Now that Dick Cheney has been literally wheeled out of Washington on a stretcher, who will we blurrily photograph molesting young maidens in distress? That is a question that only you, the reader, can answer. Send us your sightings/sexy candid camera-phone pics of vaguely famous people misbehaving around town for our famous and sporadically produced feature, “Wonk’d.” A handful of Wonkette readers recently spotted DC celebs in such unlikely places as the gym, and in “makeup trailers” (!). After the jump, sightings of a couple of news people and also a Weeds star and maybe even President Oprah Winfrey herself, eating her feelings at Starbucks later today! MORE »

Oddly enough, this is how we conclude grace around the Wonkette “dinner table” (i.e. oil drum full of burning trash). Thanks to operative Jack for sending along this lovely photo from yesterday’s festivities, where Oprah Winfrey was appointed Permanent Empress of Earth.

We have some epic Crazy right here. This is the “anti-Wright,” Rev. James Manning, famous for calling Obama a “mac daddy” and a “pimp” in a variety of highly comical YouTubes. In this one he describes the Trinity of Hell: Oprah Winfrey (a “struggling actor and radio talk show host” and “suspected lesbian”), Rev. Jeremiah Wright (”a closet homosexual”), and Barack Hussein Obama (also “a closet homosexual” and “a long-legged pimp”). Why did Barry stay in the church for 20 years, Rev. Manning? Well, you can probably guess his answer. [YouTube]

Just a few months ago, Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey were such great friends that rumors flew about their torrid lesbian affair. But now that Barack needs Oprah to reel in the votes of bitter Indiana housewives, Oprah’s suddenly so busy that, according to one media analyst, “it might be easier to rearrange George Bush’s schedule than Oprah Winfrey’s schedule.” Is Oprah really busier than America’s laziest president, or are more sinister forces at play? MORE »

Thanks to her support for Barack Obama, Oprah Winfrey is now one of the most reviled women in America. In her presidential endorsement the once-beloved talk show host chose race over gender, thus earning the scorn of millions of old white women who had never before suspected their favorite billionaire media baroness was of the Negro persuasion. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, Oprah’s popularity has eroded considerably. MORE »

Oprah Winfrey’s endorsement of Barack Obama was supposed to create a permanent coalition between white women who watch daytime teevee and half-Kenyan Harvard Law Review editors. Instead, Oprah’s nutty fans have switched from the television to the Internet, where they’re all leaving terrible messages on Oprah’s own official website message board.

“For the first time in history we actually have a shot at putting a woman in the White House and Oprah backs the black MAN,” some angry lady commented. “She’s choosing her race over her gender.” MORE »

Famous television star and overweight comedian Roseanne Barr launched a tirade on her BLOG (haha!) this week against Obama staffer Oprah Winfrey. Among other things, she called Oprah a “closeted republican,” then she made a sandwich because she’s fat, then she continued making fun of Oprah. MORE »

Apparently the Huffington Post bloggers saw a totally different Barack Obama speech last night — you know, one that wasn’t just some rich good-looking lawyer repeating the empty word “hope” like Rudy saying “9/11.” Here’s a sampling of the inspirational, pompous nonsense that is our substitute for actual insight in this goddamned country: MORE »

So, if Oprah’s message boards (and the two South Carolinian women interviewed who couldn’t be more Republican if they tried) are any indication, her white and probably Republican fans are, like, sooo upset to discover that Oprah is possibly not exactly like them! Some of them might even stop watching her show and stuff because she’s backing Barack Obama and is, like, talking about black people stuff. Oprah’s response? “It’s good to vent.” Hell yeah it is!

HuffPo Blogger Bonnie Fuller, also known as the executive vice president and chief editorial director of American Media, Inc., has scientifically and definitively determined that Oprah will make Obama unelectable. She did this, of course, by conducting an online poll of the readers of Starmagazine.com, that bastion of thoughtful political reporting.

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Sean Penn is expected to formally endorsed Dennis Kucinich at a press conference at San Francisco State University today, joinging the ranks of Larry Flynt and Shirley MacLaine. But whatever may happen or not happen there, it might be totally eclipsed by the actor/director’s latest rant: “It’s been an odd week,” Penn wrote in today on HuffPo. “For me, a particularly odd week. But that’s another story. So, wait a minute. Iran DOESN’T have nuclear weapon capability??? So, who are we gonna bomb? I want to bomb somebody!” Hey, me too!

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