Tag: op-eds

Ladies Don’t Want To Write Op-Eds Like ‘Ann Coulter Or Wonkette’ Says WaPo Op-Ed Lady (Updated!)

Ahem. We have brought it to our own attention that we are whining about a column that is like seven years old. You know what to do with the rest. Hey mommybloggers! Do you ever wonder why more XX-Americans...

Mitt Romney Promises Exciting New Endless War With Iran If Elected

Happy Veterans Day, it is now time to reflect on how America needs another insane trillion-dollar war, for Unity probably, and also Fear! (Afghanistan is not doing the trick these days, boo.) Manly man Mitt Romney TO THE RESCUE...

Meghan McCain Writes Least Insightful Column About #OWS In History

EVERYONE EXHALE, America's foremost pillar of Internet opinionation Meghan McCain has finally found time in her manic schedule writing her bi-monthly Daily Beast column to drop by Zuccotti Park so she can do her part and help explain to...

Chuck Norris Discovers UN Plot to Steal His Pistols Inside Gun Statue

Crusty paranoid sad sack Chuck Norris has uncovered evidence that the United Nations is actively plotting to break into his anger cave and boost his vast library of murder weapons (haha, get it?) in the form of Swedish artist...

Angry Millionaire Wants to Kill Dept. of Education and Raise Executive Pay

Ultra-rich old troll Harvey Golub threw his diamond-encrusted Depends around in a fit on the Wall Street Journal opinion pages after he read Warren Buffett's recent NYTimes op-ed asking the government to raise taxes on the super wealthy, which sounds like...

Ben Stein: Idiot, Bigot, Whatever

2.) In life, events tend to follow patterns. People who commit crimes tend to be criminals, for example. Can anyone tell me any economists who have been convicted of violent sex crimes? Can anyone tell me of any heads...

Chuck Norris’ ‘Pastor’ Writes All of His Plagiarized Columns

Since your Wonkette cracked the case on Chuck Norris' hilariously poorly veiled plagiarism in his columns, the professional kicker's people have refused to talk to us, and his syndicate, which still feautures Norris on its website, has refused multiple...

Chuck Norris Commits Plagiarism In His Column All the Time

Yesterday, we were writing a joke about Chuck Norris copy-and-pasting other people's "information" into his column when we realized, yes, this is probably exactly what he did. We checked, and, what do you know, he did plagiarize parts of...

Bryan Fischer Opines On Lady Gaga, Admits He May Be Turning Into a Gay

The 2012 Republican presidential field's favorite Jesus-band radio host, the American Family Association's Bryan Fischer, routinely professes to the world how disgusting gay people are, just in case people forgot and briefly thought he may enjoy penises being inserted...

Obama Writes Op-Ed With Friends Promising Never To End Libya War

Oh this is cute! Barack Obama got together with his friends David Cameron and Nicolas Sarkozy at the war treehouse, pulled out some construction paper, and wrote an op-ed together in blood-colored crayon. so long as Qaddafi is in power,...

Roger Simon: 2012 Election To Be Obama/Kucinich Showdown

Roger Simon is paid a six-figure salary to be right about politics, so expect him to resign November 7, 2012 if this prognostication of his does not happen: Republicans are so worthless they may not even field a candidate...

Grammatically Challenged Trump Blasts Collins For Poor ‘Word Usage’

Donald Trump apparently heard the New York Times' lovely op-ed columnist Gail Collins wrote something about his birther revolution, and the cartoon rich man's ears steamed with cartoon anger. "This will not stand!" Trump screamed to his assembled professional-reality-teevee-contestant...

Leading Political Scientist Meghan McCain Envisions Presidential Race

Meghan McCain has long wanted the world to take her thoughts on politics seriously, despite giving them absolutely no reason to do so, so for her latest column, she's taken a studious look at the 2012 presidential race, and...

Heritage Foundation Guy: People Leaving Detroit Because It’s Liberal

The Heritage Foundation is a place for great thinkers, so it comes as no surprise that one of their geniuses has finally, from his little marble Koch cubicle in D.C., solved why Detroit is losing population: it's full of...

George Will: Mike Huckabee Is a ‘Vibrator’

2012 DILDO NEWS: "The most recent vibrator is Mike Huckabee," reports George Will. George Will will not allow Republicans who talk about Barack Obama's Kenyan birth to be the next president of the United States. That is uncouth. So,...

Serially Unemployed Meghan McCain Has Thoughts On Wisconsin Workers

What is Meghan McCain up to these days? When she's not buying AC/DC pajamas at Walmart for her new Daily Beast colleagues Howard Kurtz and Andrew Sullivan, she's been very hard at work composing her fortnightly column. Yes, that's...