December 12, 2013
Well this does not seem so loving and joyful and Christ-like, but hey, what do we know. An Oregon man who is not Missouri Senate candidate Todd Akin, or Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, and who’s been protesting for months outside a Planned Parenthood that doesn’t even offer abortion services got into a small bit [...]
Here is your biweekly “niceness” post, wherein we push away, for a moment, sad humans screaming about buggery and Ann Romney being a twatbag. Meet the Portland Police Bureau gals and dudes, every last one of whom seems to be a total gay, telling kids it gets better. Portland may have just landed itself in [...]
The spring season of political sex scandals, like the presidential campaigns, like the bland and uninspired bickering of Congress, like the campaign ads’ lack of demon sheep, masturbating witches and Basil Marceaux, are so boring that we are sharing this tale of a dim Oregon GOP lawmaker who had consensual, heterosexual sex with his staffer: [...]
Well, that was fast! Furry sex aficionado Rep. David Wu announced he will resign after the debt crisis negotiations are over (hahaha, so actually he means “never”) because of this sexytime incident with the 18-year-old daughter of his high school classmate that we heard about only a few days ago. Hooray, Congress is down another [...]
Who wants to hear about boring old “debt ceiling” issues such as old people being pushed into landfills because of no more money? What America needs is a Way To Laugh Again, and it got that bouquet of clown farts Sunday night as Madame Ex-Speaker Nancy Pelosi called for an official inquisition against Oregon’s best-loved [...]
Here is what a Teabagger stream-of-consciousness novel looks like self-published on the back of a camper, like all major wingnut tomes. Tea Party, meet your T. S. Eliot.
Haha, the guy thought the mailman “had a bunch of packages for us.” Well, the mailman did have a bunch of packages — packages of poop! (Unwrapped.)
Congressman David Wu of Oregon did some interesting things right before his re-election in last year’s midterm elections. He allegedly wandered around Oregon like an insane person, for one. Also, it appears he sent his staff e-mails like an insane person, along with photos of him dressing up like some kind of tiger furry. Wow! [...]
Mohamed Osman Mohamud, a 19-year-old U.S. citizen, was arrested this weekend for plotting to detonate a bomb at a downtown Portland, Oregon tree-lighting celebration. So that’s good, right? Americans appreciate not getting blown up. But the thing is, Mohamud was never a member of a terrorist group. The FBI provided him a fake bomb and [...]
It’s probably not very much fun to split up with your wife of 75 years and then have the Huffington Post say you’ve been cheating with Larry David’s wife and then have some masseuse in Oregon claim, to the National Enquirer, that you tried to practice your love on her three years ago when she [...]
Really? Did Al Gore try to get some 54-year-old masseuse gal to massage his dingus at a Portland hotel where he was staying to give a Climate Change speech, and when the woman showed no interest did he then get angry and demand she have sex with him? Is Al Gore supposed to be the [...]
JoAnne Kohler, the proprietor of Salem, Oregon’s Tea Party Bookshop, is changing her business’s name to Tigress Books next month, because she has no time for Real Americans or their “political connotations.” Lately, Real Americans have been coming into her ”wildly independent” literature depot asking for Sarah Palin novels and getting all mad because her [...]
Illustrating today’s Post-America America info-graphic are the two most famous living humans from Mississippi and Oregon: Vile slob and unrepentant racist Haley Barbour, the actual governor of Mississippi, and musician Stephen Malkmus of Portland.
EWWWWWWWWWW Oregon state legislators are filthy! All they talk about is blood and poop and semen. They wrote a bill about this stuff because they are gross. (Also, to protect Women.) Basically it says that before you give the nice lady a Cleveland Steamer, make sure she consents.
Two recent incidents show that our nation’s proud elected officials all turn into COCKS OF RAGE at the sight of airport personnel. First David Vitter tries to hijack a plane to New Orleans, and then this Representative Pete DeFazio character, a common Democrat from Oregon, gets all shirty when a TSA screener in Portland wants [...]