Ever had an old person walk up to you on the street and ask you a completely bizarre question, like, “Why do all the apples send moonbeams into your brain?” No? Well, doesn’t happen to us either. But at a Senate hearing yesterday, David Cohen, undersecretary of treasury for terrorism and financial intelligence, was testifying […]

We’d just like to thank Fox News for being so very Fox News, as demonstrated by this chyron from a Monday story about that epic spelling bee on the edge of forever that recently ended in Missouri. We’re just surprised that the error wasn’t later attributed to Fox employee Sarah Palin (D-Alaska).

Oh, man, guys, did you hear what New Pope said? He is gonna get a ruler to the knuckles for sure: On Sunday, the pontiff accidentally said “fuck” during his weekly blessing from the Vatican. To be fair, the prayer was in Italian, not Francis’s native Spanish, and the Italian word for “Fuck” (“cazzo”) is […]

So here’s a bit of video editing that’s not going to go on anyone’s resume: In a story on Hillary Clinton being interviewed at the National Auto Dealers Association, because of course that’s a natural venue for former secretaries of state, some genius at CNN edited two parts of the video together with a 14-nanosecond […]

Our oopsie of the day comes to us courtesy of Nick Baumann at Mother Jones, who brings us this story of an FBI agent who thought it would be a good idea to submit a copy of a secret interrogation manual to the U.S. Copyright Office — which means it ended up in the Library […]

Hey, kids, remember that poll from way back in May that showed just how are-you-freakin’-kidding-us stupid Republicans are? Oh, sorry, there are so many polls like that. We will have to be more specific. We mean this poll about Dumbshit-Americans who are super duper OUTRAGED!!!! about Benghazi, but, um, well: One interesting thing about the […]

Hello, millennial children of the digital age! You probably think you’re pretty “cool” if you take a picture of yourself voting for Obama and then post it on your favorite social media networking time-wasting porn sites, so your friends can see that you’re a liberal chump like them. In this sense voting is like every […]

So you probably haven’t seen it if you aren’t in one of America’s precious, coddled Swing States, but a pro-Obama PAC has been running a mean ad featuring a guy who was laid off because Bain Capital made the business he worked for more efficient, and he says that his wife died because they didn’t […]

It’s been a fun few years, but now Levi Johnston, once and future sperm gifter extraordinaire, has joined every other 22-year-old in America and become broke and a tenant in his mother’s home. According to a report in US Weekly, Levi has already (“already”) squandered his $1 million winnings from being Mr. Playgirl Winter 2010 […]

Ooops. Yet another casualty of ALEC’s constant hard-on for making sure you can sodomize yourself with your semi-automatic weapon is Tampa, Florida’s effort to ban guns from the site of the GOP convention in August. NO NOT ALLOWED. DON’T TREAD ON ME, & CETERA.

Rick Santorum, down in South Carolina with the rest of the troupe, decided Thursday afternoon to lump Mitt Romney’s proposed policies in with President Obama, further confusing the capitalism debate to the point that it now sounds like an LSAT question with no real answer. In the process, he, albeit not necessarily consciously, decided to […]

Resurrecting the speeches of fiendish politicians is the best thing about the Internet, and today we have a new floating spirit in the form of a speech Rick Santorum gave on the Senate floor in 2005 during the Democrats’ attempt to filibuster President Bush’s judicial appointments. The surly fellow compared his friends across the aisle […]

Everyone very warmly congratulate Jean Schmidt (R-OH), who has bravely and accidentally come out as a Birther. Lo! Observe as Jean Schmidt is accosted by a rabid blond female Birther wearing some kind of decorative traditional headdress of war. “Blah blah NOT dog whistle MY muslin president Hussein sdodfgifjsd states’ rights fake something Gerald Ford […]

TORTURE  1:40 pm December 18, 2007

Judge to Bush: I Read The News

by Megan Carpentier