Wonkette

Here is delightful Montana Governor Brian Schweitzer cracking wise about John McCain’s eleventy billion back yards, and how they cannot make America energy independent. This guy was adorable, with his bolo tie and his “I am a used car salesman, but a used car salesman from 1950, when it was still wholesome” demeanor. Wasn’t there some talk about him being on Obama’s veep list early on? Ah yes. [YouTube]

John McCain visited an oil rig today, now that the weather’s cleared up. On this oil rig he talked about, well we don’t know, maybe how he refuses to endorse Congress’ energy bill compromise? And then some DNC mole started handing out this “kit” to reporters on the scene. As you can see, the kit can be arranged into a cock-and-balls sort of arrangement. The black oil barrel in the middle is actually a stress toy. So when you are angry you can squeeze it as you would John McCain’s stubby black cock. [Political Wire, The Trail]

Important news from the Wonkette Inbox(!): “Today on TNR.com, Dayo Olopade offers the definitive fact-check of Paris Hilton’s energy recommendations in her new ‘campaign’ video. While Hilton’s video is perhaps a humorous response to McCain’s recent ‘celebrity’ ad featuring her likeness, Olopade concludes that even Paris, alas, gets the facts wrong on offshore drilling.” While this seems like the perfect setup for a Rick Roll, or a blinking screen that says “No Shit,” Mr. Olopade did, in fact, write this article challenging Paris Hilton’s claims. What’s next? Jamie Kirchick’s imaginary response? UPDATE: Oh dear, someone e-mails to say that it is actually “Ms.” Olopade, which we strongly considered Googling to confirm, but now we’re just racist. [TNR]

The loser Republicans who refuse to take their vacation and are holding a Cuddle Party about energy on the House floor instead have employed, who else, Newt Gingrich, to get their message out! Gingrich heads a 527 called American Solutions for Winning the Future, or ASWF. The acronym is pronounced “Ass Whoof,” like a fart, which it is. MORE »

Here’s a lengthy segment from MSNBC today, where lovely anchor/reporter Andrea Mitchell talks on the telephone to McCain campaign manager Rick Davis, the adult retarded child responsible for that hilarious memo yesterday about Obama’s food choices, excercise regimen and overall popularity everywhere. He’s a twit. He tells Andrea that the McCain campaign has always been positive and not Trivial; it is focused on Important Issues like offshore drilling. Andrea’s like, “you’re an idiot, you stupid idiot” and Rick’s like, “no Barry Obama is an idiot.” The best part is when they talk about peanut butter snacks 12 minutes in. Peanut butter snacks… [MSNBC]

Ha, so get this. John McCain and pals very recently came up with the MEDIA PLOY OF THE CENTURY: they were going to Take The Media Back from Barack Obama during his big speech in Berlin tomorrow, which at least 400 million people will attend (hurrah), by speaking from an oil rig off the coast of Louisiana. Surely all reporters and cameramen would’ve rushed to cover this instead, because what’s a better venue for a media grab than some tiny offshore piece of metal that’s only reachable by helicopter? But now, after publicizing this brilliant coup, McCain has had to cancel it because of, whatitscalled, THE MONSTROUS HURRICANE THAT IS DESTROYING EVERYTHING IN THE GULF. MORE »

Here’s a snippet of President Bush’s fun press conference today, which Sara aptly described as “a portrait of a man slowly losing what’s left of his mind after eight years of exhaustion and failure.” MORE »

President George Bush Jr. today lifted the executive ban on domestic offshore drilling for oil and natural gas, the same ban that his liberal father instituted 20-ish years ago. Take that, old retreating hack! But before the oil companies can start drilling off of your dock, Congress must lift its ban. Well that should be tough! We predict that Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi will whine about this for a good week, maybe 10 days, but should have a piece of drilling legislation ready for Bush’s Rose Garden signin’ desk by next Friday. [Bloomberg]