McCain’s Masterful ‘Attention-Getting’ Scheme Canceled Due To Poor Weather
Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008
Ha, so get this. John McCain and pals very recently came up with the MEDIA PLOY OF THE CENTURY: they were going to Take The Media Back from Barack Obama during his big speech in Berlin tomorrow, which at least 400 million people will attend (hurrah), by speaking from an oil rig off the coast of Louisiana. Surely all reporters and cameramen would’ve rushed to cover this instead, because what’s a better venue for a media grab than some tiny offshore piece of metal that’s only reachable by helicopter? But now, after publicizing this brilliant coup, McCain has had to cancel it because of, whatitscalled, THE MONSTROUS HURRICANE THAT IS DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN THE GULF. MORE »
Ha, so get this. John McCain and pals very recently came up with the MEDIA PLOY OF THE CENTURY: they were going to Take The Media Back from Barack Obama during his big speech in Berlin tomorrow, which at least 400 million people will attend (hurrah), by speaking from an oil rig off the coast of Louisiana. Surely all reporters and cameramen would’ve rushed to cover this instead, because what’s a better venue for a media grab than some tiny offshore piece of metal that’s only reachable by helicopter? But now, after publicizing this brilliant coup, McCain has had to cancel it because of, whatitscalled, THE MONSTROUS HURRICANE THAT IS DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN THE GULF. MORE »









President George Bush Jr. today lifted the executive ban on domestic offshore drilling for oil and natural gas, the same ban that his liberal father instituted 20-ish years ago. Take that, old retreating hack! But before the oil companies can start drilling off of your dock, Congress must lift its ban. Well that should be tough! We predict that Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi will whine about this for a good week, maybe 10 days, but should have a piece of drilling legislation ready for Bush’s Rose Garden signin’ desk by next Friday. [
Oil hit a new record price today, hooray! It briefly touched
In today’s edition of Wonkette Economic Newz(TM), the economy grew by 1% in Q1 2008!!!! The original estimate was still an awesome 0.9%, which was awesomer than Q4 2007’s 0.6%, which was awesome too because HOW CAN A PERFECT ECONOMY EVEN GROW AT ALL? Also, the Dow is down like 300 points and Oil is over $140/barrel and Congress has renamed our economy “Jesus’ Money Thing” because why not. [
“One more hit, baby. Just one more toke on the ole oil pipe. … Give me one more pop from that drill, please, baby. Just one more transfusion of that sweet offshore crude.” PUT THAT AWAY. [
A Wonkette Senate operative has informed us that Idaho Sen. Larry Craig is on the Senate floor now, and “he’s talking about the ‘Craig Does Act,’ and said ‘we adjusted ourselves a little bit’ referencing ‘the no zone’ as well.” Yes folks, it’s true: Larry Craig is a
Gay Florida Gov. Charlie Crist has been actively opposed to drilling for oil off of Florida’s coast his entire political career. Many Florida politicians oppose it, in fact! Short version: it ruins the environment which would ruin tourism. Long version: “It would harm beaches vital to the state’s tourism economy and interfere with weapons testing and training in and over the Gulf of Mexico by Florida military bases.” So basically Charlie Crist has always opposed offshore oil drilling due to some postmodern, “green” interpretation of the military-industrial complex. But now that John McCain wants to lift the ban on offshore drilling, the veep-hunting Crist has suddenly decided that WE MUST ABSOLUTELY DRILL OFFSHORE, because of poor people and “states’ rights.” Seven whore diamonds. [
While Hillary Clinton remains hidden in a secret Polynesian island bunker, where she drinks single malt scotch and eats artichoke hearts prepared by a cadre of Gypsy slaves all day long, she is still somehow doing her job as a fake Senator. Today she, along with fellow New York Senator Chuck Schumer and some Congressman,