Tag Archives: omfg

  saturday night dead

The Best of Saturday’s Painful GOP Idiot Debate (VIDEO)

The whole debate, in a minute! That’s as much time as anybody should really have to spend thinking about the latest Republican Dimbulb Derby, which was broadcast on Saturday night to an audience of people who were unable to find the remote. At least everybody piled on the fat crying amoral jewelry-debt baby Newt Gingrich, who was probably divorcing his latest wife via text message live on teevee. What else did the numbnuts say during Saturday’s GOP debate? The answers may repulse you! Read more on The Best of Saturday’s Painful GOP Idiot Debate (VIDEO)…
  2012 can't come quick enough

‘Black Friday’ Champs Walk Over Dying Man To Buy Target Crap

Pepper spray was a-spraying, knives were a-stabbing, guns were a-shooting, muggers were a-mugging, punchers were a-punching — it was a “Black Friday” celebration that truly proved if you’re not a part of the worldwide anti-corporate protests, then you’re actually a very stinky part of the problem. But the Gold Medal in Applied Assjerk Consumerism goes to the shoppers at the Target crap box store in South Charleston, West Virginia: These bargain-crazed mouth-breathing waterheads literally walked over a dying 61-year-old man who collapsed in the aisles. Can we please do an “alternate history swap” and have the Native Americans defeat the Europeans? Please? Read more on ‘Black Friday’ Champs Walk Over Dying Man To Buy Target Crap…
  they're both black men!

Delightful New Herman Cain T-Shirt Proves He Has What It Takes To Be President

A frightened Wonkette operative sends this picture. Wha-a-a-a-t is this supposed to mean, exactly? We are just going to post it and go away and never think about it again — not the shirt, not the person wearing it, not anything. We are just going to go smoke some marijuana, actually. It’s the only thing that seems sane right now. Read more on Delightful New Herman Cain T-Shirt Proves He Has What It Takes To Be President…
  kittens!

Washington Post Illustrates Oakland Police Brutality With Cop Petting Kitty

Faced with endless photographic documentation of the insane violence of 500 riot cops against a group of protesters in Oakland, the Washington Post editors proved they are good Kaplan 1% corporate lackeys and choose this picture of … a riot cop petting a kitten. Not just any kitten, though. According to the Washington Post, the shameful excuse for a newspaper in the nation’s capital, it’s a kitten that was cruelly left there by the evil protesters. Hooray for the cops! Protesters hate kittens. Read more on Washington Post Illustrates Oakland Police Brutality With Cop Petting Kitty…
  this explains the $500K 0% credit line

Bribery at Tiffany’s: Newt’s Latest Wife Did Tiffany’s Bidding

We thought Giant Whining Baby/Serial Divorcer Newt Gingrich had his half-million-dollar Tiffany’s credit line just because he always needs new engagement rings when he divorces his old, cancer-ridden wives for new, younger ladies he’s been schtupping for several years. But no, it’s actually sleazier than all that, because this is Newt Gingrich we’re talking about. Why did he get a very special $500,000 charge account from the jeweler with a truly spectacular 0% interest rate? Financial journalists are on the case, and they found out Newt’s current wife Callista used to be a “a high level staffer for the House Agriculture Committee, which oversees mining policy,” while a former Newt top staffer is now a top lobbyist for Tiffany’s. Because Tiffany’s mines silver on U.S. public lands, and Newt got Tiffany’s a very sweet deal to exploit America’s natural resources from America’s public lands, so that Tiffany executives and stockholders can make tens of millions of dollars every quarter by selling silver from public lands to rich douchesacks and ladder-climbing sociopaths. Read more on Bribery at Tiffany’s: Newt’s Latest Wife Did Tiffany’s Bidding…
  remain calm or freak out

Dugway Bioweapons Army Base Under Weird Lockdown

Dugway Proving Ground, a massive Army base in Utah along the border with Nevada, has been under lockdown for many hours now because of some kind of “national terror alert” to “resolve security issues.” Dugway is a bioweapons lab and supposedly home to secret military aerial projects. More than 6,300 sheep died near the proving ground in 1968 when a cloud of “nerve agent” hit the livestock herds in Skull Valley. Dugway is also where the U.S. Government has been testing weaponized Anthrax as recently as 1998. The Twitter feed tonight is kind of terrifying. Read more on Dugway Bioweapons Army Base Under Weird Lockdown…
  idiots

Republican National Committee Candidates Unfamiliar With Books

Which pea-brained clown will become the new chairperson of the Republican National Committee? Whether it’s the dingbat woman dreaming of getting wasted at her kitchen table again or the lunkhead who just keeps barking “Reagan! Reagan!” when asked if he has ever read a book, all five of these mouth-breathing imbeciles are perfect representatives of America’s Political Elite, circa 2011. Read more on Republican National Committee Candidates Unfamiliar With Books…
  america under attack (by rain)

Associated Press Attempts To Bore People To Death With Video of Rain

The journalism industry is having a bit of a hard time these last couple of decades, you may have heard. And the main way the journalism industry has responded to the crisis in the journalism industry is by dramatically lowering the quality of the journalism industry’s primary product, which is journalism. Here, in a brilliant video by some random AP person (probably a stringer?) in the Los Angeles foothills, is perhaps the most damning indictment of the current ridiculous requirement that all random news reporters also shoot some incredibly crappy, boring video to make sure nobody ever wants to look at news again. Read more on Associated Press Attempts To Bore People To Death With Video of Rain…
  lighten up francis

Furious Insane Teabagger Rick Barber Will Soon Suffer Heart Attack

That guy who sees Dead Presidents whenever the veins in his forehead reach double the “safe size,” Rick Barber? He’s got a new insane campaign commercial. This time, he argues with his ever-present special friend hallucination (the ghost of George Washington) about all the bloggers making fun of Rick Barber being an idiot — you’ll recall that during his last frightening appearance in a commercial, Barber had no idea that his tax-hating patriotic wraith G. Washington was actually a freedom-crushing socialist who smashed an anti-tax rebellion by whiskey makers. Read more on Furious Insane Teabagger Rick Barber Will Soon Suffer Heart Attack…
  worst mdma trip ever

New Ron Paul Belgian Downtempo 12-inch Drops Today

This is so great, so inspiring. In fact, we’re going into the studio today with Thievery Corporation and Kermit the Frog, who will stay up all night snorting Adderall and reading YouTube comments about FEMA death camps over a chill kind of trip-hop thing. And for the end? Let’s computer animate a motherfucking robot horse! LET’S DO IT. [YouTube] Read more on New Ron Paul Belgian Downtempo 12-inch Drops Today…
  million-percent tax on webcams

Teabaggers Are Trying To Confuse President Bill Clinton’s Police State!

Always with the fake British accents and the Guy Fawkes masks, the Paultards are. But there is a Reason why Tea Party Baggers are putting new embarrassing home videos on the YouTubes: The Man is trying to find The Leader of the Teabaggers, so as to imprison this Brave Knight in a Darke Tower of Dragon Poop. If the Teabaggers post enough YouTubes of themselves repeating the Ancient Rune “I am the Tea Party Leader,” the tower shalst be burninated, and the *true leader* (a hobbit) set free! Read more on Teabaggers Are Trying To Confuse President Bill Clinton’s Police State!…
  like 'schoolhouse rock' but terrible

Whatever This Is, America Must Be Bombed For It

Teabagger Final Fantasy? The “Once More, With Feeling” episode of John Adams nobody noticed at the time, due to not watching it? We have no idea, but if Naked Scott Brown is not tarred and feathered and videotaped being dropped into the snow by noon today, REVOLUTION, babies. [YouTube via Metafilter via Satan] Read more on Whatever This Is, America Must Be Bombed For It…
  the glamor of history

A Decade of Funny Pictures, Part II-VII

Did you know it’s impossible to spell “Funny Pictures” without the name “Katherine Harris” … as part of the caption from one of the many photographs of Katherine Harris that your Wonkette has posted under the “Funny Pictures” tags, over the years? Well, then welcome to the “Virtual Reality Based Community” or whatever it was called, shuck ‘n awe, etc. Read more on A Decade of Funny Pictures, Part II-VII…
  historical photography

Years of Painful Laughter: The Decade In Funny Pictures

Why look who’s here, America’s “Commander of Cheer,” Mister President Obama! And he’s got plenty to laugh about! Just think, when this millennium began just 10 years ago, people like Barack Obama were still legally considered slaves. And now it’s the white people who are HIS slaves. Haw haw! Read more on Years of Painful Laughter: The Decade In Funny Pictures…
  demrats just don't understand

Vaguely Hot Gal Briefly Spotted In Comical Teabagger ‘Rap Video’

Apologies in advance for those who still enjoy the Hippitty Hop and the Rap, because after watching this excruciating video, you too will finally agree that this genre of pop music probably went on for about 15 years longer than necessary …. the direct line from Vanilla Ice to this clumsy clod is actually visible in many shots. Read more on Vaguely Hot Gal Briefly Spotted In Comical Teabagger ‘Rap Video’…
  internet advertising

Get Your Free Gun Before Shit Goes Bananas!

Whoa, Newsmax, what kind of crazy are you sending us on this lazy summer afternoon? WHAT?! Famous millionaire Doctor Pizza is giving away free guns? For the coming race war? Sign us up, for FREE! Seriously go sign up and get these free guns because guess who will get them if you don’t? Read more on Get Your Free Gun Before Shit Goes Bananas!…
  america's abortion clown

THE ONLY PHOTO OF ALAN KEYES PUSHING A SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS STROLLER FULL OF ABORTED CABBAGE PATCH DOLLS YOU’LL NEED TO SEE TODAY: Oh look, nutbar is back at Notre Dame. [New York Times] Read more on …
  a children's treasury of wingnut responses

But What Do Wingnuts Think About Michael Steele’s Personal Love of Abortion?

That Michael Steele, he really is modernizing the Republican Party! You ladies want an abortion? That’s “hip hop” with him! Gays? Hey, not their fault! Rush Limbaugh? Well he’s an ugly clown, but of course Mike is sorry for saying the truth, whoops! Websites? Let’s make them functional! In other words Michael Steele is another Maryland liberal, just as wishy-washy as any Eastern Seaboard cocktail-party Democrat. Some Republicans seem to be very unhappy about him, on the Internet. They’re even throwing out Woody Allen references! Read more on But What Do Wingnuts Think About Michael Steele’s Personal Love of Abortion?…
  the horror you've witnessed

Actual Truck Nutz Spotted In DC

Wonkette Operative “Matt N.” has truly witnessed horror, in the supposed new socialist caliphate of the District of Communism: Real truck nutz, hanging off a goddamned trailer hitch, as intended by the manufacturer. Read more on Actual Truck Nutz Spotted In DC…