Tag: obamaphones

Jared Kushner: Oh, THAT Russian Money? I Didn’t Know You Meant THAT Russian Money!

We don't know how to tell you this, but it's possible Jared Kushner forgot another Russian connection.


You've seen Junior's shitty Halloween tweet. LET'S ALL PILE ON.
No fair, why does HE get to use his phone and we can't? MOM!

GOP Jerk Babies Will Kill Off ‘Obamaphones’ For Poors, Just To Be Jerk Babies

It's amazing how many ways Republicans think of to punish poor people. Almost. Assholery can be endlessly creative.

Butthurt Americans Made Many Butthurt Election Complaints To FCC This Year!

For real, Americans' FCC complaints this year were PRETTY DUMB.

Middle Class Better Off Than It’s Been Since Bush’s Financial Crisis, THANKS OBAMA

We got all your SEXXXY ECONOMIC NEWS right here!
The REAL numbers are far worse, like when you include retired people and children!

Trump Delegates Can’t Believe How Terrible The Economy Is For Everyone But Them

Republican convention delegates are really disappointed the economy is in such terrible shape, except where they're from, where things are great in spite of Barack Obama, not because of anything he did.
That's his "I'm going to pull over this car!" face.

Speaker Paul Ryan Will Swat Donald Trump On His Bottom For Being Naughty Racist

If there's one thing that makes Republicans say "Oh my stars!" and "Well I never!" it is racism. STOP LAUGHING, we are not done writing this lede yet. As we all know, Abraham Lincoln and Martin Luther King, Jr....

Fox News: Barack Obama Wants To Unpoison Flint’s Water Because He Is Racist, Q.E.D.

Damn those people in Flint, Michigan, with their fake poisoned water and their evil master plans to get more of The Blacks to vote for Democrats! What? You didn't know? Let's catch you up on what's going on in...

Mike Huckabee Dreams Of Sugarplums, Hillary’s Vagina, For Christmas

Turns out the reason for the season is Hillary Clinton's vagina. Who knew? But all the Republican fellers can't stop yapping about Hillary's heyyy gurl -- which is very unfair to Jeb, somehow -- and Mike Huckabee wants to get in...

Rick Santorum Knows Unaccompanied Honduran Babies Just In It For The Obamaphones

Rick Santorum cares about one thing, as everybody knows, and that is the children. OK, he cares about butt-fucking too, like, way too much. But we are talking about Rick Santorum and kids and how he is the Number...
Republican primary voters are ready for the big event!

Time To Watch Republicans Sniff Donald Trump’s Jockstrap Again: Your Debate Preview

HOORAY AND HALLELUJAH, it's the day absolutely everybody in the world has been waiting for, when the Republicans still running for president come together (again) to fight over how Donald Trump is just the meanest (yep!), and why is...
Jesus's favorite prophet.

Crazy Tongue-Speaking Prophet Lady Running For Mayor … Of Our Hearts!

Wonkers, are you ready to meet your new best friend? Her name is Opal Covey, she is 75 years old, and she is running for mayor of Toledo (Ohio, not Spain, geography nerds). You excited yet? Did we mention...

Indiana Republican Sorry For Sending Everybody His Sex Tape, Will Resign Now

UH OH, is it Cocktober yet? No, we still have one more day before the annual festival where all the politicians of both parties (but mostly Republicans) unzip their onesies and start rubbing their genitals against constituents, hooker sex...
Obama's magazine cover JUST KIDDING LOL

Wingnuts: Sure, Josh Duggar Molested Kids, But Barack Obama Molested America Way Worse

Pollsters are hilarious sometimes. Talking Points Memo has the results of a new poll from Public Policy Polling, asking people which do they like better:  The Duggar family, kid-touching and all, or Barack Obama? You will be so shocked...
Bad president bad!

Nine Things President Obama Might Be Holding Besides This Dirty Pack Of Cigarettes

OH NO, President Obama is back behind the high school gym again, smoking all the cigarettes and rolling his eyes, maybe and allegedly! Cigarettes are a well-known slippery slope to getting potted up on weed and socializing America. Obama was...
Tell 'em about the talents again

Fox News Has Thoughts On Obama’s ‘Leeches’ Speech. They Are Bad Thoughts!

Oh, there goes Barack Obama again, beating up on the crusading journalists of Fox News for having the guts to selectively depict poor people as terrible leeches. At a Georgetown University event Tuesday, Obama said media narratives have presented...