Wonkette

Hey gents! Have you ever been hanging out with a dude friend and gone to sleep and then woken up with your sex organ in your dude friend’s mouth? Pretty freaky, right? Well, that is exactly what happened to this one guy who was hanging out with Glenn Murphy Jr., the former head of Indiana’s Clark County Republican Party and chairman of the Young Republican National Federation. So Glenn Murphy Jr.’s victim sued him, and now he has to go to prison for two years and then register as a sex offender forever. MORE »

Hey Minnesota, would you like to learn more about “oral-anal sex”? Just answer the phone! Chances are you’ll eventually be on the receiving end of a bizarre robo-call from the Minnesota Family Council that warns people against buttsecks, rimming, and other horrors. Apparently the liberals want to give your children hands-on demonstrations of biblically forbidden acts, in school, using fetal pigs and Thai hookers. MORE »

And here is the $150 hooker that polished the knob of Sen. Debbie “Stab Me Now” Stabenow’s husband “near” Big Beaver, in Michigan. Her name is Alycia Lorraine Martin (always three names with these gals!), and her MySpace page features these combinations of letters: “**If you cant handel me at my worst, den you dont deserve me at muh best** Life too short for sadness alwayz smile its worth it no matter wut! BELEIVE IT!! ..” Hmm. She appears to be speaking Mexican. Translation, anyone? [The Smoking Gun]

* Reliable Source: Jessica Simpson is visiting Capitol Hill next week. [WP]
* Inside the Beltway: Clarence Thomas invoked no laughter during the last Supreme Court term. [WT]
* Page Six: Blind item: “Which gorgeous, auburn-haired network news reporter was caught in the act with a married assignment editor? Seems they ducked into the office of a reporter they thought was out of town, but the other reporter suddenly opened the door and found her colleague giving the boss oral sex. The official story is they were just ‘talking.’”. . . Tomorrow night’s Gridiron Club will bridge partisan divide with humor. [NYP]
* Cindy Adams: Barbara Bush’s former press secretary and close friend of Condoleezza Rice, Michael Ovitz, plans to write a book. . . Two endings were made for “Thank You For Smoking.” [NYP]