Did you see the movie Signs, where, uh, Jack Bauer or whatever was the alien preacher and destroyed Jesus’ corn fields and then was killed by water? Well it was a weird movie and now look at this: a corn field in Ohio has been completely destroyed with a likeness of this idiot, Palin. A maze. It took “an artist from Idaho at least eight hours to mow down stalks for the maze.” Repugnant. [AP, "The Corn Maze"]

It’s Caroline Hergenrother! Do you know Caroline Hergenrother? Caroline Hergenrother! She’s just to the right of the friendly wiener. She’s a Republican state House candidate in Ohio, is Caroline Hergenrother! And this weekend, she was dancing at a bar with someone who wasn’t her husband, so her husband got drunk and started punching everyone in the bar — including Caroline Hergenrother, his wife, accidentally! Caroline Hergenrother, YOU SO CRAZY CAROLINE. Check out her annoying website with the talking hobbit version of herself. [PolitickerOH]

Here’s some hilarious video from outside a McCain campaign stop in Ohio, where some older people chant “Keating Five,” which was the great group of corrupt senators (including John McCain) who caused the last collapse of American finance, in the late ’80s. This teevee reporter has no idea what they’re talking about, of course. [Blogger Interrupted]

NEW STATE POLLS!: From Time/CNN, conducted Sept. 14-16, in Battleground States. Florida: Obama 48, McCain 48; Indiana: McCain 51, Obama 45; North Carolina: McCain 48, Obama 47; Ohio: Obama 49, McCain 47; Wisconsin: Obama 50, McCain 47. Residents of these states should expect to see an steady influx of lawyers over the next six weeks. Lawyers! And awful lawyers at that, shipped wholesale from outer space in toxic cartons of live rats. [The Page]

Even though the Internet has already concluded that Barack Obama lost the election after some unknown wingnut vice president lady gave one surly speech last week, we couldn’t help but check out the electoral map anyway, just for kicks. Above is the fun Pollster map, and then you’ve got your FiveThirtyEight map, and this is a good thing to read also. Now play around with this stuff for exactly two minutes, preferably while drinking, and after those two minutes you’ll realize that Barack Obama still has this shit safely locked up. MORE »

The hottest ticket in America tonight is Barack Obama’s all-star oldies concert at Denver’s Mile High Stadium, during which he will sink a thousand three-pointers from downtown Ancient Athens. But don’t feel bad about missing history or whatever, because John McCain is also having some sort of sporting facility event, on Friday — he will appear with his veep pick at “Wright State University’s Nutter Center” in some little town in Ohio. Ha ha, it is called “Nutter Center.” Anyway, there are only 10,000 tickets available, and they’re all pretty much still available. Cindy McCain may pay you a hundred bucks and a vicodin just to keep a seat warm for an hour. [Political Wire/Dayton Daily News]

• REP. TUBBS JONES IN BAD SHAPE DEAD STILL IN BAD SHAPE HAS DIED: “Rep. Stephanie Tubbs Jones, D-Ohio, is reported to have suffered an aneurysm and is not expected to recover, according to CBS affiliate WOIO in Cleveland. WOIO also reported that the congresswoman is on life support at this time.” UPDATE: John Kerry has already sent out his statement, so she is deceased. UPDATE: No wait she is alive again. LAST UPDATE: Stephanie Tubbs Jones died this evening, the family and hospital have confirmed. [CBS News]

Look everyone, we are returning “this thing,” your end-of-the-day roundup of political news. New Wonkette Intern JULI will write it. Very nicely welcome Intern Juli!

• Why won’t McCain lose his own 11 homes and $520 moccasins to foreclosure, in solidarity? [The Caucus]
• Four alarm symbolism! John “son-of-a-mill-worker” Edwards’ precious mill burned to the ground yesterday. [Fresh Intelligence]
• McCain is choosing every resident of Ohio as his Vice President. [Marc Ambinder]
• Respected journalist Jerome Corsi links McCain to jihadists in Muslim Kosovo and the St. Regis Hotel. [World Net Daily]
• McCain insists Obama is disguising his shameful ambition with “claims” and “positions” on Iraq. [Top of the Ticket]
• Thumb-sucker/Freudian caricature Sally Quinn wants John McCain to transform into a winged horse and rescue her from an earthquake, just like she used to fantasize her father doing. [On Faith]
• Only the Libertarians can save children from horrible field trips to Mark Twain’s house. [Hit and Run]

Here’s your Barack Obama dealing with an angry dingbat who somehow got press credentials for a campaign rally at Ohio’s Baldwin-Wallace College. The dingbat, identified as either “John Quinn” or “John Q. Public,” started hollering as Obama began a stump speech about energy or something. And then it got funny. MORE »

For Christ’s sake, Walnuts, you’re making it too easy: “He tells reporters in a Columbus, Ohio German restaurant he’d love to give a speech in Germany. ‘But I’d much prefer to do it as president of the United States rather than as a candidate for president.’” Maybe he could’ve DONE ANYTHING ELSE besides this, during Obama’s speech? WATCHING IT AT A GERMAN RESTAURANT IN OHIO? WHINING? Take a nap, my friend. [The Page]

Huzzah, here are some new fake polling results from Quinnipiac today: Obama 47, McCain 43 in Florida; Obama 48, McCain 42 in Ohio; Obama 52, McCain 40 in Pennsylvania. Now Obama will be president for life and McCain will be banished to Mongolia to start a new life as “Maverick of the Yaks.” [The Page]