Ooh, won’t tomorrow be fun! Obama, of course, is going to half-declare himself the winner, as his campaign predicts it will have the majority of pledged delegates following Kentucky and Oregon’s primaries. He’ll be spending the night in Iowa, where he started his Quest. (Circle of Life and all that). Obama is not very smart however, and he — like the DNC — considers the winning number of delegates to be 2,025; Hillary’s team has made up a new number, 2,209, that includes Michigan and Florida. And guess what she’s doing tomorrow? Declaring a popular vote lead. So tomorrow we will have two declared winners, and no souls, and an Iraq War. [AFP, NYT]

Silly Barry Obama held a rally with 75,000 attendees in Portland, Oregon today. Jesus, don’t people go to church anymore, or has Obama converted all the kids to Islam (via MTV)? According to the Washington Post, “The sea of heads stretches for half a mile along the grassy embankment, while others watch from kayaks and power boats bobbing on the Willamette River. More hug the rails of the steel bridge that stretches across the water and crowds are even watching from jetties on the opposite shore.” After the jump, a picture of that. MORE »

Barack Obama is going to win in Oregon as big as Hillary won in West Virginia, but it will count for twice as many delegates. Also, he won the nomination. Still, he has to keep campaigning because Hillary will never ever quit the race, so he had to do this depressing Q&A with one of the “alt-weekly” papers in Portland. If you thought alt-weeklies were the last refuge of aging grunge losers, this interview really isn’t going to change your view. MORE »

OMG. Steve Novick is a hobbit from Oregon who is running for Senate as a Democrat, and he also has a hook hand. He opens a beer with his HOOK HAND, and it’s among the better things we’ve seen in life. He also owns an HDTV and is an Arugula Liberal Elitist. Vote Steve Novick! We must get this man to Washington so he can open beers for us, like a pirate. [YouTube via Steve Novick]

Here is a nice image of Barry Obama playing half-naked in a filthy industrial river with his pet unicorn, Mr. Pantsy, and shooting Bitter Roses out of his wide-angle crotch. Lucas Ketner’s terrifying painting accompanies a Barry endorsement from Oregon’s Willamette Week, which is actually edited by Mr. Pantsy. [Willamette Week via Slog]

Thousands of dockworkers from Seattle to San Diego didn’t show up at work today, forcing the closure of all 29 ports in the Western United States — including the busiest American ports at Los Angeles and Long Beach. What the hell? MORE »

Bill Richardson is such a sexist skirt-chaser that he has decided to endorse the male senator over the female senator who’s married to the guy he used to work for. The newly bearded New Mexico Governor and former ambassador to the U.N. under Bill Clinton will be endorsing Barack Obama for president today somewhere in Oregon. [NYT]

SORRY SHE’S NOT HOTTER! The mayor of some little town somewhere in Oregon had a bra-and-panties pic up on her MySpace page. It’s a scandal! But all we can find is this headshot, so let’s just forget the whole thing. [FOX News]

In the Department of Stuff That Might Be True, we go to Wayne Madsen and his occasionally semi-accurate unsourced website. Madsen says the new Senate Majority Leadership will try to convert moderate Republican Susan Collins and Oregon rebel GOP’er Gordon Smith should Tim Johnson be unable to continue as senator. MORE »

“No Honest Man Need Fear Cartoons,” a Homer Davenport cartoon from 1898. If this cartoon were to be published today, there would be a lame attempt to work in a reference to the song “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp.” MORE »

• Katherine Harris pens blog post, incites flurry of pandering to Florida’s Cuban voters. [The Hill Blog]

• Ousted from Connecticut, Juan Liebermantienez to lead coup in Cuba. [The Satirical Political Report]
• Vanity Fair releases military tapes from 9/11, titles article as if it were a classic rock box set. [Vanity Fair]
• The Republican party of Oregon, apparently more racist than in other states. [Oregon Live]
• Expect one less mysterious “tax” on your phone bill as Congress closes books on Spanish American War. [News.com]
• Christians pray for stability in Iraq, so they can hurry up and start proselytizing. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Relive all the hot Texan backrub action at the G-8 with this new video game — fastest finger wins! [Addicting Games]