Tag Archives: Oklahoma

  The Suin' 'Er State

Oklahoma Supreme Court Murders God

Note th' Illuminati symbol over th' Eagle!!!
In your Separation of Church and State Nice Time, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that a Ten Commandments monument at the state Capitol building has to be removed, because it violates the Oklahoma Constitution, never mind the U.S. one. Fans of Establishment Clause trolls the Satanic Temple aren’t sure whether to rejoice or be a little sad today, because now the group has no reason to push for the inclusion of its awesome statue of Baphomet giving his Satanic blessing to little children. Sadly, we have a feeling it will still be needed elsewhere. Read more on Oklahoma Supreme Court Murders God…
  Do You Want to Build A Snow Job?

Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil

The Holy Snowball Of Muskogee
Sometimes Yr Wonkette thinks it might be “fun” to actually be located in Our Nation’s Capital, rather than in the wilds of Boise, Idaho, if only because it would then be possible to attend fun events like the Heartland Institute’s “climate conference” being held this week in DC, where Sen. James “If Global Warming Is Real Why Is There Snow?” Inhofe told Pope Francis to keep his mind on poping and to leave climate science to idiots on the payroll of Big Oil. Read more on Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil…
  Hijab Discrimination

Supreme Court Spreads Sharia Law All Over Abercrombie & Fitch’s Popped Collar

Obviously the wrong image for A&F
The Supreme Court has ruled in favor of a Muslim woman who sued douchey prepster image factory Abercrombie & Fitch for refusing to hire her because she wore a headscarf to her job interview. Would you believe this is not Abercrombie’s first court case involving Muslim women wearing head scarves? Surprise! Brace yourselves for the inevitable squeals about Creeping Sharia taking over or something. Read more on Supreme Court Spreads Sharia Law All Over Abercrombie & Fitch’s Popped Collar…
  But no camps!

Texas Happy To Let Obama Invade With FEMA Now Please

Don't fall for it, Texas! Drowning is better than federal tyranny!
Here’s President Barack Obama explaining Tuesday that he’s ready to direct federal aid to Texas, which has suffered deadly flooding since the weekend, with more rain and flash flooding on the way. At least 31 people have died in storms that have hit Oklahoma, Texas, and Mexico, and 13 people are still missing. Strangely, almost nobody in Texas is refusing the offer of federal aid, with the possible exception of keyboard warriors like “Liberty Prime,” whose comment on the YouTube video above is simply “Us texans don’t want you here obama!!!!” Read more on Texas Happy To Let Obama Invade With FEMA Now Please…
  Sincerely Helled Beliefs

Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too

Enough Norman Rockwell, and you're damned forever
We are once again pleasantly gobsmacked by the simple brilliance of our favorite First Amendment trolls, the dead-serious activist/satirists at the Satanic Temple. If Christianists are going to insist that sincerely held religious beliefs give them an opt-out for any law, then by the Hoary Beard of Baphomet, the same should hold for Satanists, which is why the Missouri branch of the Satanic Temple is preparing to sue for the right of a Satanist lady to skip Missouri’s dumb 72-hour waiting period for an abortion. Read more on Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too…
  Wonder what else Jesus is preventing him from doing

Jesus Saves Oklahoma Rep From Murdering Himself With Fire For The Unborn Babies

You know that thing, where you are SO MAD about abortion that you are just about ready to pour gasoline all over your nekkid Oklahoman body and light yourself on fire, but you won’t, because you love Jesus too much? Of course you’ve been there, you are pro-life! Well, Jesus himself has stepped in to prevent that from happening yet again, in the case of Republican state Rep. Kevin Calvey of Oklahoma City. You see, Oklahoma House members were just having a nice friendly debate about SB 548, which would give Okie Supreme Court judges and other court employees a little 6% raise. Now, one would not think that this would progress to a hysterical shitfit about running across the street into the courthouse with your pants LITERALLY on fire, because you are so mad about abortion, but that’s because you don’t love Jesus as much as Calvey does, therefore you don’t understand. Read more on Jesus Saves Oklahoma Rep From Murdering Himself With Fire For The Unborn Babies…
  Law And Order: Margaritaville

Tulsa Pretend Cop Enters Plea, Takes Bahamas Vacation Like Any Other Manslaughter Suspect

It's been a really rough couple of weeks
Robert Bates, the 73-year-old Tulsa, Oklahoma, insurance executive who likes to play cop, and also shot a guy dead, pleaded not guilty to second-degree manslaughter charges Tuesday, then got the judge’s permission to go ahead and take a family vacation in the Bahamas, because why not? What, the man has already had his name dragged through the press for shooting a suspect to death when he grabbed his .357 revolver instead of his taser — you monsters want him to lose his deposit, too? Hasn’t Reserve Deputy Bates suffered enough? Read more on Tulsa Pretend Cop Enters Plea, Takes Bahamas Vacation Like Any Other Manslaughter Suspect…
  Have YOU Considered A Hobby In Law Enforcement?

Tulsa Sheriff’s Office Faked Certification For Cosplaying Cop Who Accidentally Killed A Man, Oops

Gee. Who could have told someone to fake the records?
It was bad enough that the Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office apparently makes a habit of handing a badge and a gun to any rich schmuck who buys the department some flak vests and a few Crown Vics. Which is how reserve deputy Robert Bates, 73, found himself shooting Eric Harris to death, mistakenly thinking, Bates says, that he’d grabbed his taser. But don’t worry about the reserve deputy program; the Sheriff’s Office insisted Bates was fully trained as an “advanced reserve,” and had a whole assload of training in proper law enforcement procedure. He was just as well-trained as a real live deputy. Read more on Tulsa Sheriff’s Office Faked Certification For Cosplaying Cop Who Accidentally Killed A Man, Oops…
  Black Lives Are Matter

Which Incompetent Dopes Are We Handing Guns And Badges To This Week?

Mistakes Were Made
Left: Pretend Cop Robert Bates; Right: Real Actual Dead Person Eric Harris, shot to death by Pretend Cop Robert Bates Now that we’ve finally charged a murderous cop with murder, it’s time to get back to the usual routine of cops just plain shooting people for the hell of it, or because in the heat of the moment they mistook their pistol for their taser, or because they’re incompetent wealthy guys who gave a bunch of money to the local Sheriff’s office so they could play at being Real Police. Or in the case of reserve Tulsa County Sheriff’s deputy Robert Bates, how about all three? Read more on Which Incompetent Dopes Are We Handing Guns And Badges To This Week?…
  but really this is terrible food

Republicans Are So In Love With Chick-Fil-A Maybe They Should Gay Marry It

The Almighty’s favorite chicken sammich
National Journal, Ron Fournier’s Church of Both Sides Do It, is out with some Very Serious Journalism™: It turns out that, after Chick-fil-A was outed as a shitty fast-food company run by gay-hating Christianists oppressed by the Gay Mafia and the Feminazis, congressional Republicans decided they really, really loved them some fried chicken sandwiches, like, all the time, for the Lord. Read more on Republicans Are So In Love With Chick-Fil-A Maybe They Should Gay Marry It…
  but jesus told me to give her a black eye

Religious Freedom To Hate Gays And Maybe Beat Your Wife Spreading Everywhere, Hooray!

Mission accomplished!
Now that The Great Gay Scourge is spreading unfettered across the land — what with the gays marrying and not being thrown into jail and/or executed for the buttsechs — it is time for us to focus on the Real Victims of Oppression. We are referring, of course, to good, honest, Bible-believing Christians, whose God-given right to prevent gays from public housing and accommodations has come under threat from the tyranny of judicial activists. Read more on Religious Freedom To Hate Gays And Maybe Beat Your Wife Spreading Everywhere, Hooray!…
  Obama's filling your grandma's doughnut hole right nice

Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money

Now Grandma gets to go to the Horseshoe, THANKS OBAMA.
U.S. Americans have been lately wondering why their Oklahoma Grandma has been sending them TWO crisp twenties for their birthdays these past few years. Is she sick? Has she reached the point where she can’t count moneys anymore? GOOD NEWS, it is not that, your Okie Mee-Maw is just fine! It turns out that, due to the Affordable Care Act, more popularly known as “Obamacare,” Grandma Rose has a bit more cash to throw around, stemming from Obamacare’s efforts to close the so-called “doughnut hole” in Medicare Part D, a dumb coverage gap that causes seniors to spend many extra dollars per year on prescriptions that they actually need. So far, though, since Black President death paneled all the Olds in 2010, Oklahoma grandmas (and grandpas, and grandsgenders, and also disabled people covered by Medicare who are not “grand” age) have saved $191 million on their prescription drugs, hurray! You know who is going to the race track this weekend? Yes, it is Grandma Rose and her 65,158 best friends: Read more on Obamacare Death Panels Oklahoma Old People, By Giving Them So Much Money…
  oklahomo ok!

Oklahoma Just Made It Easier For Everyone To Get Married, To Spite Gays! Thanks Gays!

Todd Russ (R-Dumbfuck), the wingnut who could accidentally make gay marriage even easier in Oklahoma
Oklahoma’s House of Representatives has gotten on its white horse and rode up to the rescue of poor, poor county clerks who just can’t be imposed upon to do their fucking jobs — issuing marriage licenses to everyone, even the homo sort — due to their Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs™. It’s passed a bill, introduced by State Rep. Todd Russ, which would take ALL MARRIAGE out of the hands of the state, and sign that responsibility over to Pastor Joseph who handles the snakes: Read more on Oklahoma Just Made It Easier For Everyone To Get Married, To Spite Gays! Thanks Gays!…
  Ten Thousand Applicants One Cup

Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere

We might go see a band named 'Welfare Piss Test'
In an enormous surprise to nobody who saw it fail miserably in Florida, it turns out that drug-testing applicants for welfare doesn’t work well anywhere else, either. Think Progress reviewed the seven states that currently require applicants for Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) and found that they’re all spending a huge amount of money to “ferret out very few drug users.” Imagine that! In addition to being found unconstitutional, at least in Florida so far, the programs don’t find many drug users: a far smaller percentage than in the general population. But that’s not stopping about a dozen other states — including Montana, Texas, West Virginia, and the libertarian paradise that is Wisconsin, of course — from proposing such programs, because slapping poor people around is always politically popular. Read more on Welfare Drug Tests Don’t Work, So Now Republicans Want Them Everywhere…
  beware those muslims being muslims in public!

Homeless Crazy Jesus Lady Knows Who’s Being Invaded By Muslims (It Is Oklahoma)

Guys, do you remember Christine Weick? Of course you remember Christine Weick. Christine Weick is the nice and not at all bugshit crazy American Patriot who drives around in her SUV from town to town — she is NOT HOMELESS, SHUT UP, SHE HAS A BANK ACCOUNT AND EVERYTHING — rambling on about Muslims and homosexuals and how Monster Energy Drinks are of the devil. And here’s the good news: She’s coming to save you, Oklahoma, from the scourge of the Islamics doing prayers to their false god and stuff. Read more on Homeless Crazy Jesus Lady Knows Who’s Being Invaded By Muslims (It Is Oklahoma)…
  Science Is Hard So Don't Believe It

Scientists Directly Observe Greenhouse Effect, Like That Proves Anything

Atmospheric Emitted Radiance Interferometer near Barrow, Alaska. Note that there's still snow. SO FAKE.
In some pretty cool science that won’t change the mind of a single climate denier, climate scientists have observed carbon dioxide trapping heat in the atmosphere, which you’d think would be enormously important evidence that would put an end to the “debate” over global warming. We’re going to have to call Salon’s headline about the news just a tad optimistic, though: “Scientists stick it to climate deniers: Study provides direct evidence that human activity is causing global warming.” Read more on Scientists Directly Observe Greenhouse Effect, Like That Proves Anything…
  This does NOT mean wingnuts are just like ISIS

ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!

Ha ha ha, sometimes there are Serious News Headlines that just make a person fall into fits of LOL-giggles, and Talking Points Memo has served one up! We were just clicking through our Facebook, or maybe our news reader, we cannot remember, we were drinking, and saw the news that “ISIS Bans Teaching Evolution In Schools.” Extremist terrorist Muslims and wingnut Christians, they are just like us each other! Read more on ISIS And American Red States Agree: People Aren’t Descended From Some Damn Monkey!…
  Another Great Idea From The Sooner State

Oklahoma Republicans Want Proof You Don’t Have Sex Cooties Before You Get Married

Herpes: they're kinda like diamonds
If you live in Oklahoma and would like to get married, great! You can do that, even if you want to do it gay style, because Oklahoma is all open and liberal like that now. All you need is an application for a marriage license and a note from your doctor that your naughty bits don’t have diseases, and then just pick out your china pattern and — Oh, HANG ON. What? Read more on Oklahoma Republicans Want Proof You Don’t Have Sex Cooties Before You Get Married…
  the derp is as high as an elephant's eye

Oklahoma Won’t Let A.P. History Defame America No More

George Washington crossing the Red River
The War on Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) racked up another successful squirmish Tuesday, as the Oklahoma House Education committee voted to ban any state funding of the classes, because APUSH is bad for America. Read more on Oklahoma Won’t Let A.P. History Defame America No More…
 

Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!

Screw you, huddled masses
Wednesday was supposed to be the day President Obama officially rolled out the Kenyan welcome mat for all them illegals who’ve already snuck across our border to infect us with diseases and their strange foreign languages. But oh no, you can un-unfurl that Hispanic flag over the White House, Mr. Thinks He’s So President, because United States District Judge Andrew S. Hanen has put a stop to that nonsense, at least for now. Read more on Judge To Obama: Stop Letting In All Those Immigrants Who Are Already Here!…