Tag Archives: Oklahoma

  Fashion Police

Oklahoma Legislator Wants Hoodies To Be Illegal When Cops Feel Like It, Punk

Image via KOTV video Oklahoma state Sen. Don Barrington has decided to use the power of his office to take a bold stand against depraved criminals menacing the public. He’s apparently taken inspiration from noted crime experts like Geraldo Rivera and  an Oklahoma City liquor store manager, taking aim at the greatest threat imaginable to the safety of his constituents: outerwear garments with attached head coverings. Read more on Oklahoma Legislator Wants Hoodies To Be Illegal When Cops Feel Like It, Punk…
  Florida: A Living Segregation History Museum

If Florida Counties Have To Marry The Gays, They Just Won’t Marry Anyone. Happy Now, The Gays?

How gay
So now that the Supreme Court has crammed marriage equality down Florida’s throat, some Florida counties are responding with a move that seems almost reflexive for Southern states that don’t want to have the wrong people’s “civil rights” forced upon them. Rather than perform same-sex marriages, the clerks of the court for five Florida counties have decided that they just plain won’t perform any marriage ceremonies at their courthouses anymore: Read more on If Florida Counties Have To Marry The Gays, They Just Won’t Marry Anyone. Happy Now, The Gays?…
  We Completely Left Out Odin Again

2014: The Year In God-Bothering

If it's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
God had another big year in 2014, especially right near the end, when His Servant on Earth, Bill O’Reilly, finally declared victory in the War on Christmas. So we can look forward to a 2015 that’s free of that particular topic, we bet. Even so, it would appear that there are still a few areas of American life where religion has caused a wee bit of a ruckus. Like, let’s say, the courts, where the Supremes declared that the Hobby Lobby corporation’s sincerely held religious beliefs can exempt them from following laws they don’t like. Not that there’s going to be any weird fallout from that decision, like people suing for the right to ignore child labor laws because God says it’s OK. Read more on 2014: The Year In God-Bothering…
  Pretty Princess Or Petty Tyrant?

Obama Proclaims Self Princess-For-Life Of America

So arrogant!
In case you have any doubts that Barack Obama believes himself to be not merely an employee of the People of the United States, but rather an emperor or a czar or a pretty pony princess, look no further than this June 2014 photo of him succumbing to the temptation to wear a crown. Politico attempts to spin it as a cute end-of-year story in which the would-be monarch is merely goofing around with some girl scouts: Read more on Obama Proclaims Self Princess-For-Life Of America…
  buzzkills

Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man

Colorado is coming up on its one-year weediversary! In keeping with the paper gift traditionally given on first anniversaries, two of its neighbors went in on a lovingly handcrafted lawsuit. In the most serious legal challenge to date against Colorado’s legalization of marijuana, two neighboring states have asked the U.S. Supreme Court to strike down the history-making law. Read more on Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Tom Coburn Says Saving Veterans From Suicide Costs Too Much (Video)

Here's what it takes to get Rachel Maddow to cry
It’s certainly not news that suicide among veterans is a big problem. It’s also not news that expanded services for veterans is usually a popular idea. Consider the outrage earlier this year at delays in treatment at Veterans Administration hospitals, which resulted in the resignation of Eric Shinseki. And so it was pretty encouraging last week that, even in this do-nothing Congress, the House managed to pass the Clay Hunt Veterans Suicide Prevention Act, named after a Marine veteran who committed suicide in 2011 after being diagnosed with PTSD. There’s also broad bipartisan support for the bill in the Senate. Only one small problem: retiring Sen. Tom Coburn, who has placed a hold on the bill because its $22 million cost over five years is just too unspeakably high, and because, he says, the bill duplicates other services the VA could provide without new legislation. Read more on Morning Maddow: Tom Coburn Says Saving Veterans From Suicide Costs Too Much (Video)…
  Trolling The Ancient Yuletide Carol

Satanic Temple Getting The Devil All Over Florida Now

In a victory for something, we guess, our favorite Separation Of Church And State trolls at the completely serious “Satanic Temple” have succeeded in winning a place for their “Fallen Angel” diorama in the Florida State Capitol. You may recall that last year, their effort to have the poor wingless thing added to the Capitol’s holiday display was rebuffed as “grossly offensive,” although the committee in charge of the seasonal idiocy did allow a Festivus pole made of beer cans and a statue of the Flying Spaghetti Monster made of whatever you make that out of. Read more on Satanic Temple Getting The Devil All Over Florida Now…
  Convenient Timing...Or Murder???

Did Obama Murder This Oklahoma Congressional Candidate Last Night? Probably

Another victim of Obama's 11th dimensional chess game?
So far, nobody’s calling it a conspiracy, but it’s the only reasonable conclusion: just days before the election, a nice old man running for Congress died after being hit by a car, and you just know that Obama had to be involved. Earl Emmitt Everett, 81, a retired teacher and Korean War vet, died Sunday after being critically injured in an “accident” Friday. He’d been running a “decided underdog” campaign against Oklahoma Republican Markwayne Mullin, and … oh, Everett was a Democrat? Never mind then. Just an accident. Read more on Did Obama Murder This Oklahoma Congressional Candidate Last Night? Probably…
  The Power Of Christ Compelled Him

Silly Oklahoma Christian, You Are Supposed To Burn The Witch, Not Behead Him

If beheading was good enough for Leonora Dori Galigai, it's good enough for college guys who play Magic: The Gathering
OMG there’s been another religiously motivated beheading (fine, near-beheading) in Oklahoma! In Stillwater on Wednesday, 21-year-old Isaiah Zoar Marin had been watching a whole bunch of YouTube videos about Christianity, when apparently, the Spirit of the Lord drove him to take literally the infallible word of God in Exodus 22:18: “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.” Read more on Silly Oklahoma Christian, You Are Supposed To Burn The Witch, Not Behead Him…
  Another Hotbed Of Extremism (We Mean Breitbart)

Dead Breitbart Outraged Muslims Helped Rebuild Oklahoma After Tornado

Muslim sharks will behead you!
Hey, just how paranoid and crazy is Dead Breitbart today? Well, howzabout this here headline? WHITE HOUSE SENDS ‘THANK YOU’ TO BEHEADER’S OKLAHOMA MOSQUE CONGREGATION Good gracious gravy, why is the White House praising the nest of vipers that spawned Oklahoma beheader man Alton Nolen? After all, as all right-wingers know, Nolen singlehandedly brought Jihad to America a couple weeks back when he cut off a woman’s head in a horrible murder, even though the local DA continues to think, wrongly of course, that Nolen was more motivated by being fired for being a racist than by his religion — probably because, as everyone knows, Oklahoma prosecutors are so notoriously PC. Read more on Dead Breitbart Outraged Muslims Helped Rebuild Oklahoma After Tornado…
  Open up and say awwwwww yeah

Gay Supreme Court Jams Gay Gay Marriage Down Red States’ Gay Gay Gay Throats (With Gayness)

Yeah, we're getting throat-crammed
The Supreme Court is sick and tired of your whining, red states, and does not even want to hear you cry about gay marriage anymore. The justices already told you your dumb marriage bans are dumb, and what part of “IT’S THE 21ST CENTURY, GET OVER IT ALREADY!!!” do you not understand? Read more on Gay Supreme Court Jams Gay Gay Marriage Down Red States’ Gay Gay Gay Throats (With Gayness)…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why Aren’t You Cowards Afraid Of Muslims Like You Should Be?

Twilight Sparkle and Rachel Maddow would be buds, for sure.
Time for another visit to the ol’ comment queue, where we find that our coverage of the Scary Muslim Beheading In Oklahoma really set off this one person going by the username”Karolthekafir,” who appears to be inordinately fond of limes. Over the space of a couple days, karolthekafir left just under 20 comments on the one story, and they shared a certain… predictability after a while. Here’s one of karol’s first efforts to educate us poor benighted liberals to the need for immediate panic: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why Aren’t You Cowards Afraid Of Muslims Like You Should Be?…
  700 Flub

Pat Robertson Pretty Sure Obama’s Going To Behead Everybody Just Like He Did In Oklahoma

Why does Obama hate freedom scams?
Today, we’ve learned a little more about last Thursday’s awful murder in Oklahoma, and according to the local district attorney, it appears that racial animosity may have had more to do with Alton Nolen’s motives than religion did. Read more on Pat Robertson Pretty Sure Obama’s Going To Behead Everybody Just Like He Did In Oklahoma…
  One Ringy Dingy

Arkansas Hero Lady Bans Muslims From Gun Range So They Can’t Cut Off Your Head

The tinny tones of Jihad!
In a world where scary Muslims are cutting off heads every few minutes, and where scary Muslims are also just generally being scary all the time, it only makes sense to be scared of Muslims, and to keep your business safe from them. That’s why Jan Morgan, owner of the Gun Cave Indoor Firing Range in Hot Springs, Arkansas, has declared her business to be a “Muslim-Free Zone.” She has a pretty good reason, too, which we’re sure will be very convincing to anyone who tries to argue that Title II of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 might apply to her business: Read more on Arkansas Hero Lady Bans Muslims From Gun Range So They Can’t Cut Off Your Head…
  How To Get A Head At Newscorp

Fox Idiot: Why Does Barack Obama Want You To Get Beheaded?

Just like the Rapture, any day now...
Hey, did you hear about that beheading in Oklahoma last week? Did you know that beheadings are on the rise here in U.S. America, with over 100% more beheadings by fired ex-convicts in September 2014 than in the whole rest of the year? Fortunately, killer Alton Nolen was stopped from attacking a second worker at Vaughan Foods when the company’s Chief Operating Officer, Mark Vaughan, shot him. This proves that if your executive staff includes an off-duty Sheriff’s Reserve deputy who is nearby with his or her weapon handy, you will never ever have to worry about more than one person at your business getting beheaded. Read more on Fox Idiot: Why Does Barack Obama Want You To Get Beheaded?…
  Head Games

Oklahoma Jihad Update: Please Be More Afraid. You Are Not Afraid Enough Yet

A sneakiy new tactic to blend in
On Friday, we brought you the story of a horrific murder committed in Moore, Oklahoma. Alton Nolen, a man who was fired from his job at a produce processing plant, killed one woman and injured a second, and now the wingnuttosphere is in a tizzy about jihad in Oklahoma, because Nolen was said by co-workers to have tried, unsuccessfully, to convince others to convert. Therefore, in the minds of top thinkers like Pam Geller and Jim Hoft, the Stupidest Man on the Internet, Nolen’s rampage is the inevitable result of Islam, and anyone who thinks this was merely “workplace violence” is willfully blind to the reality of the Muslim Threat. See, for instance this bit of screaming from Hoft today: Read more on Oklahoma Jihad Update: Please Be More Afraid. You Are Not Afraid Enough Yet…
  You have a First Amendment right to pray to any Jesus you want

Fox News So Mad At Oklahoma Satanists

He is A Expert
The Fox gang was having a nice Sunday morning chat about Adam McDaniel, the leader of the Dakhma of Angra Mainyu Syndicate, a Satanic group in Oklahoma that organized a public mass to be held in Oklahoma City’s Civic Center. You’ll be shocked to know that Fox and its official religion contributor have all of a sudden discovered just how wrong it is to allow a religious service on public property. So. Very. Wrong. Read more on Fox News So Mad At Oklahoma Satanists…
  Surrey with the lunatic fringe on top

Oklahoma Lawmaker Definitely Not Racist Against Muslim Islamics, Because Dictionary

He seems nice
Oklahoma state Rep. John Bennett is just an ordinary America-loving guy who resents being called a “racist” or an “Islamophobe” just because he tells the absolute undiluted truth about Islam, which is that it isn’t really a religion, but is instead a social and political movement that is aimed at world domination and destroying western culture. Oh, and also, it’s “a cancer in our nation that needs to be cut out.” But he means that in a fact-based way, not a hateful or phobic kind of way. Read more on Oklahoma Lawmaker Definitely Not Racist Against Muslim Islamics, Because Dictionary…
  actually the end doesn't justify the means

Louisiana Department Of Corrections Totally Cool With Lying If It Allows Them To Kill People Quicker

Just running it up the gallows and seeing if anyone salutes
You will recall that we are running out of ways to say executions are botched, both because right now there is a rash of botched executions and also because all executions are botched. And let’s face it – it isn’t easy to make with the funny about the state killing people, even for us. So that’s why we’re just over here in the corner stone cold guzzling bleach over this story about how the Louisiana Department of Corrections really wanted to kill Christopher Sepulvado, but they did not actually have the right drugs that they’d previously approved with which to kill people, so they just lied to a hospital about why they needed them, and voila! problem solved! Read more on Louisiana Department Of Corrections Totally Cool With Lying If It Allows Them To Kill People Quicker…
  the stupid it burns

Oklahoma Attorney General Doesn’t Understand How Science, The EPA, Or Teevee Works, Apparently

It will not surprise any of you to learn that those of us behind the scenes here at yr Wonkette are not a particularly prayerful bunch. Prayer time interferes with our sexxxytime and getting high and it REALLY fucks up our general adherence to godless communism. But we are seriously considering taking up prayer to beat back the tide of these weird Dominionist types that just won’t be happy until they completely and literally ravage the Earth, secure in their knowledge that once they’ve used up all the fossil fuels and whatnot, God will just rapture them away or make more oil or whatever. Read more on Oklahoma Attorney General Doesn’t Understand How Science, The EPA, Or Teevee Works, Apparently…
  no more beeping heart liberals

Oklahoma Hu-Man Loses GOP Primary To Android Or Replicant Or Lizard Person (Unclear)

So apparently this is just Weird Candidate day at Yr. Wonkette (OK, maybe every day is that). In addition to our recovering public-wanking addict in Michigan, we also are delighted to bring you this important news about Mr. Timothy Ray Murray, a Republican candidate for the Oklahoma House: Unlike the other guy, he is very definitely NOT a robot, an android, a replicant, or a cyborg. He is 100% positronic about that! On his campaign homepage, Murray makes it very clear that he is “a human, born in Oklahoma,” and that he will never use a look alike to replace my (The Office’s) message to you or to anyone else, as both the other Republican Challengers have. Read more on Oklahoma Hu-Man Loses GOP Primary To Android Or Replicant Or Lizard Person (Unclear)…