Tag Archives: operatives

  funny pictures

Tripping Death Monster Asks Vague Question, In Iowa

Wonkette zombie sex operative “Karen N.” of Iowa City, Iowa, sends us this filthy picture she took yesterday — “Sorry for sending you this eye candy a little late. We were drinking.” — during Obama’s “We passed health care but here’s a rally anyway” thing. This fellow wants to know what Obama did with his autonomy. Don’t worry, friend! Flip your poster back to the side with the shrooms. That’s where your autonomy is. Read more on Tripping Death Monster Asks Vague Question, In Iowa…
  this is no way to treat lobbyists

Free Cereal Money Abandoned Downtown

Wonkette trash-eating operative “Jeff” sends this curious lunch-break picture and writes, “It’s a $25,000 check from General Mills to the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute sitting [outside] a garbage can on 17th and K Streets.” This “Jeff” STUPIDLY did not take it, so it may be still there! Just take it to the bank and they’ll cash it, in Ameros. Read more on Free Cereal Money Abandoned Downtown…
  release the hounds

Socialist Commies Protest Bunning’s Kentucky Office

This brings back old memories, doesn’t it, from the era when American reality was even barely tethered to Planet Earth: hollow, cranky, lame-duck Sen. Jim Bunning, out of age-related bitterness, allows vital social services to expire and thousands of workers to take multi-day furloughs in the middle of a Great Depression, and people get upset about this and decide to protest his office in Kentucky! A rational protest, people! Read more on Socialist Commies Protest Bunning’s Kentucky Office…
  hot cock at cpac

Janet Napolitano Is Fat At CPAC!

Paultards dress up as Janet Napolitano, at CPAC! She is “Big Sis” because she runs the catch-all bureaucracy no one has ever given a shit about and which has no power, or resources. In other words: “Sumo” would be apt, because she may be fat, maybe. [Photo via Garrett Quinn] Read more on Janet Napolitano Is Fat At CPAC!…
  in his pants

Scott Brown’s Truck Found Where It Logically Should Be!

Look, a local human was walking by the Russell office building parking lot just yesterday and OH SHIT IT’S SCOTT BROWN’S TRUCK, where he banged Simon Cowell and won the presidency of Massachusetts by beating J. F. Kennedy 100-0 in the snow. He still drives this truck to his new job! Five more authenticity points to this naked monster. Do we still have to wait until 2012 to make him American president? [Second Rain] Read more on Scott Brown’s Truck Found Where It Logically Should Be!…
  the world is literally her oyster

Sarah Palin Has A Magazine In New York City, Too

Wonkette waiting room reading material operative “Chris C.” sends this picture of some Sarah Palin magazine he saw, right above the latest Scott Brown (?) nudie mag, at “a real grocery store, in God-Hating Penisville, aka nyc’s Greenwich Village.” The simplistic cover suggests that it’s a version of Going Rogue for third-graders. Oh wait, a version of Going Rogue for third-graders is just the regular Going Rogue. So it’s probably a phone card or something… OH LOOK COCKTAIL HOUR have a good weekend! Read more on Sarah Palin Has A Magazine In New York City, Too…
  polling pixxx

SEND SEXY ELECTION DAY PICS TO YOUR WONKETTE, YOU “MASSHOLES”: Considering how gay and Maoist you people are, a sizable chunk of you probably live in Massachusetts, the site of today’s exciting political election between a poorly programmed Democratic robot and the naked person. What a great opportunity to help your Wonkette! If you are rich and own a camera, please take some photos of whatever stupid things you you might see today at rallies, polling stations, liquor stores, etc. and send to tips@wonkette.com. Or just send text reports for the few literate readers. Don’t worry if you think your material is weak! As we like to say at Wonkette, “It doesn’t have to be good.” Read more on …
  meet your candidate

Feast Your Eyes On This Senate Candidate’s Totally Bangin’ Wheels

Check out this crusty old bit of sex-on-wheels, sent from a Wonkette Arkansas operative: “Here is a photo, from today, of Arkansas State Senator Kim Hendren’s car parked in his reserved slot at the state capitol. He is the front runner in the Republican primary to challenge Blanche Lincoln. He’s the one who called Chuck Schumer ‘that Jew.'” Just blast a lil’ Whitesnake and throw on a tattered jean jacket, and Hendren’s set himself up for a steamy night of trailer trash tail (including Blanche Lincoln.) Read more on Feast Your Eyes On This Senate Candidate’s Totally Bangin’ Wheels…
  caption contest

Look, It’s Atheist Santa Clause

Wonkette operative “Rob J.” sends us this pic of a Real American he saw at L’Enfant Plaza today, making some point about the Blacks and their long history of enslaving others. What a horrible misspelling of that one country’s name! There are two g’s, idiot. Read more on Look, It’s Atheist Santa Clause…
  remember this guy?

Famous Sex Person Mark Foley Spotted Somewhere On Earth

Wonkette “The View From Your Window” operative “UFgatorzfan4life” sends us this PG-13 erotica telephone picture of pedophile Mark Foley and writes, “Here is your favorite disgraced Congressman from Palm Beach County. He’s hanging out at Starbucks..texting..riding his bike with his shirt unzipped. You know, normal disgraced Congressman activities. I see him about once a month here.” HEY OPERATIVE: Next month when you see Mark Foley half-naked in spandex discreetly texting on an empty street, you must find a way to steal that phone. It is a public safety issue, for children. Read more on Famous Sex Person Mark Foley Spotted Somewhere On Earth…
  many good men died for this tree

A Brutal, Bloody Image From The War On Christmas

Fast-track that resolution, Boner! A Hill operative sends us this photo and writes, “The War on Christmas is alive and well in the House of Representatives. This Christmas tree was seen discarded on the 2nd floor of the Longworth House Office Building.” Oh that’s no Christmas tree, just an aborted tree fetus. But why is abortion taking place in Congress? (Maybe because it’s awesome?) Read more on A Brutal, Bloody Image From The War On Christmas…
  we are all david vitter

David Vitter’s Just Got To Grab Some Cash Quickly, He’ll Be Right Back

A Wonkette airport ATM-monitoring operative ran into profound Sen. David Vitter last night at Reagan National, and they even shared a flight! HE SHOULD BE READING THE BILL THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS. Not only did he withdraw cash from an ATM — he probably changed his mind in the heat of the moment and did want the extra kinky stuff, which ain’t cheap — but our operative claims he threw another of his trademark airport fits: “LOL…he is so seriously harassing a gate person.. the flight is 2 hours late….LOL…wait, no!!! he disappeared…damnit.” Exactly. Read more on David Vitter’s Just Got To Grab Some Cash Quickly, He’ll Be Right Back…
  the great bonercare debate

Hopeful GOP Health Care Lobbyists Already Setting Up Shop In Northern Marianas

Now that the House is debating the Republican health care alternative, the sweeping “BonerCare” of ancient lore, it’s a good opportunity to share this amazing (and ominous — mostly ominous!) photograph from commenter “mollymcguire,” who actually lives in the Northern Marianas, as a sex slave who is currently getting railed by Tom DeLay or whatever in the back of this Jeep with the Truck Nutz. After BonerCare passes both the House and Senate 535-0 — as expected within the next few minutes — the streets of Saipan shall be rife with Truck Nutz. Read more on Hopeful GOP Health Care Lobbyists Already Setting Up Shop In Northern Marianas…
  super bowl of retardation

Such A Vulgarian, This Teabagger

Wonkette motorist operative “Marcus” sent us this telephone picture of the rather uncouth car he was stuck behind yesterday, during the Super Bowl of Retardation. This fellow hates Obama so much that he — and we’re presuming “he,” because how unladylike! — chose to attach a massive cut-out of a donkey shitting Obama’s head on his rear windshield, at the expense of his visibility. Another sticker reads, “King’s Dream is a Nightmare.” Oh that silly Martin Luther King Jr., always ripe for a joke. After the jump, another wacky leftover operative photo, from a Hill office. Read more on Such A Vulgarian, This Teabagger…
  do it do it do it

Teabaggers Will Attempt To Rip Apart 1,990-page Bill

Operative “Randy C,” of fleeting Halloween costume Internet fame, has graciously donated his “pubic option” poster to the teabaggers. Is that pastor taking a shine to it? Meanwhile, another Hill operative reports on an overheard conversation between two members of the mobilizing force: Read more on Teabaggers Will Attempt To Rip Apart 1,990-page Bill…
  money bull hell

Hey Nancy Pelosi, This Truck Has Something To Tell You

A second-degree operative sends this photo and writes, “My cousin is a congressional staffer, I got sent this picture outside the capitol building today…” So we know that THE TRUTH TRUCK is in town for the Super Bowl of Retardation, and now it is barreling down the halls of Rayburn, crushin’ skulls. Read more on Hey Nancy Pelosi, This Truck Has Something To Tell You…
  super bowl of retardation

HILL OPERATIVES, WE NEED YOU: Much as we’d love to visit the Super Bowl of Retardation this afternoon, we are somewhat low on regular staff these days (have you noticed?) and someone must be “at the desk.” Operatives, this is your time to shine! Tips@wonkette.com! Send photos of Rand Paul breaking into your boss’s office! And if you send e-mails like, “I can see the west lawn of the Capitol from my window, and the entire lawn is full of tea partiers,” maybe attach a photograph. Read more on …
  halloween 'political costumes' for cars

Liberal Death Car Brings Hell-o-Ween To Downtown

Wonkette operative “Jeff E.” sends this photo from outside his office in Fat Cat rich person land, 17th Street between K and I. We all know who’s behind that wheel. Will no one tell Alan Grayson to stop pulling these stunts? Read more on Liberal Death Car Brings Hell-o-Ween To Downtown…
  fathead

Secret Video Of Rod Blagojevich Trying To Put On Headphones

Wonkette ideas-man operative “Jason” sends this video and writes, “A friend of mine works at WNYC and the staff have been sharing this AWESOME clip of Blago pathetically fiddling with a pair of headphones. Let’s all point and laugh at him.” Good idea. Ha ha ha ha, look at this guy! WHAT IS HE EVEN DOING? [YouTube] Read more on Secret Video Of Rod Blagojevich Trying To Put On Headphones…
  terrifying images

A Children’s Treasury Of Nancy Pelosi Animated .GIFs

So very many of you friendly bored people responded to our solicitation for animated .gifs of Nancy Pelosi looking horror-struck at Joe Wilson’s “YOU LIE” outburst, so we will just post them all! Every submitter, as promised, will get to make out with/finger-bang Intern Riley for five minutes in a closet of your choice. (Just e-mail him to set up a time. If he turns down any of you, he will be fired.) Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Nancy Pelosi Animated .GIFs…
  america cold goin' nuts

Report From The Front Lines Of St. Louis Health Care War

We’ve all been feeling so proud of our nation after hearing yesterday’s news about the insane, bloody war — like real-life, actual War, with guns and troops and Prussians and shit — scheduled for St. Louis today, between the unions and the people who should be in unions but aren’t and therefore hate unions. So, what was the BODY COUNT? Brave operative “Nick B.” brings us the whole, sad story: “My two friends and I were the ONLY people counter-protesting at the wingnut SEIU protest in St. Louis today, and I thought I might share what went down. The SEIU office is just a few blocks away, so we made some signs with posterboard and headed down, assuming that there would be others like us. But when we got there it was just a crowd of 150 or so with ‘Don’t Tread On Me’ signs (which fooled us at first, since they’re the same colors as SEIU has), with people on both sides of the street.” Click the clicky to see whether “Nick” survived, or e-mailed us his report from Hell. Read more on Report From The Front Lines Of St. Louis Health Care War…