the people involved in covering up the provenance of his obviously forged long-form birth certificate. Unless he is knocking off these people to distract from Obamacare, in which case, well played, El Jefe! Either way, INPEACH!! The murderous Thug-In-Chief apparently put the touch on one Loretta Fuddy, the state health director for Hawaii. Fuddy was the official who in April 2011 verified the authenticity of copies of President Obama’s birth certificate, which he then released to the public in a desperate attempt to derail the dogged investigations of super-sleuths like Orly Taitz and noted hairball Donald Trump. Fuddy was killed yesterday when the single-engine Cessna in which she was riding went down off the island of Molokai due to what the pilot described as “catastrophic engine failure.” Which is exactly what Obama would want us to think! Read more on Obama Killing All Birth Certificate Cover-Up Related Witnesses In Desperate Attempt To Distract From Obamacare…
  still kenyan after all these years

Orly Taitz Has Found Her Soul Mate, But Will They Live Happily Ever After?

On Monday, we had a laugh and a cringe at Mia Marie Pope, who knows in her heart, her gut, and her brain that is full of things that definitely happened that Barack Obama is a drug-doing homosexer with more fake Social Security numbers than an Applebee’s kitchen. But wouldn’t you know it, we were late! Everyone’s favorite lawyer who is also a dentist who is also an exceedingly strange person Orly Taitz was on the case a week ago! You can almost hear Orly’s lady juices churn as she summarizes Ms. Pope’s account: Read more on Orly Taitz Has Found Her Soul Mate, But Will They Live Happily Ever After?…
  hillary in the house

Larry Klayman Soothes His Weary Soul By Once Again Writing Hillary Clinton Themed Erotica

Remember the good old days of the 1990s? The economy did not suck as hard, the NRA supported universal background checks, and seemingly every month there was a new awesomely insane story about the Clintons that the news would haphazardly run on prime time without even the semblance of fact checking. Things were pretty sweet if you, like super lawyer to the stars Larry Klayman, were interesting in publishing some Mad-Libs sounding piece of “muckraking” drivel. (DRUDGE: “Did Bill Clinton host a blood orgy at the latest NATO Summit?”) But since that glorious time Hilz has become so universally beloved that she now regularly receives compliments from her most prominent haters (especially after she solicits them directly). That is why Klayman’s latest piece at online Piggly-Wiggly bulletin board “Renew America” is such a wonderfully nostalgic throwback to the days when our idiotic corporate media organs just used wingnut bullshit to facilitate the pointless impeachment of the President, instead of leading us into a war. Read more on Larry Klayman Soothes His Weary Soul By Once Again Writing Hillary Clinton Themed Erotica…
  birthers

Now Orly Taitz Is Gonna Arrest The President, Uh Huh

Welp, we haven’t written anything about Orly Taitz in…(checks archives) A WHOLE FUCKING WEEK! Readers, what have you been doing? Are you bereft? Are you weeping? Are you yearning, deeply, for new Orly Taitz news? Of course you are! Wonkers, it’s cool, she’s just gonna arrest the president. Read more on Now Orly Taitz Is Gonna Arrest The President, Uh Huh…
  spies like him

Orly Taitz To Court: Is Barack Obama His Own Secret Body-Double Indonesian Spy?

Oh, Orly. Oh dear. Perhaps when you have four lives as a birther/realtor/dentist/lawyer, it does not seem so odd to claim that Barack Obama has a secret body double somewhere in Indonesia — or is himself the secret body double, in the White House, and the real Barack Obama might be dead somewhere? But the rest of us are most concerned with getting you onto the NRA’s national mental health registry toot sweet. Click through to see … just, Jesus. Read more on Orly Taitz To Court: Is Barack Obama His Own Secret Body-Double Indonesian Spy?…
  this is how you step up your game

Birther Queen Orly Taitz Explains to Judge: She Is Pretty Much Thurgood Marshall, Yo

Help! We are having trouble keeping track of all the crazy shit that weird melted plastic creature lawyer Orly Taitz has done. We need some sort of Orly Taitz tracker, or day planner, or iPhone app. Just last month, she lawsplained to us all that if a judge won’t force a private college to reveal The One’s transcripts, we are all living in Nazi Germany. Six months before that, she ran for Senate in California and released an amazing clip art YouTube horrorshow of a campaign video. She has filed lawsuit after lawsuit after lawsuit (oh, for fuck’s sake, use the Google. We’re not going to embed that many hotlinks back to Wonkette) with levels of insane ranging from epic to batshit. And the hits just keep on coming: Read more on Birther Queen Orly Taitz Explains to Judge: She Is Pretty Much Thurgood Marshall, Yo…
  dismissed with prejudice

Birther Lawyer Orly Taitz Does Not Seem To Be Very Good At ‘Law’

Well, it has happened AGAIN! Some treason-loving judge has decided that an Orly Taitz Lawsuit Special did not seem to have any basis in “law” or “evidence,” and would not let the realtor/dentist/lawyer/X-Files Fluke-Man compel Occidental College to release President Afrika Bambaataa’s college records even though Ms. Taitz explained to Occidental’s general counsel that if he did not comply, “Your opposition will constitute Obstruction of Justice, Aiding and Abetting in the elections fraud in forgery and treason in allowing a foreign citizen to usurp the U.S. Presidency with an aid of forged IDs and usurp the civil rights of the U.S. citizens,” she wrote. “At any rate your opposition and your attempt of intimidation and your allegiance or lack of allegiance to the United States of America is duly noted. Just make sure not to forget to bring with you Mr. Obama’s application, registration, and financial aid application.” Read more on Birther Lawyer Orly Taitz Does Not Seem To Be Very Good At ‘Law’…
  not hugging not learning

No One Has To Slap Orly Taitz In The Face As She Will Never Concede, Never Surrender

Poor Tom Barrett, trying to weasel his way out of getting slapped by asking for a hug instead. NO TOM BARRETT. The lady will not hug you! SHE MAD! (We would post the video here, but it is useless, and we strongly suspect that the slap was to the shoulder or something, which is not nearly as cool as a nice bright face-slap for conceding a race while people are still voting, we don’t care what “math” says.) But is there someone else yesterday who dreamed an unpossible dream — and who hasn’t given it up yet, and never will, because the bluebirds twittering around in her brainpan have warbled new promises to her in the secret language only they understand? There is! “Fwispdaggjerglaggjerblodt,” warbled the bluebirds! “I heed your call!” said dentist/lawyer/realtor/cosmonaut Dr. Orly Taitz, DDS MFA ETA Esq.! Then, as her eye orbs spun in their sockets, she shouted to the world from her Geocities website: THE MACHINES! After all, she is only in fourth place for the “top two” spot (ugh) to fight Dianne Feinstein lady-styley. Come to her aid, Americans! Read more on No One Has To Slap Orly Taitz In The Face As She Will Never Concede, Never Surrender…
  taitz or gtfo

Newfangled California ‘Top Two’ Balloting Will Let All Good Democrats Vote For Orly Taitz Today (UPDATED!)

Hello, California! The voters, in their infinite wisdom, have done another fun thing to your precious California ballot, and that is that you can now vote for your favorite two people in any primary election, starting today! Apparently Rolling Stone thinks this means that Dems will vote for moderate Republicans instead of the rabid folk who currently win Republican primaries, and that this will break the black-helicopter folks’ iron grip on their nominations. This is because Rolling Stone is HILARIOUS. No, what it really means is that sly, sneaky California Democrats can ensure that the GOP’s standardbearer for US Senate will be everyone’s favorite dentist/real estate agent/lawyer/Martian one Ms. Orly Taitz! You have your orders. Now go ACORN that shit! UPDATE! Your editrix has no idea how this fucking thing works! Read more on Newfangled California ‘Top Two’ Balloting Will Let All Good Democrats Vote For Orly Taitz Today (UPDATED!)…
  prepare to be catharted

Empress of Outer Space Orly Taitz Has New Senate Campaign Ad (VIDEO)

Yes, friends, your beloved election girlfriend and California GOP candidate for U.S. Senate Orly Taitz has finally found the time don a suit of medieval armor, sit down with a tank of nitrous oxide pilfered from the dental office supply closet along with one hundred cigarettes and then take alternating puffs on each until she came up with her very own campaign video. You must now watch it. Read more on Empress of Outer Space Orly Taitz Has New Senate Campaign Ad (VIDEO)…
  this whole court is out of order!

Orly Taitz Still Suing To Get Off Ballot Guy Who Beat Her In 2010

What, huh? Did you have trouble parsing that headline? It didn’t really make much sense, right? But have you considered that the problem might not be the headline, which is doing the best it can, bless its little anthropomorphized headline heart, but the story it is trying to explain? The story stars one Orly Taitz, after all — a woman who contains multitudes as she is a lawyer, dentist, future US senator from the world’s worst state, California, and probably some other stuff we forget. So what’s up, Orles? How are you clogging up the court system today? She continues to argue that [Damon] Dunn, a former National Football League player who defeated her for the [Republican nomination for Secretary of State in 2010] and ultimately lost to Democrat Debra Bowen, shouldn’t have been allowed to run as a Republican because years earlier in other states he’d registered as a Democrat. Of course she does. So she has been suing him for election fraud plus reimbursement for all the $40,000 she spent on her campaign. (Plus punitive damages, of course, which should be outlawed when a drunk doctor kills your baby but are awesome when someone breaks the laws that Orly Taitz made up in her head.) Read more on Orly Taitz Still Suing To Get Off Ballot Guy Who Beat Her In 2010…
  as usual

Orly Taitz Losing Senate Race, GOP Racism Against White People to Blame

Here is a very important regional political update that you will not want to miss: famous dingbat and U.S. Senate candidate Orly Taitz has been snubbed for the endorsement of the California Republican Assembly. Orly Taitz has considered all the reasons why this might be the case, and Republican racism against white people is the obvious culprit. This mostly irrelevant wingnut endorsement has gone to some guy “Al Ramirez,” see. So let Orly Taitz, speaker of Spanish, go ahead and translate the taco talk for you: “Ramirez” is a Hispanic name. CONSPIRACY. Read more on Orly Taitz Losing Senate Race, GOP Racism Against White People to Blame…