Tag: old handsome joe

LOL Kellyanne Conway’s Talking To Toasters! Wonkagenda For Mon., March 13, 2017

Kellyanne Conway talks to home appliances, Steve King sticks his nose where it doesn't belong, and Old Handsome Joe returns! Your morning news brief!
Really? My polling is down there?

Martin O’Malley Finally Says Something Stupid Enough To Get Noticed

Former Maryland Gov. Martin O'Malley is finally getting some attention paid to him in the Democratic primary; unfortunately, it's the kind of attention a second-tier candidate probably doesn't want. Politico reports that, when asked what he thought of the...
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort Heidi.

Hey Ted Cruz, Why Don’t You Shove Your Joe Biden ‘Jokes’ Right Up Your Bible Hole?

On Saturday, Vice President Joe Biden's son Beau died of brain cancer. On Wednesday, Ted Cruz decided the vice president, who has not even buried his son yet, had been given enough time to grieve the loss of yet another...
Having the Royal Navy bring him the stuff was probably a mistake on his part

Old Handsome Joe Biden’s Son Hoovering Up All The Cocaine

Vice President Joe Biden's son Hunter was discharged from the Navy Reserve in February of this year after failing a drug test for cocaine, according to the Wall Street Journal. It's a sad story, and pretty unremarkable, but thank...

Glenn Beck Discovers Nefarious Government Plot To Return Unclaimed Property To Rightful Owners

It's a day ending in -y, so you better bet Glenn Beck is out there whipping people into a frenzy over completely made-up shit. Seriously, what is it like to be that paranoid all the time? It must be...

Du Pont Heir Did Not Go To Prison For Sexually Assaulting His Babies Because Prison Is Hard On Rich People

So we were thinking this HuffPo article could not possibly be real, because this is the sort of shit that only happens on teevee when there was always one of the terrible caricatures of "liberal judges" on "Law and...

Laura Bush, Feminist Hero: When There Is A First Gentleman, We Should Fat-Shame Him And Laugh At His Clothes

We usually don't get around to praising Laura Bush much in these parts. Our feelings on her tend to run the gamut from "meh" to "oh, do shut up." But we are pretty into her latest interview, where she...

Larry Klayman Was Very Excellent At Being Larry Klayman In 2013: A Retrospective

Did you know that when Yr Wonket counts its blessings, we count Larry Klayman first and always? You probably did not know this, but it is god's own truth, because if there were no Larry Klayman, there would be...

Old Handsome Joe Biden Asks If Japanese Ladies’ Husbands Gave Them Permission To Get Jerbs

Oh, golly, Old Handsome Joe... You know, we get you, but not everybody gets you. You understand we literally love you to death, but sometimes, you sort of literally put your foot in your mouth? Like during this meeting...

Old Handsome Joe Biden Calls Every Martin Walsh In Book, Gets New Boston Mayor Eventually

Old Handsome Joe Biden accidentally called the wrong Martin Walsh Tuesday night to congratulate him on being elected Mayor of Boston. Instead of reaching the new mayor, OHJB called a former Ted Kennedy staffer with the same name, starting...

‘Nice John McCain’ Temporarily In Charge, Compliments Hillary & Biden; Surly Johnny Hungers To Taste Flesh Once More

Oh, hey, it's "Statesman McCain" today! In Chicago today, Walnuts said that he believed that Hillary Clinton would make a "very strong candidate" for the 2016 Democratic nomination: I don’t think there’s any doubt she has widespread support. Her work...

Ted Cruz Thinks He Is Better Than Old Handsome Joe Biden, Is Incorrect

There has been some dumb bullshit that is dumb, and bullshit, lately. But Ted Cruz calling Joe Biden a joke that doesn't need a punchline, is some real fucking chootzpah. Let us review! Joe Biden: Is old. Is handsome. Is a gangster. Did...

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Slog Through The Slushpile

Welcome to a Gummint Shutdown Edition of the Derp Roundup, your weekly accumulation of asinine asshattery from the aether that was too stoopid to ignore completely but that we weren't inclined to waste a full-length post on. To start...

Old Handsome Joe Biden Slanders Neanderthals With Comparison To VAWA Opponents

Your Old Handsome Joe Biden hurt some sensitive fee-fees Thursday when he compared Republicans who held back reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act to early hominids, calling them "this sort of Neanderthal crowd" in the House. Advocates for...

White House Telegraphs Support For Egyptian Military; Tweets Picture Of Joe Biden With Joe Camel

What is going on here, HENGHHH? On the day we get news that at least 95 people have been bathed in their own blood by the Egyptian military, the White House tweets this bizarre picture of our own Old...

GQ Reporter Gets Some Old Man Biden On Her, Will Have All His Babbies Now

Hey, whatcha reading? Oh, something besides this GQ story about Old Handsome Joe Biden, God Bless Him and Keep Him? Why are you so dumb? Here, let us read, together, the things in Jeanne Marie Laskas's profile that will...