Happy Gayvember, everyone! How is the Pentagon defying G_d today? Per Stars and Stripes: Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel on Thursday sharply criticized U.S. states that are defying the Pentagon by refusing to allow National Guard facilities to issue ID cards that enable same-sex spouses of military members to claim benefits. “This is wrong,” Hagel said […]

After sleeping and dreaming of Canadians stabbing our ears with nasal whining, we unfortunately woke up to Ted Cruz still rambling on the teevee, somewhat incoherently, about how Obamacare is the love child of a threesome between the Plague, Hitler’s mustache, and Nickleback. Because we hate ourselves and love Our Glorious Reader all too much, […]

We started the morning with the tale of responsible gun owner Shemane Nugent, who accidentally forgot that there was a handgun in her carry on luggage; now, even more brilliance from the responsible gun owners of America. How about Wendell Docteur of Stratford, Connecticut? He was out for a ride on his bike with a […]

Gays have it so easy, man. They can marry in 13 states, people – THIRTEEN! That’s as many as were originally in America when Jesus walked across the Atlantic Ocean to found this nation! And they can serve openly in the military, no longer having to fear being outed as they risk their lives in […]

Well, kids, since it has been about five whole seconds since some Republican said President Obama should be impeached, it’s about that time again. Who is impeachsplaining at us today? Why, it’s Oklahoma Sen. Tom Coburn (no, not that spackle-brained dick weasel Oklahoma senator, but the other one). And why are we IMPEACH!ing the president […]

Oklahoma concresscritter Markwayne “Not a Typo” Mullin is burning up the Saying Dumb Shit At Town Halls circuit this week! Last time we saw him, he was explaining that while he agrees with birthers, they can’t win, and also we need to get rid of food assistance because he saw a physically fit couple with […]

On the one hand, Oklahoma congresscritter Markwayne “Not a typo” Mullin doesn’t have a lot of patience for this self-described “Birther Princess” who keeps trying to hand him Joe Arpaio’s absolutely conclusive Birther Holy Grail. In fact, at one point (1:08), he even says, “Honestly, I don’t even give a shit.” We’d really like to […]

Oh, Google. Masters of our fate, keepers of our email, facilitators of our sexytime midday work chatting. We like you. We really really like you. We might gay marry you for, say, 1% of your stock. But we’re kinda not down with you helping climate deniers like treacherous windbag Jim Inhofe get cold hard cash […]

So we missed taking pictures of SO MANY PEOPLE at our Norman, Oklahoma, Wonk Your Brains Out Drinky Thing and Orgy, because of how we left Miss Lisa Wines to die on the fields of Bleedy Kansas, and it certainly wasn’t OUR job to take the fucking pictures, LISA. Like, for instance, nowhere on our […]

Attention Wonklahomans! The 2013 Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest-Southwest Orgy and World Tour is on its exciting “Homeward Bound: The Quickening” leg (also known as the “Hey, does this Prius smell funny to you?” leg), and is swinging back through the Sooner State tonight! As part of an exclusive two-day side tour of cities whose […]

Hey, Wonkansanites! The 2013 Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest-Southwest Orgy and World Tour is thundering into your fine state like… like… like two road-ragey ladies in a Prius, we think! And tonight is the night that they will “drop the bomb” on Lawrence, Kansas, a joke that we are 100% certain you guys have not […]

Hola dudes, sorry we haven’t rapped at you lately, or uploaded all our pictures of your beautiful faces in Chicago, and Madison, and Minneapolis, and whatnot. We will get on that right away sort of! Are we going to throw a party in Des Moines, Iowa, for you tonight? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Goddamn are we tired. […]

And so it begins. Week One of our Wonk Your Brains Out Midwest Southwest World Tour starts this coming Wednesday, and mama has yet to get a fucking tuneup, gah. Remember, all parties are free unless’n you want to bring a checkbook with donations for Habitat for Humanity, and no, you do not have to […]

Nebraska and Oklahoma: Two neighboring states that proudly embrace their independent pioneer heritage, their rival university f’ball teams with silly names, and their domination by agribusiness interests — they are like power bottoms for Archer Daniels Midland! Both states also share a near-complete stranglehold on state politics by the GOP. (Oh sure, Nebraska’s weirdass unicameral […]

Gee, I wonder what will happen if we build roads and bridges, then completely ignore them for decades and drastically cut funding everywhere in order to suck the knob of the right wing’s newest golden calf, austerity? Surely nothing bad will happen ever, because debt and deficit are lurking in the corner, threatening to molest […]