Wonkette

How the hell is Mike Huckabee doing these days? Well, he’s thirsty, and he’s still running for President of Jesus, and to finance both of these things he delivered a paid speech in the Cayman Islands — where the Fat Cats hide their money — this weekend. Wonkette operative “Mikey G.” happened to spot Huckabee at Miami Airport on Sunday, presumably when our heroic candidate was returning from his Island holiday. Huckabee, of course, was very alone, and no one knew who he was. MORE »

Uh oh, it looks like last-minute emcee Chris “Chinese Bus” Matthews had some problems at last night’s Washington Press Club Foundation dinner. He was trying to talk, but everyone kept talking over him. Alas, he now knows what it’s like to be a guest on Hardball. A Wonkette operative tells the story, after the jump! MORE »

While Hillary Clinton’s youth and virility make the college kids swoon during campus visits, grumpy, senile daughter Chelsea Clinton — the oldest person on earth — doesn’t possess her mom’s hippie prowess. We have empirical evidence! A Wonkette “student” operative found Chelsea on the University of Nebraska campus today. “I think she was lost,” the operative — who is a total stitch — says. Check out how she invigorated that very youthful demographic: MORE »

Bangladesh Operative: hey, so the government just turned the internet and cell phones back on after like two days!
Alex: hahahahahaha wow
Op: nobody’s covering the internet being off, you could be the first to break the story….
Alex: haha ok
why did they turn the internet off??
ppl wasting too much time on youtube?
Op: because there’s rioting like everywhere!!
people are pissed!!!
Alex: you guys ok? no cars overturned on you or anything?
Op: no, we went and checked it out yesterday and like all the windows of the shops on our streets were broken, and there was a bonfire going in the road
so we went back inside
Alex: wow MORE »

Attention DC residents: Wednesday nights at Oya are so hot right now. Here’s an email from an operative to help explain:

So, um, I was at Oya last night for some celebratory drinks with some friends and we were treated to an incredible show: A middle-aged well-dressed man and his much younger brunette companion engaged in what appeared to be sex in the corner of one of the side-rooms. She was full on straddling him, the tops of her nylons showing, and there was a, um, noticeable rhythm going on there, as well as some pretty blatant zipper action.

The rest of the story and a little detective work, after the jump.

MORE »

As if it wasn’t bad enough that his Saturday night inaugural ball had a cash bar, recently sworn-in DC mayor Adrian Fenty rubbed insult into injury by inviting everyone in Washington and then only letting a couple thousand in to the Convention Center. Wonkette’s weekend inbox filled up with Blackberried complaints from DC denizens stuck outside in the merciless 60-degree January weather.

While the Washington Times makes it sound like an enjoyable time was had by all, embedded Wonkette operatives tell a different tale:

Subject: Fenty’s Balls

The fire marshall has lblocked thousands of ticket holding dc residents from going in. While standing in line for about an hour they let 300 members of the mayor’s family in through the side. They were in the vip reception and apparently don’t count in fire marshall math.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

More complaints and pictures, after the jump.

MORE »

An anonymous Wonkette Operative (Covert Free Booze Division) attended one of the ten zillion holiday parties going on this week, and was kind enough to send us this report.

Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher and the New Democratic Coalition held their Holiday Party last night at Ellen’s swanky pad (which I’m assuming was paid for with her Wall Street bucks and not her Congressional salary). In an unsurprising development, the place was packed with corporate lobbyists and their hired guns there to pay homage to some of the Democrats who might listen (and to the ones that taken their money).

MORE »

In the wake of FoleyGate, news organizations across the country are racing to score an exclusive interview with the disgraced former Congressman. Wonkette Operative Anthony Easton was almost the first, as this AIM transcript reveals:

operative (6:57:19 AM): hello
“maf54″ signed off at 6:57:28 AM.
operative (6:57:19 AM): hello
“maf54″ signed off at 6:57:28 AM.
operative (7:03:03 AM): hello
operative (7:04:38 AM): is this Rep. Foley?
operative (7:05:33 AM): im not a journalist, dont work for anyone
who would get you in trouble, im just curious to what happened
“maf54″ signed off at 7:05:49 AM.

The rest of the conversation is after the jump.

MORE »

Wonkette operative reports: DNC karaoke in full effect, Howard Dean apparently not paying his bills: MORE »

Ever since Katherine Harris taught us about the power of God, we’ve been praying and praying for a picture of the now infamous “Kitty Face Cake.”

And tonight, a Wonkette operative has kindly provided photographic evidence of Florida’s new favorite dessert. (So long, Key Lime Pie! Adios, Arroz con Leche!)

More food pictures from Harris’ primary victory party, after the jump.

MORE »

After Katherine Harris’ primary victory yesterday, newspapers reported the existence of a cake decorated with her picture. As if that weren’t enough, we learn today that the cake was, in fact, a voodoo talisman imbued with her very soul, and its presence was the key to her landslide victory.

As the evening wore on, hungry volunteers and supporters started eating away at the cake. But as they cut, they assiduously avoid touching any part of Harris’ face. The cake got smaller and smaller, but no one touched the face, worried, perhaps, that they would release some kind of bad mojo on the candidate.

By the end of the night, all that was left was the frosting portrait of Harris.

We can’t believe we don’t have a picture of this cake yet. We think it might be on the table in the photo above, but there’s just no way to be sure.

After the jump, another gratuitous picture (sent in by another anonymous operative) of Katherine Harris at her victory party.

Cut the Cake [Central Florida Political Pulse]

MORE »

If you squint, you can see the President. He’s the one in the bear suit.

A super top secret Wonkette Operative infiltrated today’s White House tee-ball game, and sent back these exclusive pictures. More of them are after the jump. The op says no one won. We call bullshit.

It looks like a fun time was had by all, except the guy in the fucking bear suit in this fucking weather.

MORE »

wonkette: OMG I AM WATCHING MICHELLE MALKIN’S INTERNET VIDEOS FOR THE FIRST TIME
operative: she has internet videos?
operative: does she do the thing with the ping-pong balls?*
wonkette: SHE HAS A WHOLE FUCKING INTERNET VIDEO NETWORK THIS SHIT IS BANANAS
wonkette: OMG THE “POMP AND CIRCUMSTANCE” MIDI!@
operative: they have a fucking MIDI?
wonkette: DON’T SMOKE HEMP!
wonkette: IMMIGRANTS!
operative: Does she call Arianna an ignorant slut?
wonkette: GET A REAL JOB
wonkette: SHE SAID “GET A REAL JOB”
operative: AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!111111111111
operative: BECAUSE PEOPLE SHOULD GET REAL JOBS!
operative: ON THE INTERNET!!!!!!!!
wonkette: SHE IS A PROFESSIONAL INTERNET PUNDIT AND NOW SHE’S TELLING WHO EXACTLY TO GET A REAL JOB?
operative: I think she’s referring to the Unabomber
wonkette: i think i envy the unabomber for probably not knowing who michelle malkin is.
operative: plus, he’s got a great haircut
wonkette: also: less scary MORE »