Tag Archives: obamacare

  How was YOUR dumb week?

Barack Obama’s Terrible, Horrible, Badass, Balls Out Rager Of A Week

Editrix can have Old Handsome Joe Biden, we like Sexy Obama.
Oh look at the White House all BRAGGIN’ and shit. That Nice Time video above was provided to yr Wonkette (and by “provided,” we mean we went to the White House website and copied the embed code) as a way of illustrating how Barack Obama just had one of the most badass weeks of his entire presidency, a week bigger than the best weeks of Sarah Palin’s, Ronald Reagan’s, your mom’s, and Jesus’s presidencies COMBINED. Read more on Barack Obama’s Terrible, Horrible, Badass, Balls Out Rager Of A Week…
  Everyone is happy now

BREAKING: Majority Of Americans Like Taking Gay Obamacare Up The Butt

This is America now basically
In case you missed it because you were trapped under something heavy, the Supreme Court crammed healthcare AND marriage equality up and down all of our orifices last week. While you might be 69 kinds of butthurt about the uber-liberal judicial tyranny of some dumb lawyers in robes, your friends and neighbors and your mom and her friends and neighbors and their moms are quite thrilled: Read more on BREAKING: Majority Of Americans Like Taking Gay Obamacare Up The Butt…
  OOH BIG IMPRESSIVE MAN!

Donald Trump Bans Mean Spanishes From Fancy-Pants Miami Resort

Can't imagine why Mexicans would be pissed off at him.
Amidst the PURE APPLESAUCE and INTERPRETIVE JIGGERY POKERY of last week’s marriage and Obamacare news, you might have missed the very important story of how Donald Trump is being forced to sue Univision, because it was mean to him and decided against airing his Miss Universe Pageant, due to the fact that Trump has been a real dick toward Mexicans lately, saying Mexican immigrants are druggers, crimers and rapists. Trump is now continuing his baby temper tantrum, by banning all Univision employees from this one Miami hotel he owns: Read more on Donald Trump Bans Mean Spanishes From Fancy-Pants Miami Resort…
  never give up never surrender

GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?

Rep. Brian Babin (R-Crybaby)
After the Supreme Court saved Obamacare, AGAIN, most Republicans were more or less content to stomp their feet, shake their tiny fists of fury, repeat their five-year-old warnings that expanded healthcare access will destroy America (any day now, you’ll see!), and have themselves a good cry. And we drank of their tears, and enjoyed them ever so. Read more on GOP Rep. To Supreme Court: If You Like Obamacare So Much, Why Don’t You Gay Marry It?…
  the apocalypse starts right here right now

Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup

The South Gon’ Rise Again (in a not-racist way this time, honest)
Greeting, Wonketteers. Are you ready to take a well-deserved break from your buttsechs gay marriage orgies and sojourn with me down to Your Very Favorite Land of Snakes and Swamps, a dystopian hellscape that not even Wes Anderson could make adorable? Sure you are! Let’s get to it. Read more on Flatworms, Flesh-Eating Bacteria And Rick Scott (But We Repeat Ourselves): Your Florida Roundup…
  Give them another five years

Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One

It's like health care only different
The highest court of unelected activist judges in the whole Us of America declared, for the second time, that Obamacare haters need to hush now and take a nap because that shit is kosher, yo. Which does not mean the Republican Party or any of its “presidential” “candidates” are going to do that. The Affordable Care Act may be the super-duper twice-certified constitutional law of the land, but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be repealed and replaced with something even MORE better, dunno what yet, that’s not what matters right now! Read more on Every Single GOP Candidate Has A Cunning Plan To Murder Obamacare On Day One…
  Hide Your Kids Hide Your Wife

Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!

That's it, moving to Canada.
Ehrmagerd, the Surperm Curt upheard Abummacurr! This was not met on the right with universal approbation, although many Republicans were quietly breathing a sigh of relief that they won’t have to reveal that their ready-to-implement fix was really just a copy of the 1996 Houston Yellow Pages that they’d been lugging around in a briefcase. Read more on Let’s Get Drunk On Republican Obamacare Tears, Together!…
  Victory lap!

President Obama: I Will Never Stop Cramming Obamacare Down America’s Throat

Sexy stoic president will give you tender-loving Obamacare.
Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled, YET AGAIN, that Obamacare is just fine and dandy and great, even if Congress did a really bad job of making all their subjects and verbs agree when they wrote the damn thing. So can we please stop talking about this now? One person who does not want to stop talking about it is President Obama, who decided to ride around the White House lawn on his victory steed, alternately shouting things like “Suck it so hard, haters!” and “I am the best at Presidenting!” and “Look, Michelle, no hands!” Read more on President Obama: I Will Never Stop Cramming Obamacare Down America’s Throat…
  Curse that hindsight

Obamacare Great For Poors And Minorities, No Wonder GOP Hates It

Definitely thought this through
By now, we can all recite at least eleventeen reasons why the Affordable Care Act is great for America. Better coverage, lower prices, savings all around. And while we still remain the laughingstock of the civilized world because we don’t have universal healthcare like all the other cool countries do, Obamacare is our first significant step in the right direction toward the day when we don’t just let people die because they can’t afford medical care, so shrug, oh well, FREEDOM. Read more on Obamacare Great For Poors And Minorities, No Wonder GOP Hates It…
  At least until he's "elected president" LOL

Rick Perry Wants To Free Americans From Tyranny Of Obamacare By Letting Them Keep Obamacare

Spit it out to make room for your foot, Rick Perry, or a dildo, whatever.
Former Texas governor and current “presidential candidate” Rick Perry is talking out of both sides of his butthole (each side featuring perfectly coiffed hair) when it comes to Obamacare. He’s agin’ it, of course, and it needs to be repealed. But he also doesn’t want people to lose their health insurance, if the Supreme Court rules, in King v. Burwell, that because of six little words and a technicality, the subsidies provided by the Affordable Care Act, which provide millions with health insurance, are unconstitutional. Wonder why he doesn’t want folks to lose their insurance, HUH. Maybe because if millions of people suddenly lose their coverage, they’ll blame it on Republicans, and people like Perry will REALLY never be president. Read more on Rick Perry Wants To Free Americans From Tyranny Of Obamacare By Letting Them Keep Obamacare…
  Everybody loses

Wingnut Millennial Picks Dumb Fight With Wingnut Boomer On Fox, Hilarity Ensues

Actual screen shot from Fox episode
So this conservative millennial lady who writes for the National Review picked a fight with this conservative boomer fart guy who “reports” for Fox Business Network, about which of their generations are worse. And we are really struggling because who should we root for? Hahah, trick question, we hope they both lose. Let’s see if we get our wish! Read more on Wingnut Millennial Picks Dumb Fight With Wingnut Boomer On Fox, Hilarity Ensues…
  the world's greatest deliberative body

Republicans Have Secret Plan If SCOTUS Kills Obamacare. No, You Can’t See It.

Oh, yeah, good old-fashioned Nightmare Fuel
Rest easy, America: If the Supreme Court murders Obamacare over what amounts to a proofreading error later this month, Republicans are ready with a replacement plan, according to Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. No, you can’t see it. It’s a surprise. Stop trying to peek. Stop it! There is too something in the box, just don’t shake it or you’ll ruin it! Read more on Republicans Have Secret Plan If SCOTUS Kills Obamacare. No, You Can’t See It….
  Here have some news n stuff

People Have Paid Millions To Listen To George W. Bush, For Some Reason

Him?
The new rule is that making money is bad (if you’re a Clinton). And making money by charging speaking fees is bad (if you’re a Clinton). And being able to charge a TON of money because people really want to hear you say words is REALLY BAD (if you’re a Clinton). But the jury is still out if your name is George W. Bush: Read more on People Have Paid Millions To Listen To George W. Bush, For Some Reason…
  No one could have predicted

Surprise! GOP Plan To ‘Fix’ Obamacare Will Just Make It Worse

Good job everyone!
Here’s a fun fact you already knew, but now there is math to back it up. That Republican Senate bill to salvage Obamacare tax subsidies (while still gutting other parts of Obamacare), just in case the Supreme Court overturns them and every single American blame the GOP for taking away their healthcare? Yeah, that bill sucks. Read more on Surprise! GOP Plan To ‘Fix’ Obamacare Will Just Make It Worse…
  Uh ... thanks?

Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome

They sure love us
Senate Republicans are really concerned about making sure women have greater access to birth control. No, really, it is true! (No, really, it is not.) From the same party that has tried for years to defund Planned Parenthood, ban certain types of birth control that they think murder babies (because they are idiots who don’t understand what contraception is), and protect employers’ “right” to tell you what kind of medicine you can use on your ladyparts comes the latest clever attempt to make life harder for the ladies, but, you know, “for the ladies.” Read more on Senate Republicans Have Neat New Plan To Make You Pay More For Slut Pills, You’re Welcome…
  But who would ever be that dumb?

Look, It’s Another Republican Calling Bullsh*t On Dumb Obamacare Lawsuit

Yes America is that dumb
No one could have imagined that any state would be stupid enough or evil enough — or both! — to turn down free money to subsidize healthcare for people who need it. Literally, no one. Not even congressional Republicans who worked on the Affordable Care Act, while kicking and screaming the whole time about how it was going to murder all our freedoms and jobs and blah blah blah, whatever, turns out they were all WRONG. Because who would say, “No, I don’t want your icky free federal dollars so the people of my state won’t die”? And yet, here we are, on the verge of a decision by the Supreme Court about whether the law, which includes the words “established by the state,” allows tax subsidies for states that refuse to establish healthcare exchanges, or whether everyone in U.S. America should be able to get healthcare somehow, even if Congress was all clumsy and stupid and sucks at writing laws with words in them. Read more on Look, It’s Another Republican Calling Bullsh*t On Dumb Obamacare Lawsuit…
  Not so excellent news for him though

Excellent News! John McCain Might Get His Butt Kicked, By A Girl

Not a good day to be John McCain
The crusty old crankypants senior senator from Arizona — who will never give up! never surrender! never stop being SO GODDAMNED BITTER about that time he didn’t get to be president, and then that other time he didn’t get to be president — has a problem, and that problem is that nobody likes him at all. (Except for his bastard son Sen. Lindsey Graham, but he doesn’t count, because no one likes him either.) But for reals, pretty much everyone hates John McCain. Democrats, obviously, but even in McCain’s blood red home state, he is WAY unpopular, as a recent poll shows: 71 percent of “very conservative” conservatives think he is sucking at his job like a porn star, but not in a good way. So it’s EXCELLENT NEWS for people who are not John McCain that Democratic Rep. Ann Kirkpatrick has announced she will save you, Arizona, from another six years of John McCain sucking on your behalf: Read more on Excellent News! John McCain Might Get His Butt Kicked, By A Girl…
  Careful what you wish for

Let’s Watch The GOP Cage Fight With Itself About Obamacare, Again

... for Republicans
As Senate Republicans have slowly — very slowly — begun to realize that “We’re trying to take away your healthcare, for your FREEDOM!” is not a very good campaign slogan, they’re trying to figure out how to save themselves and their jobs just in case the Supreme Court agrees with them that subsidized healthcare is ILLEGAL and grants their wish to kill that part of Obamacare, with judicial fire. That’s why Wisconsin Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Asshole) introduced a bill in April to restore subsidies for the millions of Obamacare enrollees who would lose coverage, and Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and the rest of their party’s leadership in the Senate support this legislation because they really care about making sure Americans don’t lose their healthcare. By which we mean they really care about making sure they don’t lose their jobs in the 2016 election. There’s just one teeny tiny problem for Johnson and the rest of his Senate colleagues, and it’s coming from inside the House: Read more on Let’s Watch The GOP Cage Fight With Itself About Obamacare, Again…
  Oh NOW he gets it

Obamacare-Hating Republican Hates Republicans Now, Loves Obamacare

Not how it works after all
Remember how we told you all about Luis Lang, that idiot in South Carolina, who loves freedom even more than he hates his diabetes, so he did not purchase health insurance, take THAT, Obama? And now he needs surgery, and he can’t afford it, and Obamacare enrollment is closed, and his Republican-controlled state refused to take Obamacare dollars to expand Medicaid for people JUST LIKE HIM, and it’s all Obama’s fault? Of course you do, you liberal do-goody bleeding hearts, because you went and gave him all your money on his GoFundMe page, like a bunch of liberal do-goody bleeding hearts. Even though he had always been SO PROUD of paying his medical expenses all on his own, and his awful terrible rotten wife, Mary, whined that her husband should skip to the front of the free money line, now that he needs it, and really, the two of them should fuck ALL the way off, forever, because going broke and dying is the Republican healthcare plan, which is what they chose, for freedom. But no, you people went and gave him your money anyway. Read more on Obamacare-Hating Republican Hates Republicans Now, Loves Obamacare…
  That'll teach you to be poor

It’s Arizona’s Turn To F*ck The Poors, Again

Jesus was a fiscal conservative
Arizona is all out of money, whoops, so the Republicans who control the state have decided, in their fiscally conservative wisdom, to close the $1 billion budget gap by cutting welfare that the federal government pays for. Good plan, guaranteed to work, no? Read more on It’s Arizona’s Turn To F*ck The Poors, Again…
  let's challenge her to a rap battle

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it’s time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week’s top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss the picture above, which Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, shared on the Twitter after her husband’s charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield. Is Ann Romney in a gang now? PROBABLY, because she is so street. She told the Twitter that she was very excited to be part of “Mitt’s posse.” Anybody who coughs up a video of Romney (husband OR wife) twerking wins an “Obamaphone.” Read more on Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten….