Tag Archives: old handsome joe biden

  There Are Democrats Running This Year Too!

Hey, What’s Up With The 2016 Democrats?

Three Dems, One Cup
Three Dems, One Cup With all the Republicans trying their best to beat the crap out of each other, you have to feel a little bad for the Democrats, who have generally been like the well-behaved kids who are trying to have a thoughtful talk about important Calculus Club business in one corner of the cafeteria while everyone’s paying attention to the brawl over by the snack machine, where the little brother of the quarterback from several seasons ago is getting a wedgie from that obnoxious guy with the weird hair. (Somewhere in this analogy, Rand Paul is wondering why no one’s taking his Objectivist Club pamphlets, John Kasich can’t convince anyone to play D & D with him — he insists on using the 2nd Edition — and no one’s even sure if Jim Gilmore actually attends this school.) So let’s check in on the people who actually care about subject-verb agreement and income inequality. Read more on Hey, What’s Up With The 2016 Democrats?…
  Bern Noticed

Bernie Sanders Surging In New Hampshire Poll, So You Should Buy This Mug

Great Scott!
Bernie Sanders continues to be the under-the-radar, populist wild-haired guy from the Democratic wing of the Democratic Party, drawing enormous crowds (a record-stomping 28,000 in Portland, Oregon, on Sunday: 19,000 inside a sportsball arena, and the proverbial “over 9000” in an overflow area). He’s even ahead of Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire in a poll released Tuesday evening. The Franklin Pierce University/Boston Herald poll shows Sanders leading Clinton 44-37 percent among likely Democratic primary voters, which is the first time Bernie has actually outpolled Hillz in the Granite State. Read more on Bernie Sanders Surging In New Hampshire Poll, So You Should Buy This Mug…
  Be still our hearts

Will Old Handsome Joe Biden Be President Of Hillary Clinton? MAYBE!

We wouldn't be opposed to this development.
The Democratic presidential primary might get a little more crowded very soon — like three whole candidates, not counting the ones who don’t count — because SOURCES SAY that Old Handsome Joe Biden is going to declare his intention to rob Hillary Clinton of the crown the ancients prophets said she was to assume as U.S. American president. Are the Sources Who Say correct? Who knows! We should take this with a grain of salt and stuff, because Washington Times, and a lot of media people just generally like to stir shit, but it could happen! Let’s see what the gossip rags have to say: Read more on Will Old Handsome Joe Biden Be President Of Hillary Clinton? MAYBE!…
  Wonkette weekend bipartisan Old Handsome Joe Biden nice time!

Watch Lindsey Graham Cry Like A Little … Oh, He’s Crying For Joe Biden. Carry On!

He makes the gays' days better. AND their nights.
Good morning, Wonkers, and happy God Loves America Best Weekend! We will not be saying many “words” at you for the next couple of days — some words here and there, maybe, with most of them being “pussy” — but wanted to bring you this lovely bipartisan Nice Time of Lindsey Graham crying like a little bitch about … Old Handsome Joe Biden being “as good a man as God ever created.” Let’s do it! Read more on Watch Lindsey Graham Cry Like A Little … Oh, He’s Crying For Joe Biden. Carry On!…
  Is This Another Caption Contest? You Decide.

Old Handsome Joe Biden, Binky Thief

That babby's binky is a big fuckin' deal
So here, as they say, is a thing that happened: Georgina Bloomberg, daughter of former NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg, posted the above photo to her MyFacePlaceSpace page with the comment, “What’s a boy to do when the Vice President steals your pacifier?” Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden, Binky Thief…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To

There were too many 'manic Rachel' images to choose from today
Congress is back in session, and Rachel Maddow couldn’t be more delighted with the first-day weirdness. There’s Joe Biden being the most Joe Biden he ever gets, greeting the new Senate and swearing everybody in. While there was no Ted Cruz’s Jerk Baby this term, Joe did say some completely incomprehensible stuff, and also accidentally spat out the remnants of a mint while talking. Everyone was just adorable. Read more on Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To…
  you know you want it

Old Handsome Joe Biden Has Ten Percent Chance Of Becoming Earth’s Most Important Human Tonight

Every once in a while, some lucky American who is not the president gets to be The Most Important Human Being On Earth. For a while, it was Olympia Snowe! Sometimes, it was that schmuck from Nebraska, Ben something, fuck that guy. After tonight though, there is a 10 percent chance it will be our own true forever love, Old Handsome Joe Biden. Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Has Ten Percent Chance Of Becoming Earth’s Most Important Human Tonight…
  If 'Bitch' Is Even A Swear (Which It Isn't)

Old Handsome Joe Biden Said Another Swear!

When caffeine gets drowsy, it takes a little Joe Biden
Prepare for some pissing and moaning, probably, over Old Handsome Joe Biden just being Old Handsome Joe Biden again: Thursday, at a Harvard event, His Handsomeness said a swear, kinda-sorta: “Isn’t it a bitch, I mean … that vice president thing?” Biden joked, as the audience reportedly erupted with laughter. ”I’m joking. I’m joking. I’m joking. The best decision I ever made.” All of which leads one to wonder, once more, what Old Handsome Joe Biden has against dogs, like that time he just cold killed one. (OK, his motorcade did. Still, he’s a monster.) Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Said Another Swear!…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart: F-ck You, Shakespeare, F-ck You. (Video)

Really, who *hasn't* wanted to yell 'Fuck you, Shakepeare!' at one time or another?
Like Yr Wonkette, Jon Stewart has a soft spot for Old Handsome Joe Biden, that loveable cutup and advocate for victims of domestic violence. But golly, OHJB can put his foot in it, can’t he? Like how he referred to bankers who foreclosed on homes during the financial crisis as “Shylocks” the other day (oh, come on, Joe!). This also gave Stewart the chance to give Shakespeare the “Fuck you!” he’d been waiting 400 years to deliver. Then, fresh off apologizing for the “Shylocks” remark, America’s Goofy Uncle referred to Asia as “the Orient,” which is not the preferred nomenclature, Dude. “Orient? Shylock? It’s like Biden hasn’t been out of the house since 1962!” Read more on Jon Stewart: F-ck You, Shakespeare, F-ck You. (Video)…
  Are You Gonna Be His Girl?

Old Handsome Joe Biden Will Work For You Baby (And Work You, And Work You) Until You Succumb

Well, here is an afternoon Joe Biden Treat! Watch what happens when a woman refuses to succumb to Joe Biden’s charms because of how she is literally 108 years old, and not like Joe Biden means “literally.” Has any man ever been so constant in his attention, so single-minded in his pursuit, so not taking your 108-year-old disinterest in him for an answer? No. No man ever has. He’s got presents to ply you with, just little tokens to remind you of his intentions. He’ll play the clown if it will just light up your 108-year-old eyes with a smile. He’ll plant one on you, boy howdy, will he ever, real soft and real sweet. No, no woman is safe from a man like Joe Biden, especially not a two-time Bronze Star winner who’s got a picture of “younger, handsomer” presidents in her bedroom. Old Handsome Joe Biden is not stepping back from your challenge, oldest-living-female-veteran Lucy Coffey. And that other guy? He may be the “president,” but he’ll never work so hard to win you as dogged, scuffed-up prizefighter Scranton Joe. He’s the one who loves you. Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Will Work For You Baby (And Work You, And Work You) Until You Succumb…
  Joe Biden Swimming Deserves a Quiet Night

Old Naked Joe Biden

On clser examination, that's not OHJB doing the backstroke in a pool
The New York Daily News has the scoop on a new book that uncovers (Ha! Ha!) Old Handsome Joe Biden’s habit of swimming nude, just like John Quincy Adams, except not in the Potomac, so no lady reporters can sit on his clothes to get an exclusive interview. According to Wall Street Journal reporter Ronald Kessler’s The First Family Detail: Secret Service Agents Reveal the Hidden Lives of the Presidents, out later this week, Secret Service agents are a bit squicked out by the Vice President’s swimming attire: Read more on Old Naked Joe Biden…
  dancin' fool

Old Handsome Joe Biden Can’t Take Teen To Prom, Sends Corsage And Undersecretary Of Commerce Instead

Talia Maselli of Newington, Connecticut, is officially Yr. Wonkette’s favorite teen of the day, because of her excellent taste in men. Last fall, she sent a prom invitation to her ideal date: Old Handsome Joe Biden. Smart girl, thinks ahead. Unfortunately the Veep couldn’t make it, even after this seemingly irresistible pitch: “I am inviting you so far in advance because I’m sure many 17-year-old girls send you prom invitations, and I had to beat them to it … I could only tolerate a high school dance if I was to be escorted by the most delightful man in America.” And if Biden didn’t go, she might ask out John Boehner instead, she said. “And we can’t have that now can we?” Read more on Old Handsome Joe Biden Can’t Take Teen To Prom, Sends Corsage And Undersecretary Of Commerce Instead…
  that's so biden

Let’s All Watch Joe Biden Yell At Rapists (Video)

The White House has released a report on campus sex assault, which is good because apparently we forgot to Take Back the Night at Occidental, and Patrick Henry, and, hmmm, all the other colleges and universities in the entire land. Luckily, here is Joe Biden to YELL AT RAPISTS AND DOMESTIC ABUSERS. Let’s watch, together! Read more on Let’s All Watch Joe Biden Yell At Rapists (Video)…
  fa fa fa fashion

Joe Biden, Fashion Do

Instagram, it’s this thing. We do not actually know what it is, you look at other people’s lunch? And old pictures of Joe Biden and Chris Christie, who, judging by babby (and we are not being sizeist here, just historical-minded), seems to have begun his weight gain as sympathy bloat? How undapper and unstyley he appears next to old handsome Senator Joe Biden, who is rocking a turtleneck with total confidence, like he is on his way to drink Courvoisier with the honeys on the yacht. Senator Joe Biden, Mr. Good Times. Let us see some more Joe, schooling us all on “fashion.” Read more on Joe Biden, Fashion Do…