Hey Obamatards, how were your stimulus parties on Saturday night? Did you totally exhaust your six-month supply of cocaine and waste your overdue rent money on lap dances? Were any cars flipped over or burned? How many times did the police have to knock on your door before you were arrested? If you answered “No,” “None,” and “Zero,” then congratulations, you failed to revive the American economy like Barack Obama asked you to, and the Depression is totally your fault. MORE »

The Internet-savvy young Marxist revolutionaries who constitute Barack Obama’s “base” have figured out how to work these comment-forum dealies, oh yes! Just yesterday Change.gov was a showcasing important questions about “natrual [sic] born citizen requirements” that could disqualify Barack Obama from any government position higher than dogcatcher. And yet today the seething hordes have taken advantage of the question-ranking system to stifle dissent! Seriously! MORE »

Wow! One might have guessed, given his charmingly nerdsome appearance and general blinky “how do I translate from numbers into English?” mannerisms that Nate Silver would be somewhat conflict averse. But no man he BRINGS IT. He interviewed some guy who commissioned a Zogby poll that proved, factually, that Obama voters are all a bunch of ignorant black Muslims. There’s even a YouTube to prove it! Anyhow Silver called up this very shirty gentleman John Ziegler to discuss his survey methods. Ziegler called him a pinhead and said many hilariously nasty things. MORE »

Here is your funny video report from The Onion, about the crushing sadness of Obama volunteers who now have to … who knows? What do people do, anyway? [The Onion]

Well folks, there won’t be any real “news” for hours and hours today, and you keep in sending your nice reports, so we will just cut and paste and get to the drinking early. Here we have EXCLUSIVE ON-THE-GROUND EYEWITNESS REPORTS regarding a sassy lady on the bus in Bed-Stuy, an angry old Irish broad in Bethesda who will move back to the home country for John McCain, and an actor from “Prison Break”! MORE »

Ha ha ha Luke Russert, NBC’s Official Young Persons Correspondent, apparently made a terrible slip this morning and said “the smartest kids in the state go [to UVA], so it’s leaning a little bit towards Obama,” which was a terrible insult to all the remedial readers at the University of Virginia who will also vote for Obama. Naturally, an apology was in order. MORE »

Wonkette fancy houses operative “Lesley” sends us this photo of an Obama-supporting meth-mouth’s lab shack, right next to the Alaska governor’s mansion: “I recently took a trip to Juneau, Alaska and was able to visit the governor’s mansion ie: Sarah Palin’s pad. It was pretty funny because all of her neighbors have Obama signs,” Lesley writes, and she has more pictures here. What shantytown of a neighborhood is this white trash palace of hell in? [Today's Special]

It’s no Hillary Clinton Supporters for John McCain, but this site is still what one Project Runway contestant might call a HOT TRANNY MESS. From the misspelled headline to the two alluring singles named “test” and “test2,” it has more than a whiff of the amateur…what is this, an FBI honeypot? Is Dick Cheney collecting email addresses off this thing? [Supports Obama and Single]

Hey people, if you are in the Fort Wayne, Indiana area, you might stop by Studio 13 Creative Skin Design and ask Ryan Hadley for one of these sweet Barack Obama tattoos. Now GO GO GO, FIND US PHOTOS OF HILLARY CLINTON TATS POST HASTE or else you are all Sexists. [Photo from Studio 13 via Wonkette Flesh Ornamentation Operative Donocaster.]

UPDATE: Oh right! How could we forget this horror?