Tag Archives: oregon

  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Gay Oregon Bears Will Use Jeb Bush To Fight For Equality

First the digitally-added duck, now an owl.
Thursday’s Rachel Maddow Show kicked off with a salute to Oregon, whose politics are strange and whose wildlife is uppity. There’s the seemingly never-ending parade of weird in the state’s minority Republican Party: The party chair asked people to send him pee samples, and their 2014 Senate candidate, who ran her entire campaign against Obamacare, applied for a job running the state’s Obamacare program after she lost the election. Read more on Morning Maddow: Gay Oregon Bears Will Use Jeb Bush To Fight For Equality…
  don't bogart the vote

Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?

Our great nation is in danger of falling under the influence of Reefer Madness this Election Day, with weed-related ballot questions in three states plus that fake state the “District of Columbia.” America, what has gotten into you? It’s almost like rational adults started interpreting statistics that say marijuana is less dangerous than alcohol to mean that they should maybe try making pot not such a huge crime. Read more on Burning Issues: Is That Weed On Your Ballot?…
  Wonkette Guide to Electoral Shenanigans

Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day

  When it comes to threats against fair elections in America, voter fraud is the new Black Panthers. The way everyone’s talking about electoral integrity this fall, people must be fake-voting coast to coast! With the midterm elections coming up on Tuesday, it’s time to ask: Is voter fraud right for you? Read more on Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day…
  if that ain't love then tell me what is

Portland, Oregon, Come Get Your Sloe Gin Fizz, At Your Wonkette Drinky Thing

We don’t think Base Camp Brewing has sloe gin fizzes, but they claim to have a real purty patio, and nice people, and no Pabst. So come on, Portland, and let your Wonket buy you pitchers of beer and platters of fried things, this Saturday, Sept. 20, Base Camp Brewing, 930 SE Oak Street, Portland. Let us call it 6 p.m. to 10ish, because we are one thousand years old. Read more on Portland, Oregon, Come Get Your Sloe Gin Fizz, At Your Wonkette Drinky Thing…
  are you going to san francisco?

We’re Always Drunk In San Francisco: Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Great Northwest Great World Tour

classic wonker
Hey Wonkcats and kittens! A gentle reminder that we will be buying you drinks (or you will be buying us drinks? WHO CAN KNOW?) in San Francisco, this coming Thursday, just six little short days from today! Read more on We’re Always Drunk In San Francisco: Your Wonkette Drinky Thing Great Northwest Great World Tour…
  the cat came back

Disgraced Sex Furry And Ex-Congresscritter David Wu Still Haunts Halls Of Congress Like Sad Lost Soul

You guys probably remember the weird story of former Oregon Rep. David Wu, whose embarrassing departure from Congress Wonkette never mentioned because he’s a Democrat, right? In 2011, Wu was accused of an “unwanted sexual encounter” with a friend’s 18-year-old daughter, and resigned in disgrace, although ultimately no charges were brought. (Wu claimed the sex was consensual, like they all do.) So what’s he been up to since then? Buzzfeed’s Kate Nocera says he’s been wandering around Congress and DC like some former high school football player who can’t stop “dropping by” the old school three years after he was expelled. David Wu, don’t you know that the Matthew McConaughey character in Dazed & Confused is not a role model? Read more on Disgraced Sex Furry And Ex-Congresscritter David Wu Still Haunts Halls Of Congress Like Sad Lost Soul…
  supreme court rules sneeze guard must be removed

Portland Ice Cream Parlor Sells ‘Bortion-Flavored Ice Cream To Benefit Planned Parenthood

The Daily Caller advises us today that a Portland, Oregon, ice cream parlor offended the sensibilities of all good pearl-clutching citizens Thursday by holding a fundraiser for Planned Parenthood, and it even “created a new flavor of the frozen treat to mark the occasion.” Oh no! Now even ice cream has lost its innocence! The parlor, What’s the Scoop, donated 10% of all sales during a three-hour window to Planned Parenthood Advocates of Oregon, Planned Parenthood’s political arm, and featured the “exclusive, limited-edition ROSE CITY REVOLUTION flavor,” according to PPAO’s Facebook page. Rose City is one of Portland, Oregon’s nicknames. That seems pretty mild, really. No Fetus Crunch? No Devil’s Food & Chocolate D&C? Not even a George Tiller Chiller? Seems pretty wimpy to us. But no matter. Whatever the flavor, it’s the amniotic fluid on top that gives it that special kick. Read more on Portland Ice Cream Parlor Sells ‘Bortion-Flavored Ice Cream To Benefit Planned Parenthood…
  she's not going to be ignored

Republican Senate Candidate Lady Will Just Stalk You Until You Vote For Her, Probably

A few Tuesdays ago, a super-cool lady named Dr. Monica Wehby won the Republican nomination for Senate in Oregon and is up against an incumbent Dem, Senator Jeff Merkley. You’d think she would have been a less-than-ideal choice, given that she’s facing allegations of stalking an ex-boyfriend and harassing an ex-husband. Haha who are we kidding. Like those things matter to the GOP. In fact, Wehby is doubling down on the whole thing and explaining that her stalking and harassing show a strength of character and oh dear god we love this woman so much already because we are gonna write about her forfuckingever. Read more on Republican Senate Candidate Lady Will Just Stalk You Until You Vote For Her, Probably…
  oh no it's kittens

Another Day, Another School Shooting

Well, we’ve got the cute animals up, so you know something horrible has happened: A gunman and one student are dead in a shooting at Reynolds High School in Troutdale, Oregon — about 15 miles east of Portland — on the next-to-last day of the school year. Details still coming out, but brace yourself for the usual drill: this was the inevitable result of taking God out of the schools, liberal teachers, the lack of enough guns in the hands of Good Guys, the usual. Just remember, guns are not the problem. Guns are not the problem. Guns are not the problem. Read more on Another Day, Another School Shooting…
  stupor tuesday

A Children’s Treasury Of Primary Election Results. Neither Crazy Idaho Guy Won :(

In the closest thing to a “Super Tuesday” in this off-year election, a whole bunch of Tea Party candidates did worse than expected against “mainstream” Republicans who had better funding and who all sound like teabaggers now anyway. The biggest win of the night was less of a surprise now than it might have been a couple months back: Senate Minority Leader Mitch “Lord Terrapin” McConnell easily won his Kentucky Senate primary against Louisville businessman and chicken-boxing enthusiast Matt “B’kaww!” Bevin. Looks like institutional money and power are everything they’re cracked up to be. McConnell will face Democrat Alison Lundergan Grimes in November, and in his victory speech charmingly suggested that she is not a real Kentucky candidate, but a big Fakey McFakerton who will cram Obamacare down your throat, warning, “The people who handpicked my opponent are not on your side.” And so the Charm Offensive begins. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Primary Election Results. Neither Crazy Idaho Guy Won :(…
  rain-soaked nice time

Oregon Catches Up With Progressive Trendsetters Idaho & Arkansas, Legalizes Gay Marriage

Another day, another state gets gay marriage. This time, it’s Oregon, where U.S. District Judge Michael McShane overturned the state’s law against same-sex marriage, ruling it unconstitutional. McShane ordered the ruling go into effect immediately, and the first ceremonies have already taken place. And unlike in several other states in marriage equality cases, Oregon state officials will not appeal the decision — state Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum announced in February that there was “no rational basis” to defend the 2004 anti-gay-marriage law. Read more on Oregon Catches Up With Progressive Trendsetters Idaho & Arkansas, Legalizes Gay Marriage…
  who are you? who-who-who-who?

Mean Oregon Reporters Don’t Know Their Place, Fail To Treat Joke Candidate Seriously Enough

We don’t have a single problem at all with the conduct of the reporters at this endorsement meeting held by the Willamette Week. They asked the candidates running for the Republican Senate nomination to attend a group interview; about an hour in, one of the candidates, Joe Rae Perkins, was giving a very long answer over a phone line, and reporter Nigel Jaquiss apparently was tired of it — he started writing “blah blah blah blah” in his notebook. Another candidate, Mark Callahan, saw this, and decided to be chivalrous, standing up for Perkins and her constitutional right to have every single word carefully transcribed by each reporter in the room, which is what the First Amendment is all about, after all. It’s right in there next to the part about how no one on TV can lose their job just for expressing their personal opinion. Read more on Mean Oregon Reporters Don’t Know Their Place, Fail To Treat Joke Candidate Seriously Enough…
  clipbait

John Oliver’s New HBO Show Punches Hippies, Hipsters, Obamacare (Video)

John Oliver’s new HBO show, Last Week Tonight With John Oliver, premiered Sunday on that premium channel that we don’t subscribe to, and here is a clip from it! We are rather inclined to love Mr. Oliver, and here he is in fine form with a rant about Oregon’s completely broken ACA website, which the state finally euthanized last week. As part of the $250 million the state sank into a website that enrolled nobody on the exchange, there was some $3 million for advertisements, some of which were, as Oliver accurately describes them, “violently adorable.” Read more on John Oliver’s New HBO Show Punches Hippies, Hipsters, Obamacare (Video)…
  electricity is the debbil!

Dear Oregon, Please Stop Burning Aborted Babbies To Generate Your Communist Electricity

What has the Stupidest Man on the Internet, Jim Hoft, got for us today? Besides all the other things he has for us today? WHAT DOESN’T HE HAVE! (Besides our $3150. #paythefuckup.) Take, for instance, this masterpiece, “SHOCK REPORT: Oregon Energy Plant Burns Aborted Babies to Generate Electricity,” in which a bunch of communists are going around burning aborted babies to generate electricity, just like the headline says! Read more on Dear Oregon, Please Stop Burning Aborted Babbies To Generate Your Communist Electricity…
  news aggre-gator

It’s Another Oregon Meth-Bust Alligator Story!

What is it about Drugs-N-Gators? What compels so many people with drugs to also have a member of Alligator mississipiensis on hand? Is it because gators are tough? Or useful in protecting one’s stash, as in the classic example of the drug gator genre? Or are there just more people with drugs and people with alligators than we had currently given any thought to, and so it shouldn’t be surprising when the two sets intersect? It is a mystery, and while we’re not all that surprised by weird alligator stories from Florida, it seems there’s no shortage of alligators in the Pacific Northwest, at least among the criminal set. Which brings us to this headline from our local CBS affiliate: Sheriff: 8 arrested with guns, drugs and an alligator. Admittedly, it’s no “Oregon man on meth fights off 12 cops while masturbating in bar,” which is why it doesn’t get the Gnome Vomiting Rainbows pic. But ’tis enough, ’twill serve. Read more on It’s Another Oregon Meth-Bust Alligator Story!…