oil spill

This post made possible by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair for Oil Spills and Whatnot. Today in “just who in the hell is running this place?” Wonkette presents: Exxon. Ya know, usually our corporate overlords do a swell job with this Potemkin democracy illusion – the country’s farce in Washington with the “Senate” and […]

Your Wonkette has been fastidiously trying to ignore anything related to this bizarre, sad Casey Anthony case, not only here but in life, because once upon a time there was such a thing as an “OJ Simpson trial,” which set everyone a very high bar for 24-hour reality crime shows that probably will never be […]

Old-timey Clinton hack and current CIA Top Spy Leon Panetta is slated to take over the War Department! Do we mean, “The Department of Defense, Heil Hitler?” Nope! The War Department. Because when’s the last time the United States was invaded and had to defend itself? The War of 1812? Maybe that time we tried […]

Good morning, dead baby dolphins! It’s hard to believe that today marks the first anniversary of the Gulf of Mexico being poisoned forever. Does anyone even remember what the Gulf was like before murdered sea creatures started washing up on the beaches? Or what little children used to play with and get cancer from before […]

In an alternate universe where Bobby Jindal never opened his adorable mouth about letting volcanoes kill us all, Bobby Jindal is engaged in an epic struggle with Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich to be the next president of the United States. In that universe, this scandal is game-changing news: Jindal’s wife’s charity has received a […]

Two Libyan air force pilots landed their Libyan death zeppelins (?) in Malta, after refusing orders to slaughter civilians from the air — because sometimes you just have to do the right thing, instead of committing mass murder. In other Libyan defector news: a group of army officers released a statement urging fellow soldiers to […]

A Halliburton technician encharged with monitoring pressure data on America’s most hated oil rig, the Deepwater Horizon, failed to see signs leading to the explosion that resulted in this year’s Gulf oil spill because he was taking a break to smoke and get some coffee, he told a federal panel. Joseph E. Keith would have […]

Bobby Jindal is not just a governor looking to run against Obama for president: He also happens to be a beautiful aquatic bird who was personally coated in oil by the Evil President while trying only to help the people of Louisiana. And so little Jindal has written a book about himself, to inform America […]

Happy “Whoops, We Invaded Afghanistan” Day! (Of course, back then it was called “Operation Enduring Hooray We ‘Liberated’ Afghanistan from the Towelheads.”) Nine years ago today, America sat on its XXL fundillo and “channel surfed” for cool night-vision footage of Kabul exploding and CNN cellphone camera videos of Army Rangers killing (“liberating”) things. Everyone loved […]

An internal investigation conducted by BP has concluded that it can start drilling again immediately, hooray! Oh and also “Team BP” did nothing wrong, at all, and so if you Americans still need someone or something to pay for the stuff in the ocean, sue the oil rig owner Transocean or the chavs at Halliburton, […]

It’s only been a couple of months since the Gulf of Mexico stopped injecting itself with that luscious BP oil, and now, after another oil platform explosion off the coast of Louisiana, the Gulf has fallen off the wagon again. Hey, BRO, that oil is ours and is very expensive. Get your salty SEA hands […]

Happy 5th Katrina Anniversary, Louisiana! And don’t feel bad because, uh, New England is getting your Labor Day Weekend hurricane. You’ve got a new oil spill! AP/WWL Channel 4 New Orleans reports: Coast Guard spokesman Bill Colclough said all 13 people have been accounted for and that one of them was injured. The injured person […]

As threatened, both Washington and Wyoming went ahead with their primary elections yesterday. Washington didn’t surprise anybody because it is boring; in Wyoming, the nominations of Republican Matt Mead and Democrat Leslie Peterson for governor surprised everyone, because nobody had heard of any of the candidates before and thus any name would have been a […]

BP and the Coast Guard are reporting that the reverse-cowgirl-static-kill-butt-well-plug was successful and that only 25% of the oil spilled is still in the Gulf of Mexico. Time to pop the bubbly and eat some shrimp…oh wait, there’s no shrimp left? Damn. Um, how about some oysters…no oysters? Uh, let’s have crabs, yeah crabs. Oh […]

The static kill sex position procedure is slated to begin today, if it didn’t start last night while Doctor Jindal was sleeping. The process of shoving mud and shooting cement down the throat of the well may actually kill the well and nullify the need to use the relief wells. The engineers are concerned that […]