Tag Archives: obamaphones

  Show us on the doll where Obama touched Lady Liberty

Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse

Are your kids safer with Josh Duggar or with THIS GUY?
Pollsters are hilarious sometimes. Talking Points Memo has the results of a new poll from Public Policy Polling, asking people which do they like better:  The Duggar family, kid-touching and all, or Barack Obama? You will be so shocked to find out that a full 67% of folks who voted for Mitt Romney in 2012 still like the Duggars better than Obama, whereas 87% of Obama voters think Obama is better than kid-touchers and the people who cover for them. THERE’S YOUR PARTISAN DIVIDE, AMERICA. Read more on Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse…
  Dun fell off the wagon

Nine Things President Obama Might Be Holding Besides This Dirty Pack Of Cigarettes

Bad president bad!
OH NO, President Obama is back behind the high school gym again, smoking all the cigarettes and rolling his eyes, maybe and allegedly! Cigarettes are a well-known slippery slope to getting potted up on weed and socializing America. Obama was caught on camera chattin’ up Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi at the G7 Summit in Germany, and he certainly appears to be holding a pack of cigarettes, doing that gesture where he’s flipping open a pack to pull one out and light up. But is he really doing that? Hard to tell! Because yr Wonkette likes to think the best of people and doesn’t like to jump to conclusions, what else might he be holding in his nicotine-stained hands? Read more on Nine Things President Obama Might Be Holding Besides This Dirty Pack Of Cigarettes…
  Are There No Jerk Houses?

Fox News Has Thoughts On Obama’s ‘Leeches’ Speech. They Are Bad Thoughts!

Tell 'em about the talents again
Oh, there goes Barack Obama again, beating up on the crusading journalists of Fox News for having the guts to selectively depict poor people as terrible leeches. At a Georgetown University event Tuesday, Obama said media narratives have presented a skewed image of poor people, because outrage sells: Read more on Fox News Has Thoughts On Obama’s ‘Leeches’ Speech. They Are Bad Thoughts!…
  Nice Time. OR IS IT?

Oh Great, Now Obama Wants Poor Kids To Read Books, Will This White House Ever Stop?

It's a book. For kids. Shut up.
Look what the Tyrant Obama is up to now! He’s got some half-cocked idea that poor kids should be able to read books, FOR FREE, instead of paying their fair share. So he’s announcing a program Thursday to give poor kids access to 10,000 e-books, which they can read on their Obamaphones, or other appropriate computers or tablets. The Obama administration seems to think it’s somehow a good thing to encourage disadvantaged kids to become better readers and do well in school: Read more on Oh Great, Now Obama Wants Poor Kids To Read Books, Will This White House Ever Stop?…
  except no he is not

Senate Cafeteria Cook Is On Food Stamps, Must Be One Of Those Moochers GOP Always Talks About

Not an exact rendering of the Senate cafeteria.
There is a piece in The Guardian written by Bertrand Olotara, one of the many service workers who ensures that Congress even HAS a place in which to grandstand, or alternately, sit around and do nothing. Olotara is a cook in the Senate cafeteria, and he and his fellow workers, employees of a government contractor, are pissed off, and they are striking. You see, Olotara, who cooks every day for senators and their staffers (when they’re not eating free Taco Bell or Chick-Fil-A), is on food stamps, because he is a single father, and he can’t afford to put food on his family on the $12 an hour he is paid to shovel gruel into Ted Cruz’s wordhole: Read more on Senate Cafeteria Cook Is On Food Stamps, Must Be One Of Those Moochers GOP Always Talks About…
  If you're using vaseline to fuck the poors you're doing it wrong

In Maine, A Chafed A**Hole Gets Vaseline

At this point the governor does not know she has greasy Vaseline lube in her purse.
Maine governor Paul LePage is a real shitbag. In 2013, he said a mean about Democratic state senator Troy Jackson, specifically that Jackson does rude things to Mainers in their butts, or more precisely that he “claims to be for the people but he’s the first one to give it to the people without providing Vaseline.” Ya burnt! Also, that is the wrong way to do it, if you are using Vaseline, you are doing it wrong. So that is the context for why a former Democratic Maine rep lady named Jeanne Twomey decided that LePage was being a dick during a town hall meeting, and proceeded to fling a bottle of Vaseline at his head (and miss, because Democrats can’t throw, science fact): Read more on In Maine, A Chafed A**Hole Gets Vaseline…
  Let them eat ... the following list of approved poor people food

Missouri D*ckhead Rep. Will Stop Poors From Depleting State’s Sushi Supply

Hi, I'm a douchebag, you can tell by my face.
Missouri state Rep. Rick Brattin is at it again, addressing the the Real Problems affecting his state. Last year, he made news for a bill that would simply require ladies to get permission slips from the men what had made them pregnant, if they wanted all the ‘bortions. If it was rape, he said that as long as the woman proved it, then there would be an exception, so no worries! He’s also a proponent of the completely ineffective and pointless effort to force welfare recipients to have drug tests. Which brings us to today! Brattin has decided that on top of making sure all the poors aren’t on drugs, we should probably make sure they don’t eat any “luxury” foods, like fish, because heaven forfend they make healthy choices. Those are for rich people! Read more on Missouri D*ckhead Rep. Will Stop Poors From Depleting State’s Sushi Supply…
  seems legit

Rush Limbaugh, Naturally, Is Very Concerned About Why Barack Obama Abducted And Raped Those Cleveland Girls

Guys, do you want a person who kidnaps three young girls, and then rapes and beats and impregnates and beats and rapes them some more to be the president of the United States? You DON’T? That is so weird! Because now you and Rush Limbaugh are on the same page! Oh, except Rush Limbaugh doesn’t say Obama actually raped and beat and impregnated and kidnapped the girls himself. He just made it possible, with his welfare and Obamaphones, by time traveling back to 10 years ago, when the girls were kidnapped and he was not president. Let’s give a listen! “[A]s it so happens, I happened last night to watch Hawaii Five-0 on CBS,” he explained. “Hawaii Five-O‘s premise last night was kidnapped girls held until they were 18 and then let go or killed — well, always killed — by a couple doing it for the welfare benefits.” As soon as Rush Limbaugh find the AFDC application listing Michelle Knight, Gina DeJesus, and Amanda Berry as dependents, we will be happy to give that a listen. But is there more? Well there is a “read more” tag, so we assume so! Read more on Rush Limbaugh, Naturally, Is Very Concerned About Why Barack Obama Abducted And Raped Those Cleveland Girls…
  My Little Phony: Facts Are Tragic

Marsha Blackburn Wants To Know If Boston Bombers Had Obamaphones, Because That’s An Awesome Question

As part of the Tea Party’s relentless campaign to make us all dumber, the new right-wing meme is that, hey, since the Tsarnaev family was on welfare at a couple of points, maybe they also had Obamaphones! Ghost Breitbart (no link, ever) jumped in with a piece pointing out that the FCC “refused to answer” whether the Tsarnaevs had ever gotten a subsidized phone, which totally means they did and Obama is covering it up. Minimal credit where due: residual Breitbart stain Wynton Hall mostly uses the program’s actual name, the “Lifeline” program, while noting that it’s “referred to as the ‘Obama phone’ program by its critics,” because it’s just a name, no big whoop, we could call ’em Reaganphones but we just decided to call ’em Obamaphones. Now Tennesee Rep. Marsha Blackburn wants some answers, goddamn it, because she received a letter from a constituent who is Very Concerned: Read more on Marsha Blackburn Wants To Know If Boston Bombers Had Obamaphones, Because That’s An Awesome Question…
  tits or g.t.f.o.

Pamela Geller: Obama Is Naziest Nazi Who Ever Nazied, Totally Gonna Kill All The Jews

You would think that we could no longer be surprised by either Pamela Geller or WND, but this did set us back on our ripe yet slender haunches: How long do Jews have in Obama’s America? How long before we can’t walk down the street with a kippah or a Star of David? This is already reality for Belgium Jews, Swedish Jews and French Jews. Large portions of Norway are already Judenrein. And why is Obama going to round up the Jews and make them wear yellow stars for the crime of wearing Stars of David? Because … food stamps. Read more on Pamela Geller: Obama Is Naziest Nazi Who Ever Nazied, Totally Gonna Kill All The Jews…