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Uh-oh: Your Obama Vote Won’t Count If You Post It On Instagram Or Whatever
Hello, millennial children of the digital age! You probably think you’re pretty “cool” if you take a picture of yourself voting for Obama and then post it on your favorite social media networking time-wasting porn sites, so your friends can see that you’re a liberal chump like them. In this sense voting is like every [...]
Romney Spokeslady: Move To Romney’s Socialist Massachusetts Paradise If You Want To Live
So you probably haven’t seen it if you aren’t in one of America’s precious, coddled Swing States, but a pro-Obama PAC has been running a mean ad featuring a guy who was laid off because Bain Capital made the business he worked for more efficient, and he says that his wife died because they didn’t [...]
Levi Johnston Broke After Squandering Playgirl Pay On Boats And Guns And Stuff
It’s been a fun few years, but now Levi Johnston, once and future sperm gifter extraordinaire, has joined every other 22-year-old in America and become broke and a tenant in his mother’s home. According to a report in US Weekly, Levi has already (“already”) squandered his $1 million winnings from being Mr. Playgirl Winter 2010 [...]
Thanks to Hilarious Florida Gun Law, Tampa Cannot Restrict Firearms at GOP Convention
Ooops. Yet another casualty of ALEC’s constant hard-on for making sure you can sodomize yourself with your semi-automatic weapon is Tampa, Florida’s effort to ban guns from the site of the GOP convention in August. NO NOT ALLOWED. DON’T TREAD ON ME, & CETERA.
Santorum Calls Romney ‘Just a Paler Shade of What We Have’
Rick Santorum, down in South Carolina with the rest of the troupe, decided Thursday afternoon to lump Mitt Romney’s proposed policies in with President Obama, further confusing the capitalism debate to the point that it now sounds like an LSAT question with no real answer. In the process, he, albeit not necessarily consciously, decided to [...]
Santorum Totally Reached Across the Aisle to Hitler-Like Democrats
Resurrecting the speeches of fiendish politicians is the best thing about the Internet, and today we have a new floating spirit in the form of a speech Rick Santorum gave on the Senate floor in 2005 during the Democrats’ attempt to filibuster President Bush’s judicial appointments. The surly fellow compared his friends across the aisle [...]
Congresslady Jean Schmidt Secretly Agrees With The Birthers, Except This One Time By Mistake She *Publicly* Agreed With The Birthers
Everyone very warmly congratulate Jean Schmidt (R-OH), who has bravely and accidentally come out as a Birther. Lo! Observe as Jean Schmidt is accosted by a rabid blond female Birther wearing some kind of decorative traditional headdress of war. “Blah blah NOT dog whistle MY muslin president Hussein sdodfgifjsd states’ rights fake something Gerald Ford [...]
Judge to Bush: I Read The News
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