Tag Archives: oregon

  Cakes We Don't Like

Gay-Hatin’ Oregon Bakers Send Love Cakes To Homos, Tell Them They’re Going To Hell

The Love is a Lie
It’s a beautiful gesture of love, accompanied by a really bad movie You probably remember the sad story of Aaron and Melissa Klein, the Oregon bakers who refused to bake a penis cake for a lesbian wedding a couple of years back, then were forced to close their bakery by the state of Oregon Free Market, and were eventually told to pay $135,000 in damages to the couple for believing in God breaking the state’s anti-discrimination laws (way to create a martyr, there, Oregon). All because they didn’t want to compromise their God-given right to refuse to put flour, sugar, and eggs in a bowl for people who do sex things in a non-God-approved manner! Happily, the Kleins are somehow getting by — helped by roughly a half-million dollars in donations from fellow bigots — and last week sent out a bunch of cakes to ten LGBT organizations to let them know that the Kleins don’t hate gays — they love them and don’t want them to go to Hell. Look at this beautiful cake o’love! Read more on Gay-Hatin’ Oregon Bakers Send Love Cakes To Homos, Tell Them They’re Going To Hell…
  Christian martyrs

Gay-Hating Oregon Bakers Real Tired Of Getting Concentration Camped By Hitler

Ready for another dumb Hitler analogy, because this is the week where we do those? Let’s get reacquainted with Aaron and Melissa Klein, who decided to be martyrs just like Jesus, by refusing to make a cake for a lesbian wedding. Then they lost their bakery, because they are twats, and then Satan personally attacked them by canceling their GoFundMe, which they planned to use to pay the fine they owed the state of Oregon, for the crime of being twats. This was obviously more persecution, because it says right there in the book of Romans that all good Christians are entitled to a GoFundMe. Read more on Gay-Hating Oregon Bakers Real Tired Of Getting Concentration Camped By Hitler…
  You're fucked too Portland

Seattle To Be Destroyed By Biggest Earthquake Ever, Bye Seattle!

The comments section at Gawker?
OK, Portland and Seattle Wonkers, this is a public service announcement. We are going to need you to find buddies in the comments section (which does not exist), and beg them to let you crash on their couch, because you guys are going to have a REALLY BIG EARTHQUAKE. Yeah, maybe you already knew that, but the rest of America is finding out now, thanks to a fascinating long-read in The New Yorker on what may end up being the biggest natural disaster in U.S. American history. This isn’t some wussy San Andreas Fault 7-point whatever business, this is more along the lines of the 2011 quake in Tōhoku, Japan, which registered 9.0 on the Richter scale and triggered the tsunami that triggered the Fukushima nuclear reactor meltdowns. This is big shit. Read more on Seattle To Be Destroyed By Biggest Earthquake Ever, Bye Seattle!…
  Drink Too Much And Laugh Too Loud

Confederate Flag Suddenly More Hated Than Donald Trump, Pubic Lice

Don't know our ass from a hole in the ground
So how about that Confederate flag? Now that it has a negative association for the first time ever, seems like everybody has decided to jump off the Confederate bandwagon, except of course for the diehard morons, of whom there are quite a few. Within hours of Gov. Nikki Haley’s call to remove the Confederate flag from the South Carolina Statehouse, a whole bunch of other Republicans suddenly realized they had permission to get rid of the goddamned thing, too. Mitt Romney actually did something good in his life! The next domino fell Monday night, when Mississippi’s Speaker of the House of Representatives, Philip Gunn, said it was time to remove the Confederate flag emblem from the state’s flag, too. Read more on Confederate Flag Suddenly More Hated Than Donald Trump, Pubic Lice…
  they took an oaf

Oregon ‘Oath Keepers’ Declare Victory Over Federal Jackbooted Thugs, Go Home

Flawless Victory!
Back in April, a whole bunch of excitable folks with rifles and Gadsden flags started converging on Josephine County in southwest Oregon to protect a small gold mining operation from the tyranny of an out-of-control Federal Gobvernment bent on trampling individual rights beneath the jackbooted heels of oppression. Or, in sane-people terms, the Bureau of Land Management had sent the guys who owned the mining claim a letter telling them to stop development of the mine, because the BLM contended that surface rights to the parcel of land belonged to the federal government, not the miners. The letter sent one of the mine’s two owners, Rick Barclay, into a panic, because he was sure the Feds would show up at any moment and burn down the cabin and other buildings on the mining site, the way the Feds always do, and so Barclay asked the local chapter of the paramilitary anti-government group Oath Keepers for help, and pretty soon self-proclaimed “Constitutional Activists” from all over the country were streaming into Oregon, ready for an armed standoff with Federal Jackboots and maybe, this time at last, a real start to the Second American Revolution. Read more on Oregon ‘Oath Keepers’ Declare Victory Over Federal Jackbooted Thugs, Go Home…
  the devil made me do it

Gay-Hating Oregon Cake Bakers: Satan Cancelled Our GoFundMe! (No, Not Kidding)

True fact. And she loved cake.
So, these fuckers, you might remember them. Aaron and Melissa Klein had a business in Gresham, Oregon, called “Sweet Cakes By Melissa,” which was a purveyor of sweet cakes, obviously, and is definitely not a veiled reference to Melissa’s piping hot rack. And of course, they have Beliefs. Very, very important Christian beliefs, the kind which are Sincerely Held, and are centered around hating gays. So, same old story, a gay couple wanted a cake for their wedding, gross bigots refused to bake cake, etc. Complaints were filed with Oregon’s Bureau of Labor and Industries (BOLI), and after a couple of years of litigation, they ruled last week that the Kleins were GUILTY AS CHARGED under Oregon’s nondiscrimination laws: Read more on Gay-Hating Oregon Cake Bakers: Satan Cancelled Our GoFundMe! (No, Not Kidding)…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: You Sheepy Sheeple Are Such Sheep!

To The Management: Please correct this image. I would never use Courier. On second thought, never mind. You'd just replace it with Comic Sans.
We have a Very Special Men And Women of Few Words edition of Dear ShitFerBrains for you today, because due to some odd alignment of the planets this week, we didn’t receive a single long, painful screed that ranged over everything from Benghazi to water fluoridation. Just a lot of staccato bursts of derp. And so the question must be asked: Is our trolls learning? Hahahaha, who are we kidding, of course not (As always, all spelling, spacing, and punctuation is reproduced verbatim). Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: You Sheepy Sheeple Are Such Sheep!…
  The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight

‘Oath Keepers’ Will Help You Do Armed Standoff With Feds, Whether You Want It Or Not

Exactly the same thing! Except for the nobody-gunned-down-by-redcoats part.
Oh goody, militia flakes and “Oath Keepers” are freaking out about the Bureau of Land Management doing tyranny all over an innocent landowner again, and they’re mobilizing Internet Commandos to load up the Suburban with guns and head to Oregon to defend a plucky Patriot from the Illegal Usurpations of an Out-of-Control Federal Government!! (All the exclamation points)! There aren’t any cows this time, but there’s a gold mine. Unfortunately, this time around, it looks like cooler heads may prevail, and where’s the fun (or long-overdue New American Revolution) in that? Read more on ‘Oath Keepers’ Will Help You Do Armed Standoff With Feds, Whether You Want It Or Not…
  Weird Even For Idaho

Hero Idaho Lady Wants To Keep Government Out Of Whether Your Kid Dies

Or the occasional death, as long as God's cool with it
Meet Idaho state Rep. Christy Perry, who is Very Pro-Life, and whose website visually suggests that “guns” just might be her middle name. She’s also very big on religious freedom. Including, it turns out, the absolute right to let your children die if you think God doesn’t want them to go to a doctor. And that’s why she opposes a bill that would limit Idaho’s religious exemption from the state’s laws on child neglect. Congratulations, Rep. Perry! We think you may have actually out-looned your colleague Vito Barbieri, who has no idea where a vagina is. Read more on Hero Idaho Lady Wants To Keep Government Out Of Whether Your Kid Dies…
  Think Global Act Loco

Resigning Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber Gonna Go To So Much Jail Maybe (Because He’s A Democrat)

He still looks nice on Facebook, though
Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber may be resigning effective Wednesday, unless he changes his mind again, but he and his fiancée, Cylvia Hayes, still have a big ol’ pile of legal problems. Both the state and now a federal grand jury are investigating the two for all sorts of possible corruption, ranging from the state’s clean energy policies to a proposal for a new coal terminal at a port. For one thing, maybe they’ll figure out how those things go together. The feds subpoenaed a broad range of state records from the state on Friday, not long after Kitzhaber announced his resignation. Read more on Resigning Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber Gonna Go To So Much Jail Maybe (Because He’s A Democrat)…
  All 'Guess He's Ore-GONE' Comments Will Be Deleted

Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber, Vowing To Never Give Up, Never Surrender, Resigns

What good is influence if you can't peddle it?
Well, this is completely unanticipated! Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber has resigned, just days after announcing that no way in the world was he going to resign, which of course was obvious code for “Yeah, call U-Haul and reserve a truck for this weekend.” He was sworn in for his fourth term as governor just a month and a day ago. Read more on Oregon Gov. Kitzhaber, Vowing To Never Give Up, Never Surrender, Resigns…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Oregon Governor Definitely Resigning Or Maybe Not, Who Knows?

Rachel's WTF? muscles really get a workout in this segment
Rachel Maddow takes on the increasingly strange story of Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber, who has reached a crisis point in the continuing scandal over the shady financial dealings of his fiancée, Cylvia Hayes, who is under investigation for alleged pay-to-play deals with companies doing business with the state. Virtually all the top elected officials in the state, Democrats like Kitzhaber, have called for him to resign. Tuesday saw a bizarre cross-country odyssey by Secretary of State Kate Brown, whom Kitzhaber called to come back from chairing a meeting in Washington DC, to meet with him. Very Urgent. And then he seemed surprised when she walked into his office. He told her he was definitely not resigning, and then said they should probably discuss the transition from his administration to her becoming governor if he does. Which he said he wouldn’t. Read more on Morning Maddow: Oregon Governor Definitely Resigning Or Maybe Not, Who Knows?…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)

Oh, those fabulous Bushes
Rachel Maddow loves the Bush family almost as much as we do. Especially their talent for putting their foot in it, as President George H.W. Bush did when he seemed amazed by a supermarket scanner during his 1992 reelection campaign. Supposedly, he was amazed not by the scanner itself, but by its advanced features, like being able to read torn labels, but mostly, she says, it just looked like he was unfamiliar with the “fundamental basics of peasant life, like how you pay for stuff at the store.” Read more on Morning Maddow: Jeb Bush’s Website Violates Everybody’s Privacy, Oops (Video)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Brian Williams Gets Six Months, Jon Stewart Gets Life (Video)

Whaaat?
Tuesday night was just one big bucket of breaking media news, what with NBC news anchor Brian Williams getting suspended without pay for six months, effective immediately, and Jon Stewart announcing that he is leaving the Daily Show forever, effective eventually. Brian Williams has got to be feeling pretty darn lucky about the timing — Maddow leads with his suspension, of course, but what people will be talking about is Stewart’s departure. In fact, following her own show, Maddow went over to Lawrence O’Donnell’s studio and sat in on the panel discussing the changes — the Williams announcement got five or ten minutes, and the Stewart news took up the rest of the program. Read more on Morning Maddow: Brian Williams Gets Six Months, Jon Stewart Gets Life (Video)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Meet The Techie Bears Who’ve Been Trolling Jeb Bush With Equality

Rachel bursts into song
Rachel Maddow brought us some updates Monday to her story last week about the serious outbreak of weird in Oregon. First, as she’d hoped, Rachel scored an interview with C.J. Phillips and Charlie Rainwater, a Portland couple who describe themselves as “high-tech bears,” and they tell her all about their plans for the website JebBushForPresident.com, which is not actually promoting the former Florida governor’s candidacy, but rather, invites gay and straight Americans to “have a chat, share viewpoints, maybe realize that the person you felt you could never have anything in common with is actually dealing with exactly the same issues.” They’re ridiculously sweet guys. And while the domain name isn’t for sale, they do have a backup, just in case: CJandCharlieForPresident.com. Read more on Morning Maddow: Meet The Techie Bears Who’ve Been Trolling Jeb Bush With Equality…