olds
Ready The FEMA Camps: Obama Coming For Your Rascal So You Can’t Run Or Hide
They tried to warn us. “Government out of my Medicare!” they said. “Something about socialized medicine and Dr. Mengele,” said they. But did we listen? Or did we just howl with laughter? WELL NO ONE’S LAUGHING NOW, BUDDY. And that is because Barack Hussein Nobumer has criminalized being old, in the form of raiding The [...]
Now We Are Sad, Because Jesus Is Only Our Homeboy
Please to enjoy this completely 100 percent real video of Pastor Jim Colerick and his wife, “Mrs. Colerick,” dropping fat rhymes that they wrote about Jesus, Who Is Their Nigga. The video is probably at least five years old, according to the Daily Mail, yet its message? Lives with Gangster Jesus in dimensions beyond space [...]
Olds Tear Paul Ryan Into Bloody Paul Ryan Chunks At AARP Conference
They were hungry. So hungry. It was like the nurses and the porters at their “retirement” “communities” — jails, each and every one of them — were doing it on purpose, ignoring their wails for bigger portions of the lousy slop they called “food.” And they always stole everything that wasn’t locked down! They were [...]
Do Novels Cause Old Person Terrorism?
A bunch of decrepit rednecks fantasizing about mass murder is a common enough occurrence in North Georgia (your Wonkette bookman knows this from lifelong experience). What’s different about the alleged plot by this AARP IRA is that they had the misfortune to run into an FBI informant who actually challenged them to put their brain-damaged [...]
Rand Paul Stomper Wants an Apology From Lady He Stomped, Of Course
Ex Rand Paul Bourbon County coordinator Tim Profitt sort of apologized yesterday IF “it appeared overly forceful” when he stomped on that annoying MoveOn woman in the wig. But of course, as we all know, when you stomp on a person’s head, it should really be that person apologizing to you. “I would like for [...]
Teabaggers Not Allowed To Wear Ratty Teabagger T-Shirts In Obama’s USA
“Back in May, Diane Wickberg, a grandmother from Flagstaff, Ariz., slipped into the same outfit she wears every Tuesday — a white T-shirt bearing photos of the American flag and the U.S. Constitution, along with the words: ‘Flagstaff Tea Party — Reclaiming Our Constitution.’” You mean she put on her patriot uniform, lamestream media. Sure, [...]
Average Republican ‘Young Gun’ Candidate Is 50
Youths is our future! And that’s why the Republicans are chasing the elusive, nonexistent “youth vote” with a hot ‘n sexy bunch of youngling candidates with an average age of, uh, 49.6 years old. Why can’t Republicans do anything right, ever? Sure, sure, “to be fair” you are not necessarily old & decrepit at 50 [...]
John McCain Wants To Bomb AARP
Strife among the Olds! The principal actor in this particular Olds Drama, as in all Olds Dramas, is the elderly peacebomber John McCain, who is something like 87 years old. Standing opposite John McCain is the corrupt League of Olds, the AARP. Once friends, now foes, after the AARP recently *ruined everything* by endorsing ObamaCare, [...]
Old People Lobby To Endorse House Health Care Bill
The American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), a vestigial structure in the American political apparatus dating back to old times when people “stopped working” at a certain age and lived off of pensions (nowadays it’s more common to work forever, after Wall Street loots your life savings from the 401(k) it pushed you into), will [...]
Gaffey Joe For Prez In 2016?
Here we have a pretty normal news analysis of Joe Biden: he’s described as frank but endearing, a clown but a statesman, maybe less visible than other Obama staffers but nonetheless a valued member of the team, etc etc… SNOOZE. But! “Aides said he might go for the Democratic presidential nomination in 2016. He would [...]
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