Here is — no joke — the official portrait of Marc "Hawaiian Pizza" Dann, the Ohio attorney general who likes to stick it to his staffers and will soon be impeached. This picture literally hangs outside his office. Why anyone ever had sex with this creature, we will never know.
Ohio Attorney General Marc "Hawaiian Pizza" Dann, whose admission of a sex affair with a young staffer last week was the latest in a series of inappropriate Dann sex stories, is under pressure to step down. A lot of pressure. You know how much pressure? This much: "All statewide Democratic elected officials and legislative leaders are calling on embattled Attorney General Marc Dann to resign from office." And he's a Democrat too! Dann has heard their calls, and he has responded "No I ain't goin' nowhere, lamebots."
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Instead of barnstorming Pennsylvania today like all the other Democrats in the race, John McCain will take the devil-may-care approach of campaigning in Ohio, a state that voted like a million years ago. Yesterday he visited Selma, Alabama in his "tour of cities that Time forgot," and hugged the charming quilters pictured above before racing off to another state that isn't voting today. Join us as we cover the last two days of John McCain courting the Blue Collars, the black folks, and other crucial pillars of the Party of Wall Street.
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Wonkette receives lots of tips from crazy old cranks who want us to know that the Clintons were mean to their Secret Service detail, and the Likud plotted with China to cover up Nixon's assassination. So it's refreshing to get a relatively straightforward email like the one we got this morning, titled "A Black Reporter's Assessment Of Obama." But you'll never guess who this "black reporter" is!
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Ohio is blowing up with the biggest scandal of all time, in politics. Its Attorney General, Marc Dann, may be involved in an investigation into whether one of his top managers, Anthony Gutierrez, sexually harassed two ladies. Dann may have lured these two ladies over to his and Gutierrez's condo with promises of Hawaiian pizza, and penises.
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Every four years Democrats say they're going to win elections by getting more young 'uns and black people to vote, and every four years George Bush gets elected again. But this time will be different, says Barack Obama, because he is getting "folks" to register to vote and he will kick their asses if they don't.
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Faithful readers of the Tribune Chronicle, the "first online newspaper" of Ohio's Mahoning Valley, got some startling news on Tuesday: the day before, Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton had apparently met with voters in the office of their own District 6 representative, Charlie Wilson. Why the Senator would be visiting Ohio — a state whose primary she had already won — and why she would say she "plans on attending each session" of a six-stop listening tour with the obscure local congressman was a mystery. "We had an unbelievable turnout...There were 85 people in that small office," raved the national candidate, who regularly speaks to crowds of thousands. Something fishy was definitely going on!
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Remember Hillary Clinton's big win in Texas due to her ability to answer the phone at 3 a.m. because her husband's getting sucked off by a fat gal in the Oval Office again? Well, those ads were actually shown in Ohio, and also Barack Obama is handily beating Hillary Clinton, 99 delegates to 95 delegates. What the hell?
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After Clinton's big win Tuesday night, she pulled in over $3 million on Wednesday, and now wants another $3 million today. Hurrah! Now, Hillary: you need to tell Patti Solis Doyle that she can't order those $24 million "top shelf margaritas" at the Reagan Airport TGI Friday's anymore! IT'S JUST CUERVO AND SHE SHOULD KNOW THAT. [via The Caucus]
Hooray for Hillary — she won Texas and Ohio yesterday but made absolutely no inroads into Obama's insurmountable pledged delegate lead! What's next? According to everyone's favorite senior adviser Harold Ickes, pledged delegates don't matter, because they are not bound and will vote for Clinton when Obama is revealed to be behind 9/11 & terror.
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Hey guess what she said? "As Ohio goes, so goes the nation." Oh man she will be running for president when our grandchildren bury their robot sex slaves. "We're going strong, we're going all the way." Oh man. This will never end. This will never fucking end. Yes, fourteen presidents from Ohio were born in the 1500s. YES!
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HILLARY IS THE OHIO PRESIDENT: Even though she created the evil Mexican-Canadian trade pact that forced Ohio people to become poor jobless hillbillies, she is now the Projected Winner of Ohio! Yay Hilmomentum! Confetti! [CNN]
JUST CALL OHIO FOR TOM BUFFENBARGER ALREADY: Keith Olbermann and his ol' pal Chuck Todd are saying that Ohio's full results won't be in until 4:30 a.m. Chuck Todd explains that Clinton's lead will diminish when Cincinnati, Cleveland and Toledo are counted (BLACK PEOPLE). What is wrong with this state? Aren't there a million unemployed ex-factory workers, because of the NAFTA? Hire them all to count the damn ballots, for Christ's sake.
Time's Mark Halperin isn't naked, or dreaming about Matthew McConaughey, or asking the important obvious questions. But he is doing something else that is strange. Who will win? Lassie. It is Lassie who will run against John McCain for president. [The Page/Time]
We mean for the Democrats, of course. Looks like Barack Obama might take Texas, but Ohio is still tight, and the "creator of worlds" state of Rhode Island is way, way too close to call with no votes and nothing counted and maybe not even a primary. How would anyone even know?
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