Tag Archives: Oklahoma

  The Battle Of Bunk Hill

Wingnuts Win! AP History Exam Will Only Pass Patriot Kids Who Know America Is Perfect

Still stoked that Chris Hayes used this back in February.
We’re not sure it’s as huge a capitulation as Barack Obama’s complete surrender to Iran, but it looks like there may be Peace In Our Time in at least one theater of the Culture Wars. After a year of rightwing complaints that the revised Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) exam was teaching high school students to hate America and maybe join ISIS, the College Board has given in and announced some changes to the exam that are intended to placate the whiny titty babies who don’t seem to understand what “Advanced Placement” means. The exam framework for 2015 will add a section on “American Exceptionalism” and add additional questions that name Big Heroes like George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, and Thomas Jefferson, whose names you might suppose students would have encountered before taking an AP class (and who would of course have been covered in any class — it’s just that they weren’t named in the framework, which instead focused on larger themes. This drove wingnuts crazy and led them to claim that the Founders had been “removed” from the teaching of history). The College Board is still saying some pretty nasty things about God’s Own America, however. The new framework includes pretty much the same number of references to slavery as the 2014 version, and it turns out we still interned Japanese-Americans during WW II. Read more on Wingnuts Win! AP History Exam Will Only Pass Patriot Kids Who Know America Is Perfect…
  Today In Theocracy

Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution

Like Gamera, Baphomet is the friend of children everywhere
The merry Establishment Clause tricksters of the Satanic Temple held a big unveiling of their 1-ton statue of Baphomet over the weekend. Because they’re still waiting on a permit to place it next to the Ten Commandments monument at Oklahoma’s Capitol building — a monument that may be coming down anyway — the unveiling was held at the Satanic Temple’s chapter in Detroit. Not surprisingly, American Family Association radio guy Bryan Fischer is plenty angry about it, and would like you all to know that if we followed the REAL Constitution of the United States, none of this would be allowed, because the Founders only meant the First Amendment to apply to Christians. Read more on Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution…
  Burning questions

Sen. Jim Inhofe’s Imaginary Friend Dying To Know Where Transgender Troops Will Go Potty

Using this picture because NEVER FORGET LOL
Recently we learned that, since Obama has finished cramming gay marriage into America’s throat, he’s going to cram transgender people into the military, even though they’re already there and have been since forever. And this is posing quite a pickle of a conundrum for this one imaginary 10-year-old buddy of Oklahoma Sen. Jim Inhofe (R-Snowballs). Which pisser will all those transgender people use? Read more on Sen. Jim Inhofe’s Imaginary Friend Dying To Know Where Transgender Troops Will Go Potty…
  Now It's Time To Go To Jail

Barack Obama Goes To Prison. Sorry, Wingnuts, He’s Just Visiting

You mean empathy isn't a dirty word? Even for *lawbreakers*?
Barack Obama made a bit of history Thursday, becoming the first sitting president to visit a federal prison. This follows a pretty impressive speech to the NAACP Wednesday, in which he said some things that, for a Democrat in earlier decades, would have prompted months of conservatives howling about the president being “soft on crime” — and other Democrats attempting damage control by sponsoring Get Tuff legislation. Read more on Barack Obama Goes To Prison. Sorry, Wingnuts, He’s Just Visiting…
  no YOU are the real racist

Dumb Okie Hicks Greet ‘President’ Obama With Treason Flag, Love

President Obama arrived Wednesday for a state visit to the foreign hinterlands nation of Oklahoma, and the natives, they were restless! And racist! Now usually when a duly elected president (twice, fuckers, TWICE) visits, people of all political stripes drop their grievance shit for a moment and show a little respect to the office, but not Oklahoma wingnuts. Instead they decided to show up at Obama’s hotel and wave around their Confederate flags, probably because they’re so proud of their Heritage Not Hate: Read more on Dumb Okie Hicks Greet ‘President’ Obama With Treason Flag, Love…
  Don't read while you are eating you will be laughing too hard

Oklahoma Republicans Make Hilarious Joke About How Poors Are Gross Animals

Right in the earhole.
It’s tough to be a Republican these days if you don’t have an overwhelming disdain for people who struggle to get by (often because they’re held back by Republican policies, funny how that works). Because THOSE PEOPLE, right? Anyway, all Republicans know that if people are poor, it’s their fault — unless the poors are Republicans, in which case they are “going through a thing” which is “not at all like those welfare queens” — so it was perfectly natural for the Oklahoma GOP to post this to its FacePlace page: Read more on Oklahoma Republicans Make Hilarious Joke About How Poors Are Gross Animals…
  It was just a joke you guys!

Gun Humpers Put Away Obama Shooting Targets (For Now), Use Gay Rainbow Flags Instead

What’s the world coming to when you’re a “fitness and liberty” group that’s just trying to organize a “Run ‘n Gun,” which is apparently some kind of race that involves guns (SOUNDS REAL SAFE), and you can’t even post a hilarious picture of two gun-fondling guys standing next to a rainbow flag, advertising “new high visibility targets”? Gah, nobody can take a FUNNY JOKE anymore, can they? Here’s the pic, we post, you decide: Read more on Gun Humpers Put Away Obama Shooting Targets (For Now), Use Gay Rainbow Flags Instead…
  Monumental Failin'

Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin To State Supreme Court: You Are Not The Boss Of Her!

The monument is 6 feet high, so that man and buggy must be HUGE
In what has to be a huge surprise to some single-celled organisms who didn’t know any better, Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin has decided to ignore last week’s order by the state Supreme Court to remove the giant Ten Commandments monument from the grounds of the Statehouse, because God’s Word, but mostly because it’s not a religious thing at all — it’s just a historical marker, really! In a statement, Fallin said, Read more on Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin To State Supreme Court: You Are Not The Boss Of Her!…
  The Suin' 'Er State

Oklahoma Supreme Court Murders God

Note th' Illuminati symbol over th' Eagle!!!
In your Separation of Church and State Nice Time, the Oklahoma Supreme Court ruled Tuesday that a Ten Commandments monument at the state Capitol building has to be removed, because it violates the Oklahoma Constitution, never mind the U.S. one. Fans of Establishment Clause trolls the Satanic Temple aren’t sure whether to rejoice or be a little sad today, because now the group has no reason to push for the inclusion of its awesome statue of Baphomet giving his Satanic blessing to little children. Sadly, we have a feeling it will still be needed elsewhere. Read more on Oklahoma Supreme Court Murders God…
  Do You Want to Build A Snow Job?

Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil

Using this picture because NEVER FORGET LOL
Sometimes Yr Wonkette thinks it might be “fun” to actually be located in Our Nation’s Capital, rather than in the wilds of Boise, Idaho, if only because it would then be possible to attend fun events like the Heartland Institute’s “climate conference” being held this week in DC, where Sen. James “If Global Warming Is Real Why Is There Snow?” Inhofe told Pope Francis to keep his mind on poping and to leave climate science to idiots on the payroll of Big Oil. Read more on Sen. Jim Inhofe Tells Pope To Leave Climate Change To Scientists At Big Oil…
  Hijab Discrimination

Supreme Court Spreads Sharia Law All Over Abercrombie & Fitch’s Popped Collar

Obviously the wrong image for A&F
The Supreme Court has ruled in favor of a Muslim woman who sued douchey prepster image factory Abercrombie & Fitch for refusing to hire her because she wore a headscarf to her job interview. Would you believe this is not Abercrombie’s first court case involving Muslim women wearing head scarves? Surprise! Brace yourselves for the inevitable squeals about Creeping Sharia taking over or something. Read more on Supreme Court Spreads Sharia Law All Over Abercrombie & Fitch’s Popped Collar…
  But no camps!

Texas Happy To Let Obama Invade With FEMA Now Please

Don't fall for it, Texas! Drowning is better than federal tyranny!
Here’s President Barack Obama explaining Tuesday that he’s ready to direct federal aid to Texas, which has suffered deadly flooding since the weekend, with more rain and flash flooding on the way. At least 31 people have died in storms that have hit Oklahoma, Texas, and Mexico, and 13 people are still missing. Strangely, almost nobody in Texas is refusing the offer of federal aid, with the possible exception of keyboard warriors like “Liberty Prime,” whose comment on the YouTube video above is simply “Us texans don’t want you here obama!!!!” Read more on Texas Happy To Let Obama Invade With FEMA Now Please…
  Sincerely Helled Beliefs

Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too

Enough Norman Rockwell, and you're damned forever
We are once again pleasantly gobsmacked by the simple brilliance of our favorite First Amendment trolls, the dead-serious activist/satirists at the Satanic Temple. If Christianists are going to insist that sincerely held religious beliefs give them an opt-out for any law, then by the Hoary Beard of Baphomet, the same should hold for Satanists, which is why the Missouri branch of the Satanic Temple is preparing to sue for the right of a Satanist lady to skip Missouri’s dumb 72-hour waiting period for an abortion. Read more on Surprise! Satanic Temple Has Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs About Abortion Too…
  Wonder what else Jesus is preventing him from doing

Jesus Saves Oklahoma Rep From Murdering Himself With Fire For The Unborn Babies

You know that thing, where you are SO MAD about abortion that you are just about ready to pour gasoline all over your nekkid Oklahoman body and light yourself on fire, but you won’t, because you love Jesus too much? Of course you’ve been there, you are pro-life! Well, Jesus himself has stepped in to prevent that from happening yet again, in the case of Republican state Rep. Kevin Calvey of Oklahoma City. You see, Oklahoma House members were just having a nice friendly debate about SB 548, which would give Okie Supreme Court judges and other court employees a little 6% raise. Now, one would not think that this would progress to a hysterical shitfit about running across the street into the courthouse with your pants LITERALLY on fire, because you are so mad about abortion, but that’s because you don’t love Jesus as much as Calvey does, therefore you don’t understand. Read more on Jesus Saves Oklahoma Rep From Murdering Himself With Fire For The Unborn Babies…
  Law And Order: Margaritaville

Tulsa Pretend Cop Enters Plea, Takes Bahamas Vacation Like Any Other Manslaughter Suspect

It's been a really rough couple of weeks
Robert Bates, the 73-year-old Tulsa, Oklahoma, insurance executive who likes to play cop, and also shot a guy dead, pleaded not guilty to second-degree manslaughter charges Tuesday, then got the judge’s permission to go ahead and take a family vacation in the Bahamas, because why not? What, the man has already had his name dragged through the press for shooting a suspect to death when he grabbed his .357 revolver instead of his taser — you monsters want him to lose his deposit, too? Hasn’t Reserve Deputy Bates suffered enough? Read more on Tulsa Pretend Cop Enters Plea, Takes Bahamas Vacation Like Any Other Manslaughter Suspect…