ohio
Today, in our ongoing celebration of profane Republican lawmakers, we bring you the beloved Ohio smoke-mummy John Boehner. On Friday he very coyly suggested that Nancy Pelosi’s “Let’s All Give Anal Beads to the Polar Bears for Christmas” enviroterrorist legislation was not quite to his taste …
Joe the goddamn Plumber is suing a few gals in Ohio, state employees to be exact, for cheating with their computers! This latest publicity stunt of a civil action states that these three “violated his privacy when they gathered his personal information in a records search,” which they were not allowed to do. You may [...]
VOINOVICH WON’T RUN AGAIN: Wasn’t he one of those “vulnerable Republicans” anyhow? The senator from Ohio announced he won’t be running for re-election in 2010. Instead, he will be replaced by a waxen replica of Joe the Plumber, which will shoot fire out of its anus every 15 seconds. [The Fix]
Robert Kennedy Jr. will attest that Ken Blackwell is the literal reincarnation of Beelzebub, who rode a steaming sleigh of entrails from the bowels of Hell to Ohio in order to help George W. Bush steal the election of 2004. This makes him a perfect candidate to run the Republican National Committee as it faces [...]
Former Ohio Congressman Bob Ney, famous for accepting all bribes from Jack Abramoff when he was ripping off those Indians, finished his 30-month prison sentence in August — surprise! — after 17 months in prison. He is now under “supervision” at his Columbus home. But that is no way for a man of leisure to [...]
Unlicensed artisan Sam Wurzelbacher, known to most Americans as “Joe the Plumber,” has gone from interviews on CNN/MSNBC/Fox News everyday and being the only talking point of a major party’s presidential campaign to much higher vistas: an interview with the Tufts college newspaper and the single most important journalist since Mencken, Michael Bendetson, “a freshman [...]
JOE THE PLUMBER CRIME SPREE PROVEN TRUE: That thing we posted about pin-eyed skinhead Samuel “Joe the Plumber” Wurzelbacher doing election and speeding crimes? The speeding part has been confirmed, by the Toledo Police [Toledo Blade]
One of the seventy-thousand reasons John McCain has a 1% chance of winning the presidency is a dumb tool who called himself “Joe the Plumber” and hoped to get fame and free welfare money as a result of telling a dumb lie to Barack Obama, when Barack Obama was campaigning in this man’s neighborhood. Because [...]
Country music star Joe the Plumber comically missed a McCain rally earlier this morning, but this afternoon he dragged himself out of his new McMansion, put on his new faux-Armani suit, and brought his three high-class hookers (Diamondchest, Firesuck and Lightningpussy) to an afternoon rally, appearing with bloodshot eyes and chugging a bottle of Dom [...]
McCain, addressing Queen Frostine and Lord Licorice in the chocolate village of Hershey, PA, described Obama’s energy policy as: “blah blah blah, all this.” [The Caucus] Say goodbye to your Christian Science Monitor, it is relocating permanently and exclusively to the Internet, which is a sunny suburb of Phoenix. [Marc Ambinder] And so begins the [...]
“WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court is siding with Ohio’s top elections official in a dispute with the state Republican Party over voter registrations. The justices on Friday overruled a federal appeals court that had ordered Ohio’s top elections official to do more to help counties verify voter eligibility.” In other words, the very liberal [...]
