Fine then: What is your name? Do you know what your name is? CAN YOU ANSWER THIS QUESTION? [Oklahoma Council of Public Affairs]

One fellow on the Internet is very upset that greatest hero ever George W. Bush charged hundreds of dollars for tickets to his “rodeo speech” in some wingnut Oklahoma town on July 4, but whatever, money is cool. Your Wonkette, however, is very disappointed in Junior for something else, his biggest mistake since Iraq and Harriet Miers combined: he won’t stop telling this same exact joke about picking up Barney’s dog shit and how it is beneath him. MORE »

Oklahoma state Rep. Sally Kern is famous for hating the Gays this one time, on YouTube, last year. In a hilarious recorded message to supporters, she claimed that the Gay Cancer was going to kill everyone, making the Gays “the biggest threat our nation has, even more so than terrorism or Islam.” And then everyone kept calling her son gay, which he denied, although he was “affiliated with the Des Moines School of Metaphysics,” which means: gay as the dickens. But this is all old news. The new news is that Ms. Rep. Kern has introduced a delightful new bill into her legislative chamber! MORE »

If the town of Woodward, Oklahoma wore pants, it would be shitting them right now. The president is coming to visit, you see! No, not that president — the real one, with the sticker. He will make this 4th of July the most exciting holiday since Opal Cornhole’s goat got into the vodka-filled watermelon and spent the evening humping a lamppost. MORE »

• ANOTHER RECENT MAINSTREAM GOP FAD THAT ONLY EIGHT MONTHS AGO WAS CONSIDERED EXTREME FOR PAULTARDS: The Oklahoma legislature has followed in the footsteps of Texas and passed an important resolution declaring state sovereignty. Lovely. Go on now, don’t stop there, secede! Goodbye! See you in a few days, when the “American military” firebombs your capital! [Oklahoman]

Oklahoma Sen. Jim Inhofe is a maniacal anti-science oil-eating death ogre, a.k.a. the smartest person in the Republican Party, except for Ronald Reagan and, hmm, Michael Goldfarb. He is so brilliant at life that the liberal New York Times invited him to weigh in on its discussion blog, “Room For Debate,” about the possible repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Instead of writing about this issue, however, he just threw down some hot-shit psychobabble about Arlen Specter that makes no sense at all to us, the idiots. MORE »

Oklahoma, a state as thick and red as artery blood, actually had a pretty fun idea for the kids recently! It opened an online vote — they have the Internet there, too! — for the public to select the state’s Official Rock Song, the winner of which would be passed on to the state legislature for final approval. A number of liberal Internet music weblogs linked to the vote, and so the winner by a large margin was the song “Do You Realize??” by those delightful drug monsters, The Flaming Lips, who are from Oklahoma. The resolution to coronate this song passed the state Senate unanimously… but then it got to the House! And all it takes is one wingnut to start yelling “communism” and “death” to spoil everyone’s fun. And all it takes is one liberal Democrat governor to tell that wingnut to eat a bag of dicks! MORE »

Many of Republican Senator Tom Coburn’s Oklahoma constituents were INCENSED to see their senator locked in a pornographic gay embrace with the President after his fake state of the union address a couple weeks back. In the aftermath, Coburn received 50 letters from outraged citizens asking him why he would go and do such a dirty thing with a known socialist on national TV. MORE »

OKLAHOMA DEVIL-HOMOSEXUAL COMIC GUY ON CNN: Hilarious accused felon & Oklahoma county commissioner Brett Rinehart tells the teevee news, “I’m not even sure as to what ‘homophobic’ means, but let’s just keep in mind that we are in a cultural war.” [CNN/Raw Story]

Brent Rinehart is a commissioner in Oklahoma County, which is in Oklahoma. Rinehart has been charged with felony campaign-finance crimes and will be tried this fall, which isn’t helping his campaign for re-election. So he wrote this comic book (PDF) and is sending it to everybody in his district. MORE »

One sad Oklahoma church won’t be giving away a very special semiautomatic assault rifle to one lucky boy or girl who loves the Lord. The Windsor Hills Baptist Church is holding a youth conference next week, which will feature “21 hours of preaching and teaching.” A shootin’ contest was also on the docket until the gentleman running the sacred event had to stay home because of “bone spurs on his foot” or somesuch (that is what they say in this video, here) so now the winner won’t get an AR-15 semiautomatic assault rifle, and Jesus weeps. [KOCO Oklahoma City]