Well, this is uncomfortable. Here’s Walnuts having a “senior moment” as he mumbles happily (or sadly?) about how the House and Senate will surely pass Obama’s Democratic $3.6 Trillion Welfare Budget today. [YouTube/Associated Press]

WALNUTS 2: NUT HARDER starring John “Walnuts!” McCain, produced by SalvatoreDIntern and starring Julia Kobos. And your beloved original from 2006 is here.

John McCain pissed off about a million Republican businessmen (and especially George Will) when he angrily pretended to fire Securities & Exchange Commission chairman Christopher Cox. Then the maverick idiot announced he wanted New York Attorney General Andrew Cuomo — a famous Democrat who was even married to a Kennedy, once — to take over the SEC. Obviously, Cuomo directly caused the entire American economic collapse: “Andrew Cuomo, the youngest Housing and Urban Development secretary in history, made a series of decisions between 1997 and 2001 that gave birth to the country’s current crisis.” [Village Voice]

HA HA HA, here is WALNUTS! making some probably poor & homeless mother’s annual trip to the grocery store a catastrophic failure. He waddles towards the applesauce and gets her a brand that she doesn’t even want. And then he makes all the applesauce in every grocery store on earth crash onto the floor. MORE »

Everyone knows that John McCain hates his wife and calls her a “cunt” almost all the time. Everyone also knows that John McCain is a famous comedian, which is why his best friend is Jon Stewart, from television. And that’s why he made a “wisecrack” yesterday about beating up his wife in Las Vegas. Ha ha, because if he actually did beat up his wife, his chances of becoming president would be limited! MORE »

Why can’t John McCain’s campaign spell “Barack”? Why has this been sitting on the McCain website’s front page for a million hours? At least they didn’t call him “Osama,” this time. [November Blog]

McCAIN HEARTS HAMAS: John McCain is such a senile psychopath Maverick that he was all set to negotiate with Hamas just two years ago, but it’s very bad for Barack Obama to talk about such things this year, because … uh, Jeremiah Wright? [ABC News]

WAIT, MCCAIN’S CRAZY? At some fancy fundraising dinner party in New York last night, John Edwards was (reportedly) running around calling John McCain a “crazy” who shouldn’t ever be allowed to have his “finger on the button.” [NY Observer]

He is very old and lies about everything. His dream is to bomb every nation all the time, forever. He is John McCain, who should’ve been beaten again in South Carolina, like always. Instead, he’s the winner. Huckabee is conceding right now. Huckabee notes something that is both true and weird: For all of McCain’s incredible faults, he seems to run fairly clean campaigns. So, let’s give the 30-year veteran of Capitol Hill tonight’s “Maverick-Reformer All Over Again” award. That’s two for McCain. [AP/The State]