Tag Archives: one million moms

  Just hope the plane doesn't go down while you're going down

Spirit Airlines Will 69 You In The Sky, Wingnut Outrage To Commence Shortly

Mile High Club
The budget carrier Spirit Airlines is having a celebration, and they want YOU to come 69 the friendly skies with them, doesn’t that sound like a hot thing you want to cross of your bucket list? They are doing this because they have recently added a sixty-ninth airplane to their fleet, and if their website is any indication, the folks at Spirit have been boning up for this new addition to their family for quite a while now: Read more on Spirit Airlines Will 69 You In The Sky, Wingnut Outrage To Commence Shortly…
  truth in advertising

No, YOU’RE Crying Over this Sweet “Screw You, Haters” Ad From Honey Maid Graham Crackers

Last month, Honey Maid graham crackers, which you buy once per year for s’mores and then leave at the back of the cupboard until the mice get them or they turn to dust, aired an ad that said everybody can buy crackers and make s’mores once a year, even the gays and the interracially married. It was a very nice ad! Read more on No, YOU’RE Crying Over this Sweet “Screw You, Haters” Ad From Honey Maid Graham Crackers…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Waltz Through A Wonderland of Weird

Welcome to another Derp Roundup, where we take a wire brush to our browser tabs, douse ‘em with brain bleach, and bring you the stories that were too stupid to ignore. We recommend a healthy portion of your favorite reality-dilution elixir before reading on. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Waltz Through A Wonderland of Weird…
  some pig

Nice Christian Ladies One Million Moms Very Angry At All This Rampant Sexing of Talking Pigs

What are the three moms of One Million Moms yipping about today? Oh, just that Geico is trying to turn your little darlings into pig-fuckers, that is all, no big deal. The moms behind such classic press releases as “How to declare victory over Ellen Degeneres in three easy steps” and “I kissed a girl (and I didn’t like it)” have some thoughts on why you should not let your children fuck pigs, and neither trichinosis nor pig-fucking’s obvious unkosherness seems to make the cut. Read more on Nice Christian Ladies One Million Moms Very Angry At All This Rampant Sexing of Talking Pigs…
  don't pretend you don't want it

Teh Year in Ghey: A Wonktrospective

It has been a banner fucking year for the teh gheys. There was tons of election-winning, gay-marrying, company-wrecking, and general ruining of morals and common decency everywhere. Shockingly, we learned that a lesbian cabal runs the DHS, because when the revolution comes it will damn sure start with ‘mos taking over executive agencies. We watched as the heroic group known as “One Million Moms” declared victory against JC Penney and Ellen Degeneres by deciding that they wouldn’t fight anymore (WHICH IS TOTALLY WINNING YOU GUYS) until they decided to get mad all over again, because history’s greatest monster lesbian played an elf in a Christmas TV commercial. Will Ellen’s reign of terror never end? Also, too, One Million Moms is apparently mad at a whole ton of gay things: Read more on Teh Year in Ghey: A Wonktrospective…
  how come the devil gets all the good companies

Anti-Gay Groups Declare Victory In War On Starbucks

If you’re anything like us, and we know you are (yeah, we tried to make that sound better too, but there’s no help for it thanks to the royal “we”), you’ve been wondering how you can best hoard your hard-earned dollars to ensure that companies are punished for liking, or even just tolerating, teh ghey. You have to hate General Mills and give up delicious Cheerios and instead eat those weird Cheerio knockoffs that come in a bag. You can’t use the Google and instead have to use Bing just like the olds do. You have to stop using T-Mobile…OK, that’s actually not so bad. Make sure to reserve your super-duper-wuper-extra hate for JC Penney, though, as they hired AN ACTUAL LESBIAN to do some things: Read more on Anti-Gay Groups Declare Victory In War On Starbucks…
  New frontiers in cause and effect

Wingnut Boycotters Take Credit For Starbucks’ Business Cycle, JC Penney’s Lousy Management

What if they held a boycott and nobody stayed home? Protectors of traditional missionary-position-only marriage between straight people have been trying, without much success, to make big corporations stop being so darn gay. By most measures, the “One Million Moms” boycott of JC Penney Co and the The National Organization For Marriage boycotts of Starbucks Coffee had no measurable effects on sales (we now pause 20 seconds to let you get “OMM, NOM NOM NOM” out of your system. It is a reflex, just go with it). But happily for the activist groups, we’re still in a sluggish economy where stock performance, corporate profits, and consumer choices can fluctuate for a variety of reasons, so any bad news for either company MUST mean that the boycott has been a thundering success, so YAY for Traditional Marriage! Looks like another flawless victory for the Forces of Good. Read more on Wingnut Boycotters Take Credit For Starbucks’ Business Cycle, JC Penney’s Lousy Management…
  battleaxe of the republic

One Million Moms Defeats Battalion Of Gay Green Lantern Comix Nerds, Hides

Poor One Million Moms. So many campaigns in which to declare victory before frantically fleeing in disarray, so little time! So whom did OMM defeat this time? Bloodthirsty lesbian Ellen Degeneres is yesterday’s news. Nope, now it is the Gay Green Lantern, and his legion of fanboys. OMM, having obviously crushed this un-superhero’s un-super agenda, has now deleted its Facebook page entirely, because of Bible Camp. The New Civil Rights Movement reports that moments after issuing a “warning” Friday about DC’s official announcement (see below), the page’s administrator began deleting positive comments before apparently giving up and removing the post entirely. Shortly afterward, the One Million Moms page disappeared from Facebook, certainly the initiative’s most valuable social media platform. The abrupt exodus was followed by a tweet announcing, unconvincingly, to Facebook users that, “OMM will be offline most of next week for Vacation Bible School!” Read more on One Million Moms Defeats Battalion Of Gay Green Lantern Comix Nerds, Hides…
  toucan sam says go fuck yourself

Tony The Tiger On Jon Stewart’s Vagina Manger: Tastes Grrrreat!

The Catholic League’s Bill Donohue is none-too-pleased with the Kellogg’s family of cereals, as it unaccountably refused to yield to his demands that it immediately stop advertising on the Jonathan Stewartsky Half-Hour Jew Hour That Hates Goys Full-Time. Oooooh, what’d Kellogg’s say to Bill Donohue? Did they tell him to get fucked? Yes. Yes they did. “We understand that our customers come from a variety of backgrounds, experiences, lifestyles, and cultures and we respect their individual decisions to choose the television programs that they deem acceptable for themselves and their families. Consumers speak most loudly when they vote with their remote control and change the channel or turn off the TV if a program does not fit their personal criteria.” Hahahahaha, that is corporate-speak for “well bless your heart,” which is southern lady for “fuck you in the ass face down on a gravel road,” which is southern man for “Well, fine fellow, I must civilly disagree!” And don’t think Bill Donohue doesn’t know exactly what he just heard! He’s so mad he’s about to go full-Nuge! Read more on Tony The Tiger On Jon Stewart’s Vagina Manger: Tastes Grrrreat!…
  funtime gals

‘One Million Moms,’ Fresh Off Victory Over Ellen Degeneres, Has New Lesbos In Sights

Two chicks are totally macking hard in Urban Outfitters’ new catalog, and the funtime gals over at “One Million Moms” are having a total ladyboner! You may remember One Million Moms for their yeoman’s service in getting laughed at by Ellen Degeneres for all the world to see, but they are not just taking their well-earned victory and shutting up shop. No, where there are lesbians, there will be One Million Moms, shouting the benefits of vaginal dryness! Read more on ‘One Million Moms,’ Fresh Off Victory Over Ellen Degeneres, Has New Lesbos In Sights…
  a model of christian charity

Bloodthirsty Lesbian Spokesmodel Ellen Degeneres Murders Nice Christian Ladies ‘One Million Moms’

Having already been totally slaughtered, the Warriors for Tolerance, Empathy and Good Taste known as “One Million Moms” (seven moms) have declared victory against Ellen Degeneres (Saddam Hussein) in their fight against her Manchurian Candidate stealth mission to educate Americans to the benefits of the Jaclyn Smith Kardashian Kollection Olsen Twins fashion line. And that’s why you can’t have women in a foxhole. They just give up as soon as they have been totally annihilated! Also? Too mensy. Read more on Bloodthirsty Lesbian Spokesmodel Ellen Degeneres Murders Nice Christian Ladies ‘One Million Moms’…
  both hopey and changey

Bill O’Reilly Compares Ellen Boycott to McCarthyism, Universe Explodes

Poisonous creature of the deep Bill O’Reilly did a segment on his show Tuesday about One Million Moms’ boycott of Ellen DeGeneres’ spokesperson deal with JC Penney. Strangely, the segment was, for the most optimistic among us, some evidence that world peace will happen before the world ends (which is this year). Ellen recently signed on with JC Penney, which is doing this weird American flag-y logo happy makeover thing in an effort to get people to remember it exists and stop buying so many pairs of rhinestone-encrusted Forever 21 leggings made by Korean infants. One Million Moms are not psyched, and Bill O’Reilly is touchingly not psyched that they’re not psyched! Read more on Bill O’Reilly Compares Ellen Boycott to McCarthyism, Universe Explodes…