Tag: olds

What, us racist?

A Idiot’s Garden Of Brexit Hot Takes Starring Glenn Greenwald, Greg Abbott And Donald J. Trump

Bleeding-hearts have been blaming Great Britain's disastrous Brexit referendum on too-obvious factors like racist, xenophobic political parties that backed the Leave side (as if racism is even a real thing any more). Donald Trump has been taking credit for it...
I CAN SAY TERRISM YET?

Dumb Fox Chick Not Scared Of Old Grandma Muslims, Just The Kids

Are you ready for more HYSTERIA OMG SYRIAN MUSLIM REFUGEE PANIC?! Cool, because Fox News lady windsock Andrea Tantaros went to work Wednesday. It's time for another episode of "Outnumbered," where spunky Republican jaw-flappers flap their jaws about stuff...
Jesus's favorite prophet.

Crazy Tongue-Speaking Prophet Lady Running For Mayor … Of Our Hearts!

Wonkers, are you ready to meet your new best friend? Her name is Opal Covey, she is 75 years old, and she is running for mayor of Toledo (Ohio, not Spain, geography nerds). You excited yet? Did we mention...
Sad Jebbers is sadness.

Jeb Bush Will Murder Medicare And Your Mee-Maw

Are you an Old? If so, then this post is not for you, because Jeb Bush doesn't want to murder your Medicare. But are you a card-carrying member of the Future Olds Of America club? US TOO! Do you...
Now Grandma gets to go to the Horseshoe, THANKS OBAMA.

Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money

U.S. Americans have been lately wondering why their Oklahoma Grandma has been sending them TWO crisp twenties for their birthdays these past few years. Is she sick? Has she reached the point where she can't count moneys anymore? GOOD...

Ready The FEMA Camps: Obama Coming For Your Rascal So You Can’t Run Or Hide

They tried to warn us. "Government out of my Medicare!" they said. "Something about socialized medicine and Dr. Mengele," said they. But did we listen? Or did we just howl with laughter? WELL NO ONE'S LAUGHING NOW, BUDDY. And...

Now We Are Sad, Because Jesus Is Only Our Homeboy

Please to enjoy this completely 100 percent real video of Pastor Jim Colerick and his wife, "Mrs. Colerick," dropping fat rhymes that they wrote about Jesus, Who Is Their Nigga. The video is probably at least five years old,...

Olds Tear Paul Ryan Into Bloody Paul Ryan Chunks At AARP Conference

They were hungry. So hungry. It was like the nurses and the porters at their "retirement" "communities" -- jails, each and every one of them -- were doing it on purpose, ignoring their wails for bigger portions of...

Paul Ryan Arrests All The Olds At His Events, Probably So He Can Eat Them

Hey, remember when all those Tea Partiers got arrested at all the Democrats' town hall meetings two years ago? Oh, you don't, because none of them were arrested for, say, disturbing the peace, even though they had purposely coordinated...

Old Texas Lady Beats Son’s ‘Roommate’ With Cane, Proves You’re Never Too Old To Go Hate-Criming

A 71-year-old Texas "lady" beat and choked her son's "roommate" with a cane while yelling slurs about gay people. (We are putting "roommate" in scare-quotes because for the life of us we cannot figure out why else an old...

Handsome Old Joe Biden Yells at Fellow Olds

Boy, somebody got on Old Handsome Joe's last nerve! He even says he is "angry," and then yells a bunch! But what brought on this fit of righteousness from the World's Sexiest Grampa? Watch Joe Biden testify, after...

Do Novels Cause Old Person Terrorism?

A bunch of decrepit rednecks fantasizing about mass murder is a common enough occurrence in North Georgia (your Wonkette bookman knows this from lifelong experience). What’s different about the alleged plot by this AARP IRA is that they had...

Rand Paul Stomper Wants an Apology From Lady He Stomped, Of Course

Ex Rand Paul Bourbon County coordinator Tim Profitt sort of apologized yesterday IF "it appeared overly forceful" when he stomped on that annoying MoveOn woman in the wig. But of course, as we all know, when you stomp on...

Teabaggers Not Allowed To Wear Ratty Teabagger T-Shirts In Obama’s USA

"Back in May, Diane Wickberg, a grandmother from Flagstaff, Ariz., slipped into the same outfit she wears every Tuesday — a white T-shirt bearing photos of the American flag and the U.S. Constitution, along with the words: 'Flagstaff Tea...

HEY TEENS! Your Homie Ray LaHood Wants You To Make Videos About Your Sexting Habits

You know what else can happen in two seconds? FALLING HOPELESSLY IN LOVE WITH YOUR NEW CRUSH RAY LAHOOD. *kawaii* (。◕‿‿◕。) Yes, Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood hates teens sexting when they're driving cars, so he is doing things...

Average Republican ‘Young Gun’ Candidate Is 50

Youths is our future! And that's why the Republicans are chasing the elusive, nonexistent "youth vote" with a hot 'n sexy bunch of youngling candidates with an average age of, uh, 49.6 years old. Why can't Republicans do anything...