Tag Archives: Obama

  Fuckabee if you're nasty

Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!

Gonna talk about the female anatomy now.
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!…
  Sunday Gossip Hour

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People

Gossiping cat has thoughts to share.
Happy Sunday, Wonketariat! We hope this love note finds you fat and happy. We should take a moment before we go get ACTUAL brunch, to do internet brunch gossip about the Most Popular Stories of the week. You all were all over the place this week, with your favorites! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Sit Next To Each Other And Talk Sh*t About People…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Murder The ATF And Its Jackbooted Thugs

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Emboldened by last week’s victory for the rights of gun-humpers to be able to ALSO be able to hump bullets, Field Marshall Sarah Palin presses forward. She has offered the Kenyan tyrant Obama clear and simple terms: abolish the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (ATF), and we will spare you our screeching. And, instead of listening to her, the Kenyan tyrant sits alone in his empty palace, a place that collaborators and the weak-willed still call the White House, and he does NOTHING. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Murder The ATF And Its Jackbooted Thugs…
  make yourself a nice bloody mary and sit with us

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!

Hola, Wonkerados! How is your Easter Sunday going? Ours is very nice! Won’t you sit and have some internet brunch with us, so we can reminisce about all the lovely things that happened during the week? It wasn’t all Indiana and gays and religious freedom! (Er, actually a lot of it was, but other things also happened, according to our admittedly hazy memory.) Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!…
  Nowhere to run nowhere to hide

Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!

Hold on tight, Patriotic American Christians, for a calamity approacheth! The Pew Research Center has released a study that finds, if things keep going the way they are, there will be more Muslims than Christians in the world in 2070. You will be glad to know the Drudge Report is not freaking out over this or anything, naaaaah, they’re just posting a link to the story at the very top of their page, illustrated with a picture of a concerned little white girl who might be about to cry: Read more on Get To Baby-Making, Duggars! Muslims To Outnumber You In Only 55 Years!…
  Trollin' like a BOSS

Obama Rubs Obamacare In Republicans’ Faces Again, What A Bad Man!

President Obama can NOT shut up about how great his precious Affordable Care Act is, just because of how great his Affordable Care Act is. The White House has been in full Hells Yeah! celebration mode, in honor of the fifth anniversary of the law that is going to destroy the nation any day now, and then we’ll see who’s laughing, WON’T WE, AMERICA? (Spoiler: It’ll probably still be Obama.) Read more on Obama Rubs Obamacare In Republicans’ Faces Again, What A Bad Man!…
  in his majesty’s secret service … chug chug chug!

Secret Service Bros Drunk Drive Into White House Barricades. Party On!

Have you ever wondered, when they’re not scoring those sweet, sweet South American hookers or being generally incompetent, what Secret Service agents do for fun? Sure you have. Well, it turns out they behave just like the rest of us — at least, like the rest of us did when we were drug-addled, brain-dead college freshman. Read more on Secret Service Bros Drunk Drive Into White House Barricades. Party On!…
 

Obama Mentions Voting Rights At Selma, Conservatives Outraged Of Course

it's not playing the
On Saturday, your blackest president ever, Barack Obama, traveled to Selma, Alabama, to speak at the 50th anniversary commemoration of “Bloody Sunday,” when civil rights protesters were beaten by police when they walked across the Edmund Pettus Bridge. The events of Bloody Sunday and other protest marches in Alabama led directly to the passage of the Voting Rights Act of 1965, so this is an excellent event to solemnly celebrate, and we are very happy that both Republicans and Democrats joined in attending the event, including former President George W. Bush and many congressional Republicans. Read more on Obama Mentions Voting Rights At Selma, Conservatives Outraged Of Course…
  keep your gubmint health care hippie

Marco Rubio’s Obamacare Alternative Sure Is Doing Swell, Has Tens Of Customers Now

He has ideas too, you know
Do you guys all remember the time Marco Rubio — Jeb Bush’s understudy to be the presidential candidate from Florida who loses to Queen Hillary Clinton — and his merry band of Florida Republicans were all like, man, fuck this Obamacare bullshit, we’ll do it ourselves, and went and set up their own rad alternative health care exchange, this thing called Florida Health Choices, where you could buy health insurance (or at least discount coupons for certain services) just as Jesus and Ayn Rand intended and no babies had to be ’borted. Read more on Marco Rubio’s Obamacare Alternative Sure Is Doing Swell, Has Tens Of Customers Now…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Sees Syria By The Seashore

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker.
This is the screengrab posted by the Sarah Palin Channel for her video about the fall of Yemen’s capital. We are not making this up, and for once, we are not portraying Palin in a light less flattering than the one she has cast upon herself. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Sees Syria By The Seashore…
  MORE DOOOOOOM!

Wonkette Live Blog III: And We Choked Their Rivers With Our Dead

Well! We are guessing if you are still with us, we don’t have to work too hard to get you up to speed. Things are a little bleak here in the Washington Bureau, where we are into our fifth hour of Fox News exposure. Come with us, Wonketteers, as we introduce you to the new world in front of you. Read more on Wonkette Live Blog III: And We Choked Their Rivers With Our Dead…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Why’s Obama Letting Immigrant Terrorists Ebola Us To Death?

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
In the last seven days, the Sarah Palin Channel has published exactly nine minutes and twenty-eight seconds of content. Three minutes of that total is “Behind the Scenes” reels, one of which centers on Sarah going to a barn in North Carolina last year (it was Billy Graham’s barn, and it was a very boring visit). That means Palin’s team produced about six minutes of content in the last week, so yes, this is probably the laziest political grift we’ve ever covered in our short time as Yr Wonket. But by the same token, it is also the most ruthlessly efficient. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Why’s Obama Letting Immigrant Terrorists Ebola Us To Death?…
  Fore More Years!

A Children’s Treasury Of Perfectly Sane Responses To Obama’s Lost Golf Ball

Golf is dumb
Barack Obama: golfing President, or golfing TYRANT!? That’s the hot question from the Top Conservatives on Twitter today, after Instagram user larrydoh found one of Obama’s errant shots in the woods at Congressional Country Club and then ‘grammed it for the world to see. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Perfectly Sane Responses To Obama’s Lost Golf Ball…
  pay to play

Why Not Let These Obama Campaign Guys Charge You Money To Let You Do Their Job?

Are you an Ambitious Young Person With Big Political Dreams? Probably not, because you are reading this blog, which most likely means that you are a disgruntled middle age-ish sort of person, because we mock the fuck out of millennials; also too we are not really all that sunshine and unicorns about politics, now are we? But let’s say you are that ambitious young person and you want to work on a campaign for the next Obama, or at least the next Omaha mayoral race. You’ve already likely prepared yourself for having to do the dirty work for free, but if you’re really committed, you should be preparing to throw down a cool $5K for the privilege of working on a campaign gratis, because that’s how you get ahead in life or something. Read more on Why Not Let These Obama Campaign Guys Charge You Money To Let You Do Their Job?…
  f*ck this guy

Louie Gohmert: Why Won’t Obama Stop Sex-Trafficking The Mexican Children?

President Obama can’t do anything right, especially when it comes to kids. For some reason, he will not personally fly to Nigeria to rescue kidnapped schoolgirls, probably because he is lazy. Or maybe it’s because he is pro-child sex trafficking. What, you didn’t know that Obama was totes cool with child sex trafficking? ARE YOU BLIND AND DEAF, SHEEPLE? Let’s let the most authoritative voice on immigration explain it to you: “When legal status and amnesty is talked about here in Washington, it becomes a magnet and draws people in. And for all of the children that are drawn in illegally, you know that some get sucked into sex slavery,” [Rep. Louie] Gohmert said Monday. LOGIC BOMB, BITCHEZZZ. You can’t argue with that. It is ironclad, impenetrable logic, so don’t even try to give it like eighty-four Pinocchios, PolitFascists! It’s clear that even talking about immigration reform makes kids come to the United States to be sex trafficked, leading to Gohmert’s new campaign slogan against immigration reform: Loose Lips Sink Ships Leads Directly to Child Sex Trafficking So Shut Up About It Already. He’s not a very poetic guy. Read more on Louie Gohmert: Why Won’t Obama Stop Sex-Trafficking The Mexican Children?…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

Georgia Rep. Jack Kingston Pretty Fed Up With This ‘Research’ From This ‘Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’

In today’s latest example of why primary elections mean that we can’t have nice things, Georgia Rep. Jack Kingston (R-Waffle House) has decided that he is NOT losing his chance at Saxby Chambliss’s Senate seat just because he once said that there might be a way for research to guide public policy as it relates to firearms, no sir! Flashback to December 2012, following the CIA-Mossad false flag operation tragedy at Sandy Hook Elementary School, when the 2014 midterms were but a twinkle in the eye of long-serving members of the House, like Jack Kingston, who has represented southeastern Jaw-juh since FOREVER 1993. Back then, Kingston said this: less than a week after the Newtown shootings […] [Kingston] told a local TV station that he wanted to see more research done to understand mass shootings. “Let’s let the data lead rather than our political opinions.” Ah, but then B. Hussein Soetoro took time away from his busy schedule of Destroying Our Once Great Nation and agreed with Rep. Kingston! Obama slapped $10 million into his latest budget for additional research from the CDC, which is a slight improvement on the $0 CDC currently spends on gun violence research. And when Rep. Kingston — who chairs the Appropriations Committee — told his constituents, “I think we can find some common ground,” Beltway centrist types got super-excited, because bipartisanship gives these people a chubby. Read more on Georgia Rep. Jack Kingston Pretty Fed Up With This ‘Research’ From This ‘Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’…