Tag: obesity epidemic

Michelle Obama Puts Kitchen Staff On Crash Diet

By now, we are all aware of Michelle Obama's "Let's Move!" initiative, the thing where government officials sneak into your children's bedrooms in the middle of the night and steal the donuts from under their pillows, leaving behind a...

Evil Obama Destroys FLOTUS’ Healthy Halloween

The holidays are a difficult time for any couple. In America, "the holidays" usually refers to that special time of year when the baby Jesus returns to cast spells on all the Walmarts so he can watch insane sweatpants-clad...

Obesity Epidemic Set to Swallow America Whole by 2048

Oh, here is a new study that predicts somehow the Earth will still be here in 2048! Krazy scientists! Oh well, enjoy the taste of your anusburgers a few more years before we are all hooked up to IV bags...

FLOTUS-Inspired Garden Will Send This Lady to Jail

First Lady and America’s personal trainer Michelle Obama was up to her usual tricks last week, going to a Washington Kastles game, celebrating the beginning of Malia’s angsty teen years, and probably hanging out in the vegetable garden. This...

Michelle Obama Now Going After Fat Babies

America is full of fat children, and fat adults. This we know. But did you also know that America has many fat babies? It is more difficult to spot them, sandwiched between all the aforementioned full-grown fat people, but...

Michelle Obama Gets Her Hands All Over Everyone’s Muffins

As you waited in line for a jumbo slice of pizza at Costco this weekend, did you notice that something was missing? Has the candy aisle at your local grocery store disappeared or been replaced with a shelf full...