* Rudy for prez: because he will never put a de-clawed ferret into his ass. [Horse's Mouth]
* Hillary changes private jets more often than you change underwear, even has the days sewn in them like you. [NYP]
* “The only thing that can save this country is a military coup.” [NRO]
* Oprah gets on the Barry Hussein train. [Newsmax]
* Military took away the porn and now goes for the blogs. Way fight for fascism, fuckers. [Wired]
* The Speaker of the Palestinian Legislative Council would like to reiterate his point in case anyone is unsure: Death to America. [Jerusalem Post]
* Bill O’Reilly insults someone every 6.8 seconds. [Romenesko]

• In the list of Senators voting for the “torture bill,” one of the kids just doesn’t belong. [Lawyers, Guns, and Money]

• Waterboarding: less similar to wakeboarding than you thought. [David Corn]
• Thinking about Iraq makes Trent Lott’s brain hurt, doesn’t do it much. [Think Progress]
• Weedy Wonka gets busted in Oakland. [Hit & Run]
• Which means seminary students will be forced to actually smoke tobacco out of their “water pipes” this weekend. [Slice of Laodicea]
• Condoleezza Rice wants Oprah to know that only a woman can really satisfy a woman — but if she’s not down then some Canadian dude will do. [Gawker]
• George Allen biographer has hard time admitting she backed the wrong the horse. Garrett Graff nervously shuffles his feet. [Galleycat]

• Oprah’s not running, gives Larry King her “O-face” tonight, wants Obama in ‘08. [The Swamp]

• Pervez “Perv” Musharraf to announce on The Daily Show tonight that’d he’d gladly give up his nuclear arsenal to get in “the sheets with Angelina Jolie.” [The Corsair]
• White House plans to declassify National Intelligence Estimate, but just that part that says, “we’re safer, bitches.” [Shakespeare's Sister]
• George Allen’s two favorite words on display together at the Zoo. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Vote for Montana Senate candidate Jon Tester because he’s a hunka hot man, also because he’s not Conrad Burns. [Boozhy]
• Trendsetter Hugo Chavez inspires Jerry Falwell to return to his roots making sure we all know who the devil really is. [Think Progress]
• The counter-terrorism plan Bill Clinton claims he left in place? It had to be scrapped because the ninja’s inability to get security-clearances after 9/11. [IMAO]
• Bloggers invited to the Coburn-Obama signing! Luckily, not us.[TPMMuckraker]

An Atrios guest-blogger posts something rather insensitive about a 9/11 American Airlines ticket agent killing herself due to guilt. It becomes a minor left-blogdom in-fight (and wins one of Andrew Sullivan’s patented “not funny anymore” awards). The source: an Oprah repeat. The problem: there’s not actually any proof that this ever happened.

Our own half-assed investigation, after the jump.

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This week’s Sunday shows were best viewed with 20/20 hindsight.

Top topics: Dubai ports deal (dead) and the Southern Republican Leadership Conference straw poll (meaningless). This was leavened with some talk of Iraq and a single, lonely reference to Saturday’s Gridiron show.

Quotes to live by:
• Chris Wallaces curses us out: “Do the Democrats have — pardon the expression — a Newt Gingrich?”
• Bill Kristol also has the first Arctic Monkeys seven-inch: “I liked McCain before it was cool for conservatives to like McCain.”
• Everyone (except surprise mystery guest Joe Biden) avoids saying they’re running for President, though Huckabee does announce for 2016.
• Hospice-bound Art Buchwald stays wry: “I believe in God, but I’m not too certain that the people who are telling me that ‘it’s God’s will’ are the people I want to be listening to.”

Full rundown after the jump.

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The Daily Briefing is on vacation. MORE »